Reformed Mama

Been A While

2010-02-07T23:41:00.002-05:00

I really should be sleeping. But, I'm not. I seem to have this aversion to sleep, even when I'm dead-dog tired. So, I'm here. Playing around with a blog I've not touched in a very, very long time.

I reckon I should give the latest update in case anyone still reads this old blog. We are now living basically in the middle of nowhere. Literally. We have a Wal-mart here, so that counts for something. I also happen to now live in the COLDEST place on the planet. Well, not actually, but it sure feels like it to this southern girl. I kinda like to think of my new home as the great, white tundra. It's vast, cold, empty and mostly white because of the snow.

That's not to say that it isn't pretty. It is pretty here. I just don't like the weather. AT. ALL.

The people here are pretty nice too. I have found an awesome church to attend where the people are friendly, the teaching is biblical and no one bats an eye if a mom nurses her babe during the service. I LOVE that.

My boys are growing like weeds. Eddie is 4 now and Andrew is 2. Eddie is all about school and learning and stuff like that. Andrew, is more concerned with trucks and dogs than books. They are healthy and strong and so very sweet. Just yesterday (maybe it was the day before) Eddie told me he was going to live next to my house in the camper when he got big and that he was going to build a Chic-Fil-A for me. That's a boy after my own heart right there.

So, all is well (except for the frigid temps here) and maybe I'll be back to update more sometime soon.

Money-saving Tips for a Frugal Christmas in the Midst of a Recession

2009-11-20T11:21:00.001-05:00

Christmas. It's the most wonderful time of the year, right? Then January rolls around and it's time to pay the bills incurred during the most wonderful time of the year. What if this year was different? What if there were no outrageous bills come January? Maybe then you could actually afford to join the gym that you talk about joining every single year. Maybe you could relax a little and enjoy the New Year a bit more. Wouldn't that be nice?

Here are a few tips and tricks to help make that a reality... or at least make it so that Christmas within your budget (not the Joneses budget) is a reality.

Let's tackle the issue of Christmas cards first.
1. Minimize your list. That "friend" who you haven't spoken to in 8 years probably won't notice if you don't send a card this year. Only send cards to those who are truly important to you.
2. Purchase your cards from discount stores like the Dollar Tree.
3. Send a family newsletter instead. You can type up the text on your computer, updating all your friends and family on the year's events. You can even add in pictures. Then print them right at home.

Holiday meals are another large expenditure.
1. Ask friends and family to bring a side dish or to pitch in when it comes time for the big feast. Chances are that they would love to help out.
2. Plan your meal well in advance and pick up must-have items when they are on sale instead of at the last minute.
3. It's okay to use generic brands when making that green bean casserole. No one will notice.
4. Buck the tradition and do something new this year. Lounge in your jammies all day and snack on a veggie, meat and cheese tray while watching fun movies with the family. Christmas isn't about the food, is it? Didn't think so.

And finally, let's talk about gifts.
1. Cut the gift list down. You don't need to give a gift to every neighbor in the 'hood. Select those people who are the most meaningful to you and send everyone else a Christmas card.
2. D.I.Y. Do it yourself. The web is full of ideas for quick and easy gift ideas. Check out www.craftster.org, http://www.marthastewart.com/crafts and www.curbly.com all have ideas that encompass all ranges of craftiness.
3. Shop sales and start shopping NOW. Waiting until the last minute is a surefire way to guarantee that you will be paying too much for a gift that you probably don't want to really give.

These are just a few tips. Check out these websites for more frugal holiday tips:
http://www.thefrugallife.com/
http://www.thenewhomemaker.com/
Happy Budgeting!

An Update

2009-02-01T15:50:00.001-05:00

It’s been a while… again… since I last posted in my blog. Sorry. I guess I’m still trying to figure out how exactly to make time for certain things. Anyway… Thought I’d update on what’s goin’ on with us these days.

We are living in Ft. Mill, SC while we wait to hear about a job for Ed. He was laid off from the airline in September and has been working with the National Guard since then so that we have some income. He’s applied for a full-time position with the National Guard and we are waiting to hear whether or not he got the job. We’ll see.

The boys are growing like wildfire. Eddie is wanting to learn to read and we do some basic math stuff here at home too. He’s my little nerd. Love him to bits.

Andrew is hilarious. He’s walking all over the place and is trying to talk. He’s a climber. He’s the one who is going to make things “interesting” because he’s mischievous. :)

I’ve been keeping busy with the boys. My mom did pass away in October after battling colon cancer. That was rough. Still is rough at times.

Can't Resist

2008-11-04T22:59:00.004-05:00

I know it's been a while and all, but I really can't resist just spewing right now, so pardon me while I do just that.

I will say that I can appreciate the fact that America apparently (because it isn't *quite* over yet) elected its first black president. That is historically significant and should be noted.

However, I have to wonder how much of Obama's voted was spurred on simply because of race. In other words, how many people voted for him simply because his skin color was the same? I don't know, nor do I pretend to know. I'd like to though.

That's a minor blip on my list of questions and concerns regarding the outcome of this election though. A really minor blip.

I'd venture to guess that every last one of our founding fathers rolled right over in their graves tonight. We've elected a president who has said openly that he hopes to tax the coal industry (an industry by which thousands of people support their families) into oblivion. We've elected a man who has decided that it's a wonderful thing to take hard-earned money and give it away as he sees fit. We've elected a man who allows members of the PLO into his home to watch his children. We've elected a man who support abortion and even said that he hopes the option is available for his daughters should they make a "mistake." We've elected a man who wants to make union votes public and who would not mind extending that to political votes as well. By the way, he'd like all industry to be unionized. We've elected a man who thinks our schools should be teaching very young children about sex, as opposed to the parents teaching their own children about sex.

We have no checks and balances anymore. There is a democratic majority in the Senate and the House and we have a democratic President. Does anyone else not see that as a problem? Doesn't anyone else supect that the rights and beliefs of those of us who are right of center wil be trampled on and that we will be censored?

What is coming? Really? What have we signed up for? How long will it be before homeschooling is not an option? How long before we are experiencing a Harrison Bergeron life?

What is so bad about celebrating our individuality and differences -- even if those differences are financial or intellectual?

I saw a little blurb tonight where someone was interviewing Oprah. She's not my favorite person. I don't particularly dislike her, but I think her spiritual mumbo jumbo is a little out there. Anyway... she said that we have all been brought together in the name of hope. That's a nice idea, but sorry Oprah, my hope does not come from Barrack Obama.

My hope comes from Jesus Christ alone. That is the one thing that gives me solace right now. Jesus is stil on the throne. Praise HIM!

The other thing that Oprah said that kinda hit me was, "...There's a wonderful Bible passage that says, "what does it do to gain the world and lose your soul?" And I knew that in this moment in time, in my lifetime, I would have lost a piece of my soul had I not stood up for him..."

NO Oprah, who you support in a political election does NOT determine whether or not you lose you soul. That is a very poor understanding of Scripture.

Again though, my HOPE is in Christ and in his apparently very quick return.

Need a Safe Place to Rant About Politics.

2008-10-11T22:04:00.002-04:00

Before I begin, let me be very clear that I am not at all thrilled with EITHER of the candidates running for president right now.

McCain isn't my top pick, but he will likely get my vote because Obama is utterly terrifying to me. My fear of a President Obama has nothing to do with his race or middle name. It has nothing to do with his religious preference or even his religious associations, although I will say that Rev. Wright is disturbing to me.

I fear Obama because of his stance on the issues.

He welcomes abortion. He said he would want abortion to be available to his daughters should they find themselves pregnant as teenagers. How appalling. Why is it okay or even welcome to kill the unborn? We are NOT God. It is not our place to determine when life should end.

Taxes... He wants to tax corporations and rich people so that he can redistribute their wealth as he sees fit. Of course, this would be done via government-run programs and we all know how efficient the government is at managing money. We all do still remember the bailout, right?

With the income that we make, we would not be directly affected by Obama's tax hike, but this hike would affect us in other ways, such as limiting employment opportunities.

Obama is not in favor of school choice. As a future homeschooling mom, this concerns me greatly. I do not want my children or grandchildren to be programmed by some shoddy public education system.

Oil... Obama only said that he'd be in favor of drilling after others mentioned the possibility of drilling while also exploring other resources for energy. I don't believe him. We'll be stuck trying to be "green" with no oil for our cars, no way to transport food across the nation, no oil to run anything.

I could go on, but in short, there is not one single issue where Obama and I line up.

More than that though, I am concerned about the way Obama fans adore him and praise him, almost as if he is their savior. Children sing songs about Obama. Everyone seems to think that Obama will change the world. Obama will fix everything. There will be no more pain or hunger or war or death. Obama has become a messiah of sorts.

That's enough to make the hair on my neck stand up. When I consider the praise for Obama and my religious beliefs regarding the End Times, I can't help but shudder. Now, I do NOT think Obama is the anti-christ or anything like that, but I can clearly see him paving the way for the Anti-Christ.

Don't misunderstand me, I know that means that I am that much closer to seeing my Savior face-to-face, but I know that also means that my family and friends are that much closer to being eternally separated from Christ.

So yeah, I'm not an Obama fan. I literally cringe at the thought of him being our President.

Life is Far Too Short.

2008-06-19T21:11:00.002-04:00

Just this past weekend a young 22 yr. old woman from my church back in NC became a widow. Her husband was only 21.

I just read about Dennis Rainey's granddaughter who will probably pass into the arms of Jesus with the next day or so. She is only a few days old, but was born with a severe defect.

A few weeks ago, Stephen Curtis Chapman had to bury his daughter.

I could name countless others who have lost loved ones way too soon.

It's not fair. It's not right. It makes no sense. There are no words that can truly comfort those who are grieving. That pain will never completely disappear, even if it does fade over time.

I often struggle between not going and ministering because I don't know what to say or going and saying too much.

As someone who has not lost a spouse or a child, it is easy for me to think, "God has a greater purpose. Yada, yada, yada..." That may well be true. God will surely get the glory from all things, either now or later. I can't help but think that sometimes God would be better glorified if we kept those thoughts to ourselves.

Sometimes, it's enough to embrace the broken hearted and tell them you are sorry, or to say nothing at all. Sometimes, they just need to know that you are there, holding up their arms like Aaron did for Moses or that you are able to help them bear the burden of grief.

One of my professors once said that sometimes the only thing we can do is bring the Holy Spirit into a situation to minister to the hurting. As children of the Most High God, the Holy Spirit indwells us and is with us whereever we go. So, just being there for the broken is ministering.

My challenge to you is to go and minister to that person who needs comfort and strength in the midst of their storm. You don't have to say a word. Just be there.

Feeling Drained

2008-06-17T20:19:00.002-04:00

Funny how being home with the kids by myself for just two days is such a complete drain on me. My brain is fried. I'd love to update the look of this blog. I'd love to create some cards or design something, but I don't have it in me.

But, my boys are great, so I can handle being drained.

Eddie is growing so well and is so smart; too smart for his own good. He's almost three. I can't believe that. Makes me happy and sad all at the same time.

Eddie is my smart, shy boy with the puppy dog eyes. His eyes can convince you that he should have whatever he wants, even if it's cake for breakfast.

And Andrew, well, he's just funny. There's not much shy about him and talk about a charmer!!? He flashes those bright blue eyes at anybody and everybody. He'll never have a problem making people believe him.

So... I'm drained for now, but my cup overflows with the blessings that are my boys.

My Mom

2008-06-16T20:46:00.003-04:00

If you've read more than two or three posts on this blog, then you are probably aware that my family is somewhat dysfunctional and that my relationship with my mom is strained.

I think the last thing I mentioned about my mom was that I did not know where she was. I did find her. She sent a Christmas card about a year and a half after "disappearing." We've been in contact semi-regularly since then.

Unfortunately, mom was diagnosed with colon cancer at the end of April. When the surgeon operated, he discovered that her cancer was at stage 4. It has metasticized to her liver and the back wall of her abdomen.

She is undergoing chemotherapy for purely palliative reasons at this point. In about three weeks, the doctors will be able to tell us if the chemo is working and what kind of time frame we are looking at.

Obviously, this is heartbreaking for me for so many reasons. I am concerned for my mom's spiritual condition. I am concerned for her health. I am concerned for my brothers.

So, if you think of it, please pray for my mom. Her name is Julie.

Re-inventing The Blog

2008-06-14T15:51:00.003-04:00

I can't really re-invent the wheel, so I'll re-invent my blog.

Really, I suppose I am just dusting it off and working on it a bit more now. I'll start to work on a new look and maybe add a few new things here and there.

I'll probably add a link to my etsy store and maybe even my cafepress store. For now though, I'll just update you on what I've been up to for the past who knows how long.

Mostly, I've been being a mom. Eddie is so smart and keeps me on my toes. Andrew is only 8 months old, but is wearing 18 month size clothes and has recently (yesterday) started cruising along the couch.

We are living in Ohio now and liking it most of the time. We've found a church to call home, so that's good. Not so keen on the weather here, but it is better than Florida weather.

I've written some for Associated Content, but nothing earth-shattering or even really important at all. but it does give me a little play money.

Since Andrew has decided to try to type, I guess I should go for now.

Not Sure How To Word This.

2008-01-29T01:46:00.000-05:00

I live in Salt Lake City now. Perhaps SLC is best known for being the home to the Chuch of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. As home to the LDS church, SLC is home to many, many, many members of the LDS church.

I'm just a good ole Baptist girl and I certainly don't fit in here. Most of the people in the Baptist churches we've visited are former Mormons or have family who are Mormons. When the news is on, I have to listen carefully so that I can decipher the Mormon-speak in the news.

Mormon-speak is terminology that those within the LDS church would understand, but that outsiders wouldn't. Kinda like when a Baptist says "saved" we all know what that means.

Anyway... I've been reading on the beliefs of the LDS church. Don't worry, I'm not converting. I just like to know about other faiths and what they teach. If anything, reading about the LDS church has convinced me that I should stay Baptist (not that I was thinking of jumping ship).

I've only just scratched the surface in my reading and I have to say that I just get even more and more sad the more I read. While I've been assured that Mormons do believe in a literal Hell, I've also been assured that everyone makes it to at least the first level of Heaven. The more you do within the church, the more chance you have to be in the third level of Heaven with God. Not only that, but after you die, your family members can be baptized for you and can have you "sealed."

I'm sorry, I mean no disrespect, but I cannot, for the life of me, see how that jives with Scripture. When I mention Scripture, I mean the Bible, not the book of Mormon. The book of Revelation tells us that we are not to add one jot or one tittle to the Word of God, so I can't see how the Book of Mormon can be considered Scripture.

If salvation is by grace, then why would we need to do temple work or be sealed into the temple? If God is gracious and loving and kind, then why be legalistic about tithes? (It's my understanding that only those who are in good standing can enter the Temple, and to be in good standing, you have to pay a tithe.)

I'd hate to think that there were people out there trying to work for their salvation when really it's absolutely free. Working to earn salvation is fruitless.

Last night the President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints passed away. How sad. Truly.

Here We Go Again

2008-01-21T01:47:00.000-05:00

I guess I should back up a bit so you will understand the "again" part of the title.

Ed was deployed to SC until Sept. of this past year. He was forecasting the weather for Iraq from the States. Works for me. No terrorists coming at him with guns and no hidden explosive devices, only crazy SC drivers.

At the end of his deployment he was hired by a regional airline with offices in Salt Lake City. They set up a training date for the October 1. Keep in mind that I was hugely pregnant, but not yet due until Oct. 16. His training was to be 8 weeks long. AND, remember, I had been battling pre-term labor since August.

So, here I was a big, fat ball of hormones who had been fighting to stay pregnant and now I suddenly wanted to have the baby so Ed was there to take care of our 2 year old while I was in the hospital. I was terrified of having the baby when Ed was gone and I really only knew a few people in our Sunday School class there in SC. I was pretty much petrified.

Of course, as life would have it, even though I had been fighting to stay pregnant, once I wanted to have the baby and was safe to have the baby (after 37 weeks) and after the docs stopped all interventions (36 weeks), the baby would not come. Imagine that. I thought that was stinkin' hilarious. NOT!

Well, God was gracious and allowed me to deliver Andrew before Ed left for training. There was one catch though... Ed had to leave the very next day for his training. Hilarious, I tell ya.

So here I was, a big fat, post partum mess going home with a newborn and a 2 year old with my husband out of town for 8 long weeks. Thank God for our Sunday School class in Sumter, they were awesome to us. And thank God that Andrew did not have all the complications that Eddie had when he came home from the hospital. Otherwise, I would not have survived.

Wait though, this whole thing gets better. After I manage to survive 5 weeks or so by myself with two kids under the age of 2 while also battling post partum hormones, the job didn't work out and Ed came home.

So, if God knew that job wasn't going to work out, why in the WORLD did I have to deal with 2 kids by myself immediately post partum? Who says God doesn't have a sense of humor?

Now, to the "again" part. Now that we've moved clear across the country to a rather "foreign" place, Ed's back in training for another airline and I am in Salt Lake. Alone. With two kids. We haven't found a church here (that's another post) and the only people I know are my father-in-law and his wife.

Hopefully by the end of March we'll be in Knoxville or Charlotte. For right now, I am still freezing my tushie off, but enjoying my boys.

Because They Are So Incredibly Cute

2008-01-15T01:41:00.000-05:00

I reckon I need to fluff up the blog with some picts of my boys, huh?

Back From The Dead.

2008-01-15T01:31:00.000-05:00

Yeah, yeah, I'm still alive. I am freezing my tushie off, but I am alive.

I think the last time I posted here, Andrew had just been born and Ed was training as a pilot for an airline in Utah.

Well, life happens and the airline in Utah didn't work out. Imagine that. See, we thought we had everything all figured out. Funny how things get all screwy when you think you know what's going on.

Anyway... we decided to move to Salt Lake City, Utah while Ed was continuiing his job search. Ed's dad and step-mom live here. Since my family sucks, I figured it would be nice for our boys to be near grandparetns for at least a small portion of their lives. Know what I mean?

As "luck" (and I use that term loosely) would have it, we moved out here at teh end of November and in the middle of December Ed was hired by a company back east. So, we will be moving again in March.

Salt Lake's not bad at all. I have a pediatrician who is supportive of my hippie parenting ways and there are tons of things to do here. Plus, Ed's dad and step-mom are really sweet.

I will say that there are a few downsides. There are no Krispy Kremes, Biscuitvilles or Kepleys around here. There is entirely too much snow and I can't seem to get sweet tea unless I make it myself. Those are serious problems ya'll. Especially the snow. Ick!

Eddie likes the snow though. He likes chasing grandpa's dogs around too. Andrew is still too young to care about any of that.

As far as this blog goes, I've been trying to decide if I want to keep it going or not. I haven't posted in forever. I am trying to do some freelance writing here and there and I do have two kiddos and a hubby to take care of. So, I dunno.

I reckon a good way to make that decision would be to determine which direction I want to take this blog. But, that's far too much for me to think about tonight.

Well... We Made It!

2007-10-16T09:59:00.001-04:00

So We made it to 37 weeks gestation, which is considered full term. Andrew was born on Sept. 26, 2007. He weighed a whopping 6 lbs 13 oz. Considering that is a whole 4 pounds larger than Eddie weighed when he was born, we consider Andrew huge. :)

I thought I would share some pictures of the family and of Andrew. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

Still Pregnant

2007-09-10T00:31:00.000-04:00

Yep, I surely am! Can you believe it?

My guess is that as soon as Ed gets back into town, Andrew will make his appearance. Let's hope he doesn't attempt to come before Ed gets home. :)

I've got lots of thoughts to share, but it's late and I just wanted to let anyone who cares know that I am indeed still pregnant. :) This is the most pregnant I've ever been. 35 weeks. Who knew that was possible?

I'm Alive

2007-09-01T01:00:00.000-04:00

Okay... so I know I really need to finish up that final Submission post. It will be here, sometime, I promise.

I thought I'd give an update as to my pregnancy though, since that is the main reason I haven't been blogging so much.

Let's see, my blood pressure has been decent, not great, but not crazy high like it was. I've been going to the doctor once a week for lovely 17P shots in my rear. These are tons of fun. The injection site swells and itches like mad, BUT the medication supposedly helps decrease contractions. I don't seem to have as many contractions as I had when I was pregnant with Eddie, so that's good. I do still have my fair share though.

That brings me to my most recent pregnancy nightmare. Bedrest.

2 and a half weeks ago, ON MY BIRTHDAY, I had some spotting. I called the doc because I know I am at high risk for delivering early. The doc examined me and I had started to dilate and efface. I also had been having some contractions. So, I was bedrested and put on more medication to help control the contractions.

They did give me a test (called a fetal fibernectin test - fFN) to determine the likelihood of me delivering within 2 weeks. The test came back negative, so I was told they would repeat the test in two weeks (which was earlier this week).

I did notice during my two week wait that I had some pretty intense contractions. I tried to take it as easy as possible with a two-year-old. :) I went in for my fFN test on Wednesday of this week. The test came back negative, but I was 2 cm dilated and 70% effaced and contracting. Off to labor and delivery I went.

What a lovely day that was. I got to have an IV, two shots of Brethine, my 17P shot, another prescription and I was put on more strict bedrest.

So... right now I am trying to keep Andrew cooking until at least the end of September. Of course, the timing of all of this could NOT be worse. Ed's orders are ending soon. He is interviewing with airlines, which means lots of out-of-state travel. And Eddie is as energetic as ever.

One day I will look back and somehow manage to be thankful for these days, but I doubt that day will be anytime soon.

Submission Part 3: Dispelling the Myths

2007-05-22T13:51:00.000-04:00

So you've read about how I ended up becoming a submissive wife and how it was (and sometimes still is) a struggle for me to obey Scripture on this issue. I think part of that is because pretty much my entire life I've been fed the worldly ideas surrounding submission.

These ideas about submission weren't fed to me by family necessarily, but rather through television, school, friends, colleagues, etc... They were, for the most part wrong.

Before I go into the myths, let me be perfectly clear; I DO NOT, in any way, shape or form, endorse spousal abuse, lesser rights for women or anything like that. Men and women are simply different and have different roles within the family and within society. That does not give either gender the right to treat the other gender poorly. Both genders of of equal value.

So... What were/are some of the worldly myths out there surrounding biblical submission.

Myth 1: Submission = abuse. I completely understand that in the past (and still sometimes today) the idea of biblical submission was WRONGLY used to support wife abuse. I am fully aware where the “rule of thumb” came from and what it means. (For those of you who don't know, the “rule of thumb” said that you could beat your wife with anything as long as it was no bigger than your thumb.) However, I believe those who use the idea of biblical submission to support spousal abuse are incorrect in their understanding of interpretation of Scripture. Furthermore, I say that they are failing to live up to the standards God has called them to as husbands.

Scripture does NOT at all endorse spousal abuse. The husband is to love the wife as Christ loved the church. According to my understanding of Scripture, I'd say that means that the husband must be willing to lay down his life for his wife. He must be a servant leader, not a leader who forces his hand at every possible instance.

I don't want to get too sidetracked by the husband's role though. I am not a husband and I think it's important for us, as wives, to focus on our own roles and shortcomings rather than those of our husband.

Myth 2: Submission devalues women. Again, in light of Scripture's view of the wife (Proverbs 31, the husband's role, etc...) I don't see how someone could really argue that biblical submission devalues women.

Submission certainly does not devalue women any more than topless bars, pornographic magazines, trashy, immodest clothing, or the “sexual revolution”. You know... the things that women are now ”empowered” to do.

Myth 3: Submissive wives cease being their own person. I fell for this one hook, line and sinker. However, being a former liberal sort-of feminist who was going to conquer the world, I can say that if I've given up any part of my individuality, it's because I chose to, not because my husband forced me to.

I still make decisions (Ed certainly doesn't want to decide the menu for the week). I still offer my input, sometimes graciously, sometimes not so graciously. I still have my own friends and my own hobbies.

Look at the Proverbs 31 woman. She certainly was her own woman, dabbling in real estate and such.

Myth 4: Submissive wives stay at home, barefooted and pregnant for their entire lives. Now, I do stay at home and I am often barefooted and I am sometimes pregnant, but that's my choice. Shoes make my feet hot. :)

Submission does not require that a woman not work outside of the home. Submission simply says to seek your husband's blessing before deciding to work outside the home. Some submissive wives work outside of the home and never have children. Can you believe that!!!?

Those are just a few of the myths our culture feeds us. My point is that a secular culture cannot honestly comment on a biblical mandate without showing it's bias against Scripture. When determining how to set up a home/household it's best to seek Scripture, even if what Scripture says contradicts every single thing that our society says.

Scripture is to be our guide for the family, not Dr. Phil, not Oprah, not some feminist college professor.

Submission Part 2: How I Became A Submissive Wife

2007-05-11T22:46:00.000-04:00

I've shared some of my background on here before, but I'll give a brief run-down now.

My family life growing up was rough, to say the least. My parents were not good role models for me and my family of origin, although I love them, has never been something I wanted *MY* family to resemble. I knew that at a very young age. I remember as young as seven thinking to myself, "I don't want to be like my parents." That may sound harsh, but really, you had to be there.

Because of that, I set out to be successful. I did well in school. I knew school was my escape from home then and that it would be the only way I'd be able to escape when I got older. I knew from a very young age that I wanted to go to college. I knew I'd have a wonderful career and make lots of money. I knew those things would keep *MY* family from going down the path my family of origin travelled and I thought it would fix my family of origin.

Yeah, I was a dreamer.

As the oldest of three children, I had to take care of my younger brothers and help around the house. I did try to escape those duties and was sometimes successful, but sometimes I had no choice but to obey.

By the time I was 16 and was a senior in high school, I had no one to help me apply for college or to encourage me to continue my education. I had no one to show me the way. I HAD to do it all alone.

When I was 18 and in my sophomore year of college, my mom left. My dad fell into a deep depression and was unable to work. Half the time I did not even know where he was. Here I was, trying to make something of myself, working to pay for school, having to track down my dad for money for the rent so we had a place to live AND having to try to keep my brothers in school. I gotta say, that was not a fun time and I tried to find every possible way to escape.

I transferred to another college for my junior and senior years of college. There again, I had no assistance with that process. I also only had grants and a student loan to pay my way; along with whatever measley money I could earn working part-time at Sears. I had no idea what would happen to my brothers. I cared, but as an 18 (almost 19) year old, what could I do?

I completed my college degree in mass communications when I was 20 years old. During my time in college, I had dated a very abusive boyfriend and had also found the strength to break things off with him (in spite of his repeated attempts to kill me and my family). I managed to graduate with only $4500 in student loand and I had landed a job as a graphic designer. I was on my way to the top.

I share those things because they all contributed to me becoming a VERY VERY VERY independent, strong-willed person. By the time I finished college I was at the point where I'd take orders from NO ONE ever again; especially if those orders got in the way of my success. I had come to believe that there was not a person who would help me do anything and if I wanted something done, by golly, I had better do it myself. If anyone else tried, they'd mess it up.

Fast forward a few years to maybe 1997 or 1998. I was working at a magazing publishing company as the promotions coordinator. I was 22 and was on my way to making art director of one of the publications. I had a good job with GREAT potential.

Around that same time the Southern Baptist Convention made the news by speaking out on the role of women in the home. They said that they believed women should submit to their husbands.

Now, I was a Christian, but I had been out of church for a while. I couldn't deal with the guilt/conviction over my own sin so I ran. There was a man whose office was accross from mine and one day he brought up the topic of submission. I looked him dead and the face and said, "There is NO WAY I would EVER attend a Southern Baptist Church because they are a bunch of wack-os."

Honestly. That's what I said. He asked why and I told him that no man was ever going to tell me what to do in my own home.

God has a GREAT sense of humor though. Let me just tell you! By fall of 1999 I wasn't just a Southern Baptist, I was ENROLLED IN A SOUTHERN BAPTIST SEMINARY!!!! HA HA!

See shortly after that conversation on submission, the guy who I had been dating (and bossing around) and I broke up. I've mentioned that I met Ed in a bar. I don't know if I mentioned that shortly after I broke up with *that* guy, I was dancing at said bar (you can go to a bar JUST to dance and not drink) and Ed was there with a friend. This friend was a nice guy who danced with me and challenged me on a few things.

We were chatting and this guy asked if I attended church. I threw out my old line about not having found one yet. Then this guy asked me how long I had been in the area. I told him about 2 years. He looked me dead in the eye and said, "That's no excuse." In a bar ya'll!!!

I was in church the next Sunday and rededicated my life then. I found a church home and started studying like crazy (all the while developing a strong friendship with Ed). As I studied I changed. I became more aware of what was important and what wasn't. I sought out different types of people to be around. I wanted to be a godly woman.

When Ed and I FINALLY started dating, I began praying EARNESTLY for God to give me wisdom about our relationship. I learned about submission and what it is and isn't. I learned about men and their roles in the home. I yearned for a strong spiritual leader as my husband.

The tricky part was/is that I was/am a very strong person. I remember praying so hard that God would show me if Ed would be able to be a spiritual leader over me. See, I was smitten, but I didn't want to marry some pushover and Ed was so nice (and ya know nice guys can't be strong).

Around that time Ed began to share his thoughts on wanting to be a strong spiritual leader if he was to ever get married again. He began to show me his strong side. I began to allow him to feel like a leader instead of having to lead the way.

Then I went away to seminary and learned even more. Throughout our dating relationship, God showed me how to step aside and let Ed lead.

That's not to say that we didn't/don't have our rough spots on this issue. In fact, on our way to our LAST pre-marital counseling session we got into a fight over the directions to the church that were going into the wedding invitation. We almost called off the wedding over that. He wasn't gonna give and neither was I.

When we got to the counseling session and shared about the fight with our pastor, our pastor (whose name is Pastor Love, by the way) just looked at us and laughed. He told us it was good we were going into marriage *knowing* that we are both strong-willed and are both leaders.

We still have our bumps, but I can say without a doubt that the times when I do put aside my need to be right or to be served or to lead or whatever, are by far the sweetest times in our marriage.

So that's the long version of how I went from hardcore, independent, strong-willed woman to a most-of-the-time submissive wife. Hopefully by the time I'm 90 I will master this submission thing.

Why Blog About Submission?

2007-05-11T22:40:00.000-04:00

This will be the first of a three or four part series on Biblical submission. I thought that before I even began really getting into the discussion, I'd share WHY I want to blog on the topic.

First, the topic is current for me. Our Sunday School class is doing a study on marriage and submission is one of the things we have discussed.

Second, there are a great deal of misconceptions about what submission is and what it isn't. Along those lines, there are right ways and wrong ways to be a submissive wife.

Third, I've been on both sides of the issue. It's not an easy task to WILLINGLY submit your will to someone else; especially when you are as independent and as strong-willed as I am. I think those of us who are submissive can stand to be reminded that what we are doing is the right thing and that those who are struggling with this issue can benefit from hearing our experiences and from learning what Scripture has to say on the issue of submission.

So, with that I bring you everyone's favorite topic: submission. Feel free to chime in with your thoughts and ideas.

Heaven: Why Christians Can Rejoice Even Knowing Loved Ones Won't Be There.

2007-05-11T00:57:00.000-04:00

Challies recently included a quote from John Piper's book, God is the Gospel, that said:

The critical question for our generation--and for every generation--is this: If you could have heaven, with no sickness, and with all the friends you ever had on earth, and all the food you ever liked, and all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties you ever say, all the physical pleasures you ever tasted, and no human conflict or any natural disasters, could you be satisfied with heaven, if Christ was not there?

Good question, I thought. I recently was involved in a discussion about Christians rejoicing about the prospect of Heaven. Non-Christians said that we were cruel and heartless for wanting to go to Heaven when, according to our belief system, we knew that others would be doomed to an eternity of Hell.

First, it struck me as interesting that those who do not even believe in Heaven or Hell would be so concerned as to my thoughts about the afterlife. I mean, if what I believe is a fairy tale, then why should they be concerned. That's beside the point though.

Getting to the heart of the issue; I think the quote at the beginning of this post by Piper sums it up quite nicely. Christ is what makes Heaven -- not physical or emotional pleasure.

Follow along for a minute...

Here on Earth we have our sinful hearts still to deal with. We can be a Christian and know and love Christ and want to serve Him and want Him to be our all in all, but ultimately, as long as we have our sinful hearts, that is an impossibility.

Our sinful hearts make us not put Him first. Our sinful hearts prohibit Him from being our *true* everything. By that I mean that Christ cannot be enough while we have our sinful hearts. Our flesh battles too much and rather than letting Christ ultimately comfort us, we deal with grief, pain anxiety, etc... Christ is not the center of our world. He is not what makes our world go 'round -- in a manner of speaking.

While on Earth, we are being sanctified and our hearts are drawing nearer to Him, but the flesh is still a formidable foe.

However, when we all get to Heaven, what a day of rejoicing that will be! We will gain glorified bodies. The sanctification process will be complete. God will finally be more than enough to comfort us. We will finally be able to sit at His feet with our alabaster boxes and worship with all of our hearts and not be divided in spirit and flesh. Any sorrow or pain that we may have had will be instantaneously washed away by the mere presence of the Lord.

Sure, we can experience Christ's presence to some extent now, but not like it will be in Heaven.

The thought of going to Heaven without my friends and family grieves me like nothing else. However, as strange as it sounds to me, I will be unable to grieve for them when Christ's presence. He will be all I need. His presence will erase all of my sorrows -- even those associated with those I dearly love here on Earth.

See, Heaven is not about me getting to have a pain-free life (though that certainly is an added benefit); it is about being in the presence of the Lord without interruption from my sinful flesh.

I believe Heaven is a literal place and that it will look as John described in the Revelation. What will make it glorious though will be the eternal presence of the Lord.

Similarly, I believe Hell is a literal place and that it is as described in Scripture -- a place of fire and sorrow and pain and gnashing of teeth. However, the absence of the Lord will far outweigh any pain one might feel while in Hell.

With that I say pray for those who are not Christians. Grieve for them while here, but anticipate Heaven. Anticipate basking in the glory of the Lord - finally and forever. Looking forward to those things does not make you hateful or selfish -- it's part of the hope that comes with being a follower of Christ.

Back in the Saddle?

2007-05-11T00:45:00.000-04:00

I think so. Finally.

Things are going well here. I am still off the blood pressure medication and I am finally gaining weight as a result. YIPPEE!!! Who ever thought I'd be happy to gain weight? HA! The baby is doing well, as far as I can tell. She or he likes to kick and flip flop around a lot. She or he also likes to tap-dance on my bladder.

The fatigue from being pregnant usually has me falling asleep with Eddie and then waking up sometime int he middle of the night to brush my teeth and go to bed. That's a big part of why I haven't been blogging. That, and I haven't eben so sure as to what I want to do with this blog anyway.

I think I've got it figured out now though. I don't want this to become a pregnancy blog where you just listen to me whining about spending my days in the bathroom. :) I have several posts that I want to share. I need to type them out and edit them and all that, but they are sitting there in my noggin'. And, not one of them really has much at all to do with pregnancy.

I'd like to share some thoughts about Heaven and why I think it's possible for Christians to look forward to being there even though we know some of our friends and loved ones may not be there with us.

I'd also like to share some thoughts on submission. This is one of my favorite topics because of where I used to stand on the issue and where I now stand. I think submission gets a bad wrap, so I'd like to share my experiences (including my reformation on the idea), as well as what submission is and what it isn't. I think the world's view of what submission is has crept into the church and distorted what is supposed to be a GOOD thing.

I may do a post or two on gossip. I'm not sure yet. I know this is something that has affected all of us in one way or another.

Those are just a few things I'd like to share. I've been learning so much lately. It's been a good time of sweet fellowship with the Lord -- a time for which I am most appreciative.

So, my friends... I think I'm back for a while. I look forward to seeing ya 'round the blogosphere.

More Good News!

2007-05-02T23:54:00.000-04:00

This past weekend there was a snafu with my blood pressure prescription and I could not get it filled.

I missed two doses before the doc could see me to write out a new prescription.

THAT, my friends, was a God thing. See, I've been feeling completely horrible every single evening and fairly crappy during the day as well since I've been on the meds. However, the particular medication that I was on was also good for preventing pre-term labor, so...

Anyway... I missed two doses and I promise I had not felt so good in such a long time. You know how when you feel badly for so long you forget what it feels like to feel good? That's where I was.

When I called the doc to tell them I could not get my prescription refilled the nurse asked if I had had any problems with the meds. I told her I'd been feeling horrible. The doc said he'd see me that day.

So off I went. I was nervous that my blood pressure would be up since I had missed a few doses of my meds, but I prayed like crazy that my BP would be down -- even lower than my last reading. I called my good friend back home in NC -- the butterfly lady -- and asked her to pray as well.

I even bought chocolate for the nurses who work in the lab and who take my blood pressure. I figured a bribe to get them to write down a lower number wouldn't be such a bad thing.

The nurse took my BP and wrote it down without telling me what it was. She said it was not bad and that she'd take it after she weighed me and after I'd had a few minutes to sit and relax. So, that's what we did.

The first reading was 122/82. Folks, that's TEN points lower than it was previously. That's without the meds. The second reading was 120/80. At that point, I was about ready to do cartwheels in the office. :)

Anyway... The doc saw me and told me we had two options, I could stop taking it altogether and they could monitor my BP to see how I was doing or he could reduce my dosage to 1 pill per day instead of two. He also asked why I have high blood pressure. I told him I had no clue.

There is no family history, even among my sausage-gravy-and-biscuit-eatin' kinfolk. I eat fairly well, not perfectly, but decent. I chase a toddler around all day. I told him that until I got pregnant, I'd never had a problem with my BP at all.

So after hearing that and hearing that I had felt horrible and been vomitting nearly every night, we decided to try me without the medication. WOOHOOOO!!!!! I could have kissed the doc at that point. Seriously.

The butterfly lady said a few things during our phone conversation that made me go "hmmm."

The first thing she said was that perhaps this little BP thing was one of those faith tests.

Perhaps God was asking me if I really trust him -- kinda like how he asked Peter if he loved him. If I really trusted him, then I wouldn't have been so freaked out, now would I? If I really trusted him, I would have shouted his praises in the doctor's face when he told me I needed to be on meds. (NO, I'm NOT saying that I would have said NO to the meds.) Just that I would have praised God anyway. Perhaps if I really trusted Him, then my anxiety after the first reading wouldn't have shot my BP even further on up. Good food for thought.

The second thing she said was that perhaps my anxieties from all the pre-term labor with Eddie fed into my BP being high. That, combined with seeing a military doc for the first time ever and having the med tech there about fall over when she saw that my BP was very slightly elevated could have certainly started a crazy thought train that made me incredibly ansious and thus raised my BP.

There again though, was I really trusting.

So, my highest reading was 160/90. My most recent reading was 120/80. The meds only typically drop BP by 10 points. Reaching the second trimester probably helped my BP come down a bit just because of the bodily changes -- I'll be generous and give it a 10 point drop as well. That leaves an additional 20 point drop that can only be attributed to the Master Physician. Most pregnant women see increases in their BP as the pregnancy progresses. I'm praying that in this respect I am atypical.

I am trusting that when I go back next week my BP will be completely normal and I will be allowed to stay of the medication. I like feeling human again. And perhaps now I'll be able to gain a pound or two.

So Much For Keeping My Promise, Huh?

2007-04-27T23:23:00.000-04:00

Sorry friends. Really I am.

I've been so busy trying to make sure that I get some exercise in and tending to Eddie and all that I just have not been on the computer much. Besides, the weather has been absolutely wonderful (for the most part) lately, so sitting at a desk instead of spending time outside just seems wrong to me.

Things are going well. My blood pressure has calmed down a bit. I am still dealing with morning sickness though. Only, it's sooooo much worse in the evenings. I really can't wait for the sickness part of this pregnancy to be gone.

Truth be told, I can't wait until the end of this pregnancy. I know, I know, I should be thankful. And I really am. I am so blessed. Eddie is absolutely wonderful and I know that just being able to get pregnant is a miracle for so many women. I just don't "do" pregnancy well.

I hate feeling bloated all the time. I hate my face looking like the Domino's Pizza Special of the Week. I hate gagging everytime I brush my teeth or change Eddie's diaper. And I hate wondering if this pregnancy will have the same problems as my last pregnancy.

Overall, I feel optimistic about carrying this child to full term. That's the truth. I'd be lying though if I said that there wasn't some nagging in the back of my mind that makes me worry about having to ride the NICU roller coaster again.

If you've not ever had to deal with pre-term labor and the complications that causes, then I don't know that you would understand. I don't mean that as a slam. Not at all. It's just that doing the NICU thing scars you. You lose the innocence that so many women have regarding pregnancy.

I had that innocence with Eddie. I remember thinking, "Okay, We are having an October baby and all will be well and that's that." I thought like that until about 20 weeks or so. That time from the time I took that pregnancy test to about 20 weeks was my babymoon.

After 20 weeks, I don't know what it was, but in my heart I knew that I'd deliver early. Perhaps
it was all the contractions. Even though they were Braxton-Hicks contractions, they did change my cervix.

When I hit 24 weeks I thanked God that My child was viable. When I hit 29 weeks and two days I delivered. I didn't get that babymoon that most moms get. I didn't get to hold my son until he was NINE DAYS OLD! Our first picture together is not of me snuggling with him. It's of me and Ed standing in front of a warming bed with our son hooked up to wires and a ventilator.

So now, I hope that I get that real babymoon with this child. I hope that I get to snuggle him or her right after she's born. I hope she/he gets to room in with me at the hospital and that I get to breastfeed from the beginning without having to use that stupid pump. I hope that my first picture with this child includes me really smiling - not just forcing a smile for the camera.

I hope for these things, but I am no longer so naive as to expect them. My innocence was lost on August 5, 2005.

Faith is the substance of things HOPED for, right? My faith gives me hope. My experiences fight to conquer that hope each day. I will not give in though. I will keep the faith.

I guess that kinda is why I haven't been blogging much. I've been busy gestating and trying to do everything within my power to make sure that I stay pregnant for as long as is possible.

I'll try to blog something happy and cheery tomorrow. I've got lots of that too.

An Update & A Promise

2007-04-02T09:39:00.000-04:00

Okay... Sorry I've been slack about posting here. Things have been a little wacky lately. I do promise to do better in the near future.

With that, let me update you on how things are going.

Physically: Ehhh, up and down. The blood pressure is still elevated, but it's much better than it was. So, that's a blessing. The pregnancy sickness (I refuse to call it morning sickness) hits me the worst in the afternoons and evenings. Nothing too horrible, just that general I'm-gonna-hurl feeling. So, I am surviving that.

The worst thing I am dealing with though is a combination of headaches and ummm... gastrointesinal distress. Not fun and it seems to hit me every 2-3 days.

I've lost weight. My size 2 jeans are still fitting perfectly and I am nearly 13 weeks pregnant. I know the weight will come, I just want the little bean to be healthy and strong. Know what I mean?

Spiritually: I won't lie. I struggled with some anxiety at teh beginning of this pregnancy. Periodically, that anxiety creeps back up on me. I think that's due in part to Eddie's premature delivery and in part to the blood pressure issue. I've never had any health problems, so the blood pressure thing threw me for a wonky loop.

However, I know that those worries were/are the result of my lack of faith and that I was wrongly looking at circumstances instead of at Christ. As long as I keep God's promises in mind and as long as I don't read too much information about what *could* happen, then I am fine. I have to constantly remind myself that GOD is in control, not some doctor and not some crazy blood pressure problems. God has knit together this life that I carry. HE is the author and finisher of life and of my faith.

So, with that, I am doing alright overall. Trying to stay healthy and hangin' in there.

An Update

2007-03-19T10:03:00.000-04:00

Hi there. Sorry I've been slack about updating here. I'm struggling with not wanting this blog to turn into a pregnancy blog.

Anyway... First, Thank you so much for the prayers and encouragement. They really mean a lot to me.

Second, here's the update. I went to the OB last Thursday. Love the doc. He's wonderful and will be very proactive in attempting to prevent me from delivering another preemie. That, right off the bat gets him MAJOR brownie points. :)

The not-so-good-news is that my BP was high enough that I had to start meds immediately and I have to go back in today for a blood pressure check.

For most people, pregnancy-induced-hypertension starts much later in the pregnancy. Of course, my body apparently can't do pregnancy "normally" so here I am.

I am trying hard to trust God in all of this and to not be anxious. Ya know.. .the whole Philippians 4:6-8 thing. It's a struggle for me.

Anyway... that's the update. I will try and post more this week.

Pray For Me Please

2007-03-09T13:45:00.000-05:00

I'll make this short. It appears that any hopes I had of ever having an easy, low-risk pregnancy have been chucked out the window. I think I held onto those hopes for all of about 2 seconds.

Here's the scoop. I am 9 weeks pregnant (or thereabouts). My blood pressure is already elevated. Considering that I have no family history of high blood pressure, I weigh 120 lbs, I've NEVER had HBP, I have no other risk factors; it would appear that this is pregnancy induced.

Yippee for me. I am a bit freaked out. I tend to do that. I can't seem to get in touch with a doctor who can prescribe something for me (ya know... military and all that) so I've put myself on bedrest until they call me back.

I am determined to have a healthy baby born as close to full-term as is possible for me. And I am not going to let it kill me. So... Please pray for me. Pray for peace and healing. Pray for Ed and Eddie because I have no idea how I am going to tend to their needs while I am on self-inflicted bedrest.

Sorry I haven't been around much lately. This is part of why. I am going to take a nap and to pray some more.

Thanks so much for your prayers.

WHAT Is This World Coming To?

2007-03-03T23:09:00.000-05:00

I can't believe I just wrote that. That is surely proof that I am old. I couldn't help it though.

I don't have cable or an antennae, so I don't watch TV or the news. I don't have a subscription to the newspaper here in Sumter because, well, I can't see paying to read about how Bubba caught 6 catfish and served 'em up at the church fish fry on Saturday night. Once in a while I venture out on the web and read the news, but For the most part, I am content keeping up only with the BIG stuff and letting my head stick in the sand for the rest.

Tonight though, I decided to venture on over to Fox News. Can I just say that I was absolutely appalled.

While I can respect some of Ann Coulter's ideas, I do think she has crossed the line one too many times. I get saying what's on your mind. I get standing up for what you believe in. I don't get why you have to call someone a name or why you have to be so vile towards those with whom you disagree.

Then there was the story about the man who is missing after allegedly dismembering his wife. I don't think I need to say anything else there.

Then, a story told of how construction workers found the body of a baby girl with the umbilical cord still attached crammed into a 2 gallon pickle jar and buried. If you don't want to raise the child, then please, put the child up for adoption. No one will think horribly of you. PLEASE, don't kill an innocent child because you are scared, ashamed or whatever.

And then, the clencher. A man apparently videotaped his ex-girlfriend performing lewd acts. Then, he made DVD of the video and left them on car windows. Why? Because she broke up with him. Newsflash Dude! This ain't gonna win her back.

It's a wonder that God hasn't just said, "poof" to this old world and made this all just go away. It's a good thing I am not God. I would have "poofed" all this away a long time ago. We are not deserving of even air to breathe, let alone food to eat and nice clothes and beautiful scenery. Yet, instead of poofing us away, He proves His mercy is everlasting. Thank God.

Sad Day

2007-03-03T21:26:00.000-05:00

A few days ago I posted about my Aunt Karen and my Uncle Roger. Although they divorced long before I was born, they remained the best of friends and I truly don't think my uncle ever stopped loving Aunt Karen.

That post was prompted because a week ago this past Thursday my Aunt Karen had three successive heart attacks. She was deprived of oxygen for an extended amount of time. She was left comatose and on life support. She had a DNR order, but neither her children nor her husband could bring themselves to take her off life support so soon after her heart attacks.

Today, they honored her wishes and had the doctors remove the life support machines. Aunt Karen passed very soon afterwards.

My family is very scattered and we are not all that close, emotionally speaking. While I am sad that my aunt is no longer here, I am more concerned about her children, her ex-husband Roger (my uncle) and her widow, Rusty. Please pray for them.

Tonight We're Gonna Party Like It's 1999

2007-03-02T22:29:00.000-05:00

Cause back then I still had energy past, oh, 8 PM.

Here it is 10:30 PM and I am still awake! That's amazing in and of itself. That I am actually writing a coherent sentence is really a miracle.

The ladies at 5 Minutes For Mom are hosting a Blog Party this week and I've decided to join them. You should too!

So, For those of you who don't know me, allow me to introduce myself. I am Bev. There's nothing extraordinary about me. I'm just plain Bev. I like it that way.

I am married to Ed who *currently* works as a meteorologist for the US Air Force. He's working on building his flight time during his free time so he can get a job as a commercial pilot. Either way, Air Force or pilot, I am happy. It's the uniform thing... do ya follow?

We have one son, Eddie, who is 19 months old. Eddie is absolutely amazing. He's THE cutest kid in the world and he's pretty smart too. He's a little stubborn and strong-willed, which is probably why he ended up making his appearance after gestating for a short 29 weeks. He was a tiny little thing when he was born, but he was a fighter. Still is. He is our pride and joy.

Soon, (like in October) Eddie will be getting a little brother or sister. We're pretty psyched about that. A little freaked out too. Dude, I need some sleep and it doesn't appear as though I will be getting any for a long time now.

That's the scoop on us. As far as what you may find here at my blog, well, that really depends. Mostly it depends on my mood. Sometimes I am really introspective and that's when all my thoughts about my faith tend to come out. Sometimes they make sense, sometimes they tick people off and sometimes it's just a happy post.

Other times, I am bragging on my husband or my son. Who could blame me? Really. My husband is supa-hot (especially in his uniform) and my son is so cute you could just eat him right up.

And then there are times when I blab about random stuff. Things in the news. Life in general. Being a mommy. You know... the usual.

See, I told ya, I am just plain Bev. I like it that way.

On Second Thought...

2007-02-26T23:25:00.000-05:00

I just Googled some morning sickness remedies. I found a website for midwives. Several shared their remedies for all-day sickness.

Apparently there's a study that indicates potato chips and lemonade are a good remedy. Another mentions ice cream and coke. Sounds like a plan to me. HA!

Of course, one woman said that she made herself throw up bile each day to alleviate morning sickness. Think I'll skip that one.

Can I Make A Confession?

2007-02-26T23:07:00.000-05:00

At this point, I have to say that I am most definitely NOT one of those women who just loces being pregnant. I know some women would look down on me for that, but I'm sorry. That's just the truth.

During my pregnancy with Eddie there was maybe a total of 4 weeks when I wasn't gagging, on bedrest, contracting, or drugged up. I thought after the first trimester that everything would be wonderful. That's what everyone says. Sure, my all-day sickness subsided, but I had Braxton-Hicks contractions regularly starting at about 12 weeks or so.

Then, there was all that pre-term labor and bedrest and medication. That just was awful.

Now, I am about 6 weeks pregnant and everything is the same as during my first trimester last time. I keep hearing that every pregnancy is different, so I was hoping that I'd be lucky and not be gagging all the time this pregnancy. No such luck.

And, I know this will sound silly, but when I'd have those Braxton-Hicks contractions last pregnancy, I'd get this weird sensation throughout my abdomen and chest. It's not something I can describe really. It was a tightening/gas/heartburn/gotta pee sensation. While I obviously have not felt my belly tighten since I'm barely pregnant, I have to say that that familiar, distinctive sensation has hit me on occasion. That bothers me. Makes me worry about pre-term labor again.

Then, of course, I get all upbeat and remind myself that I WILL go full-term this time or else I dunno what. So, new fears hit me. Ya know... my first child was only 2 lbs and 13 oz when i pushed him out with no medication since the epi didn't work. I dunno if I can handle having a 6 pound baby and an epi that doesn't work. Honestly, that scares the mess outta me. Truly.

Of course, there's also the basic pregnancy stuff that's just not fun. You know, being 31 and having a face that looks like the before picture on a "proActiv" commercial and the maternity clothes that are just hideous and the constant peeing and heartburn and hunger and gas. Joy.

I am excited about the new baby. I have already begun thinking of names for *her*. I like Ella for a first name. Not sure about a middle name though. If this baby is a boy though, I haven't a clue what we'll name him. Ed wanted to name Eddie "Soda Pop." I am absolutely serious!

I think it will be great fun to watch Eddie and his new sister. ;) I just wish there was an easier way for her to get here.

Does that make me an awful mom?

Dude! I Am SUCH A Slacker!

2007-02-26T19:53:00.000-05:00

I just read this post over at the Sparrow's Nest. Can I just say that I feel like a complete slacker now? Now, I know that some of my answers are different simply because of my circumstances (like the freezer answer), but most of them are different because I am a total and complete slacker.

Here are my answers:

Aprons- Y/N? I really really should, but I don't have one. I thought about how badly I need one tonight as oil from the pork shops splattered up onto my shirt. Sigh.
Baking- Favorite thing to bake? Banana Bread
Clothesline- Y/N? No. I live in a townhome...
Donuts- Ever made them? Years ago, but I cheated and used canned biscuits.
Everyday- One homemaking thing you do everyday? Dishes. YUCK!
Freezer- Do you have a separate deep freezer? I wish, but there is no room in our townhome for a deep freezer.
Garbage Disposal- Y/N? Yes, but when we have a house and a garden again I do plan on composting as much of our waste as possible.
Handbook- Y/N? There's a homemaking handbook? Who knew??!
Ironing- Love it or hate it? Ummm... I don't iron. {blush}
Junk Drawer- Where is it? In our kitchen. It's pretty organized and because the drawer also holds foil, plastic wrap and ziplocs, there's not a LOT of junk in there.
Kitchen- Design and decorating? Not a lot of room for decorating. I do have a red and cream valance up and I use mason jars to store utensils like spatulas and such.
Love- What is your favorite part of homemaking? Cleaning. I know, I am a freak. Cleaning is like therapy for me though. Decorating is fun, but it costs so much money and I am so picky that it loses its appeal.
Mop- Y/N? Most often, I scrub on my hands and knees. Don't think that's all that special. I have VERY little floor space that requires mopping.
Nylons- Wash them by hand or in the washer? I don't wear nylons except for maybe three or four times a year. I toss them in the washer.
Oven- Do you use the window or open it to check? Both.
Pizza- What do you put on yours? Tomatoes, extra cheese, pepperoni (sometimes) mushrooms, olives and green peppers.
Quiet- What do you do during the day when you get a quiet moment? Hmmm...let's see...blog or nap. {blush}
Recipe card box- Y/N? I have a box and a binder, but I rarely use either. I also have a file folder full of family recipes that still need to be organized.
Style of house- Two story, townhome.
Tablecloths and napkins- Y/N? I have a tablecloth for special occasions. Eddie is still a very messy eater and would ruin anything I may use on a daily basis. I would love to switch to cloth napkins -- ya know for the cost and environent, but Ed won't let me.
Under the kitchen sink- Sorta neat, sorta messy.
Vacuum- How many times a week? At least 3.
Wash- How many loads do you do a week? Hmmm...lately it seems like more, but I'd say usually around 6.
X’s- Do you keep a list of things to do and cross them off? I am definitely a list-maker. I rarely follow the lists though.
Yard- Who does what? When we had a yard I did the gardening and Ed mowed. I miss my garden terribly.
ZZZ’s- What is your last homemaking task for the day? Usually it's picking up the toys that Eddie has strewn all over everywhere. Tonight though I had to take out the trash.
If you read all of this, consider yourself tagged!

He Never Stopped Loving Her

2007-02-24T22:35:00.000-05:00

I know that sounds like a country song, but it's so true of my uncle Roger and his ex-wife Karen. Karen is still Aunt Karen to me even though they divorced over 25 years ago.

Uncle Roger and his family were really the only extended family I grew up around at all. Even then, after age 12 or so, I really didn't see much of Uncle Roger and his family. Circumstances just didn't allow for it.

Roger and Karen were married young. They had one child who died in infancy. They then had three more children, Christy, Becky and Alex. Sometime after Alex was born, Roger and Karen divorced. I am not sure why, but I suspect it had a lot to do with the loss of their first child.

Aunt Karen remarried, but she still considered my family as part of her extended family. She never said a harsh word to anyone. She welcomed us all even though she had divorced my uncle. Even as recently as last year, some 20 years after she and my uncle split up, she sent my grandma a mother's day card addresed to "mom." That was just her way. She has a kind and gentle spirit.

Uncle Roger tried to move on after the divorce. He remarried several times. It never worked out. And if I had my guess, I'd say that's probably because he never stopped loving my aunt. They have maintained close ties through the years. In fact, if I need to contact my uncle, I know the best way is to call Aunt Karen.

I don't understand why things never worked for them. If ever there was a couple meant for each other, it was Uncle Roger and Aunt Karen.

Sadly, last night my Aunt Karen had a heart attack. After the heart attack she suffered some sort of stroke or something along those lines. She is in a coma. They don't expect her to recover. If she does wake up, they expect her to be in a vegetative state.

I suspect that this will hit my uncle far worse than it will hit my cousins. They will probably lose their mother, but he will lose the only woman he ever truly loved; the woman he lost in so many ways years ago. Even though they have been divorced for so long, their friendship has been a fortress of sorts for my uncle.

Please say a prayer for my family tonight. I do not know if Aunt Karen is a Christian. My heart is broken for my uncle and for my cousins.

Extra! Extra! Read All About It!

2007-02-22T12:10:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I've been feeling "off" the past week or two. My tummy's been queasy. I've been tired. My face has looked like that of a 13 year old. And on and on...

You can probably guess what I'm gonna share.

That's right... Eddie's gonna be a big brother.

Yeah! "Holy Cow!" was my first thought too.

This was not planned or unplanned. We were just kinda seeing what happens. Just an FYI, when a couple has intimate relations, there is a possibility of pregnancy; in case you didn't already know that.

I can already hear the questions... "Was it planned?" "Will this be your last?" "I guess you want a girl now, huh?" and on and on and on...

I'll deal with the questions, hopefully in a kind manner. I don't know how I will deal with having a two-year-old son and a newborn though. That thought is a little terrfying. And then there's the queasiness and gagging. I never actually get *sick* but I gag just getting in and out of the car or going outside or brushing my teeth.

I reckon I'll manage somehow though.

My goal is to stay pregnant for a full NINE months this time. Kinda scary. Means I'll deliver a baby bigger than 2 lbs 13 oz. Dunno if I can handle that!

Lots going on

2007-02-21T16:27:00.000-05:00

There is too much going on right now for me to even know where to begin. Just know that I plan on bringing you up to speed within the next few days.

In The News

2007-02-20T09:30:00.000-05:00

This morning I read two news stories that affected me pretty heavily for two different reasons.

The first one is just frightening. A man in FL says he is the Antichrist and has thousands of followers. I don't really believe him, but it's scary that someone would take pride in being the Antichrist.

The second story just warms my heart. It's evidence that God is concerned with all of life, even that which is considered by science to be unviable. It's more evidence against abortion, in my mind. It's a story of hope and life. A child was born at 22 weeks gestations and has survived. She's on her way home, weighing the same as Eddie did when he was released from the hospital.

Divorce

2007-02-13T12:15:00.000-05:00

I know... it's almost Valentine's Day so I probably shouldn't bring this topic up. However, the topic came up in Sunday School and I'd like to share my thoughts.

Most people don't know that Ed was married before. It's just not something that we advertise because it's noneya. Being that he has no children from his previous marriage, there isn't really any reason that the topic would come up.

When I was a young girl I *knew* that I'd never get divorced and that I'd never marry someone who had been divorced. Why? Because if a couple got divorced it was ALWAYS the man's fault so of course I wouldn't want to marry someone who had already proven that he couldn't make a marriage work.

Here's what I didn't know though (because it was NEVER said); sometimes the woman can be at fault for a divorce. Sometimes a person makes a mistake. Forgiveness is always available and grace abounds.

I remember when Ed first told me he had been divorced. My heart sank. I didn't know what to do with the information. But, I really liked Ed so I maintained my end of our friendship. By the time we started dating, the fact that he had been divorced had become pretty much background information that had no bearing on our relationship -- or so I thought.

Then, I went to seminary. The place where most often divorced people are scorned and treated as leppers. Then, to make matters even more complicated, this seminary student got engaged to a divorced man. *GASP!* How could I do such a thing?

While I was in seminary I heard many lectures about divorce and how wrong it is. I do not deny that one bit. Divorce is sin. God hates divorce. Divorce is only permitted in cases of adultery and "the hardness of the hearts" (many say the latter refers to abuse). Because of the details of Ed's divorce, I believe his divorce was permissable (and no, he wasn't unfaithful or abusive).

I also heard many lectures and debates as to whether remarriage was permitted for those who had been divorced. Here, the water gets murky. Some say no. Some say yes. Some say only in certain instances. Some of my old seminary professors would have no doubt counseled me to break off my engagement. Some of them would have told me it was okay to marry Ed. I didn't go to them though. I searched Scripture and prayed A LOT about the issue.

My pastor at my home church would not have married us. I knew that, so I did not ask. Ed did talk to his pastor (who later married us and became our pastor). By the way, we were married by Pastor Love (really his last name). That cracks me up.

I believe there is always room for grace and forgiveness. I also completely understand that remarriage is a murky area and that some people hold the personal conviction that they cannot marry someone who has been divorced. I do not hold that against them, but I do pray that they would approach the issue with grace and love.

Divorce is not a murky issue. It's an abomination. However, it's no more an abomination than telling a lie or gluttony or jealousy or anger or murder.

If we, as Christians fail to extend God's grace to someone because we deem their sin worse than our own sin, then we truly do not understand grace.

And for the record grace doesn't mean ignoring sin or not ever confronting someone on it.

Days 5, 6, 7, & 8: He's just amazing!

2007-02-13T11:48:00.000-05:00

Okay, since I obviously lack the sticktiutiveness to do any consecutive posting, I am just gonna post the rest of my list of Ed things in one giant post here.

Day 5: He's a provider. The entire time that we've been married Ed has only asked me to work when he was in school trying to better his career opportunities so that he could provide a better living for us.

When Eddie was born, I was trying to still work and visit my son at the hospital. (Yeah, I know that was stupid). Ed saked me to quit. I didn't listen, but he did ask. He was still a full-time student at the time, but he took a job delivering pizza so that we would be provided for.

As a side note... I didn't listen to my husband about quitting my job, so what happened? My freelance opportunities died with my computer and my remote connection to my computer at my regular job failed -- completely. Coincidence? I think not.

Always listen to your hubby!

Day 6: He's Our Spiritual Leader. When Ed and I were just *newly* dating I remember specifically asking God to let me know if Ed could be a spiritual leader of a family. See, I am rather independent and I knew I needed someone who could pull me in and help me not be the boss of everything.

A day or so later Ed and I went to a movie. While we were in the car on the way back, with no prompting from me, Ed said, "I really want to be a strong spiritual leader for my family..." I really don't remember much of what he said after that because for some silly reason I was in shock that God had actually answered my prayer. (Yeah, my faith was weak.)

Since then I've learned to submit to Ed more fully and he's grown as the leader of our home. Submission is not an easy thing for me -- and it's really not easy when it comes to spiritual matters. I mean afterall, I am the one with the seminary degree, not him. BUT STILL, God has ordered that Ed be the leader of our home. Ed fulfills his role. That glorifies God. That makes me want to submit to my husband. That makes it easier for me to accept him as the leader of our home.

Day 7: He's Giving. Giving of material items is not one of my better abilities -- not usually. It's not so much that I want to take, just that giving is not something that comes as second nature to me. Ed is completely the opposite.

He'll probably shoot me when he reads this, but really, he's the most giving person I know.

Again, let me tell you about when we were dating. I won't mention the NUMEROUS times he fixed my little broke down car. I won't mention the earrings he gave me or the care packages he sent to me while I was in school. I'll just mention one thing; tuition assistance.

The seminary I attended did not take student loans and was not eligible for pell grants and the like. Money was given to a general fund by various people and that scholarship money wsa divided up among people who needed it and who maintained a decent GPA. I was the recipient of that every semester while I wsa in school, but it was only about $300 per semester usually. $300 doesn't cover much. So I worked three jobs and went to school full time. I was very tired.

One semester I received a notice that I had been awarded an anonymous scholarship of $1000. I was completely dumbfounded. That sort of stuff just doesn't happen to me. I had no idea who my benefactor was -- at least not at first.

Ed, bless his heart, had tried to be quiet about the scholarship and he was doing a great job. He can keep a secret like nobody's business. However, I worked in the public relations office and had a lot of dealings with the office of financial development. Long story short, Ed couldn't hide that he'd given me the scholarship.

Since we've been married I've seen Ed give numerous items to others. I've listened as he reasoned with me as to why we should give more money to my parents. I've listened as he's shared how he wishes he could give more to help so many people.

What a blessing to know that your husband is so concerned about the well-being of others.

Day 8: He Makes Pretty Babies. Okay, we only have one child, but honestly, Eddie is about the cutest little boy that ever walked the Earth (i'm not biased or anything).

Considering that Eddie looks and acts just like his dad, I can't take any credit for Eddie being so stinkin' cute. I mean really...

DUDE!!!

2007-02-13T11:46:00.000-05:00

I am so far behind. I owe like 4 pages of Why I love Ed posts. I need to blog about church on Sunday. I need to blog about my phone conversation last night. AND, I need to blog about my friend who is coming for a visit this weekend.

Woooo doggie! Better get on it.

Day 4: He's Smart!

2007-02-08T23:22:00.000-05:00

Some people get that look that says "uck!" when I tell them Ed was an auto technician. Almost as if they thought he was below them or below me. And, admittedly, before I met Ed, I may have thought similarly about auto techs. That was only my snobbery and ignorance shining through.

As I got to know Ed, I discovered that he's a brain. Seriously. He has an associate's degree in auto tech, several pilot ratings and the equivalent of an associates degree in meteorology. i have a master's degree -- shouldn't that trump and associate's degree? Well, let me tell you, it doesn't.

I may be able to diagram a sentence and complete suduko puzzles like it's nobody's business, but Ed understands stuff that's actually important -- like physics and mechanics -- things that make our world work. Stuff that has literally brought me to tears before. I mean I can't even begin to understand the basics of the simplest of machines. Ed can fix anything. He can build anything.

He's also rather bright in history and politics. I'm guessing that Ed will be the one teaching Eddie any science and history courses. I'll do the easy stuff, like literature and art and music.

Day 3: He's Funny

2007-02-08T23:16:00.000-05:00

Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you two things about me. 1. I am stubborn. 2. I tell horribly corny jokes and laugh as I am telling them.

Most people don't "get" my sense of humor. It's dry and sarcastic. Probably closer to British humor than American humor. Ed "gets" it though --even if he doesn't want to admit it. His jokes are as corny as mine -- maybe even cornier -- and I love that.

For the first 3 years we were married, whenever I told him I was going to get a shower, he'd reply with a straight face that we already have a shower. Ba-dum-bum.

To have someone who "gets" me and who shaes my sense of humor is a rare thing. It's one more reason to tresure my Ed.

We Interrupt This Program...

2007-02-07T15:31:00.000-05:00

to bring you a special message. Your regularly scheduled program, "9 Days of Ed" will air sometime following this message.

Everyone who has ever read more than a post or two on this blog knows that Eddie was born 11 weeks early. You also know that we are VERY blessed in that other than being a little small for his age, Eddie is 100% completely healthy. That truly is a testament to the grace and power of God.

That said, there are many, many moms who give birth to children prematurely who are not nearly as lucky as we have been. There are also moms who are capable of carrying a child to term but whose children are born with serious defects or who are born straight into Heaven.

The March of Dimes works diligently each year to research causes of and cures for prematurity, birth defects and sudden antenatal death. They are able to fund this research through donations from people like you and me.

One event that they host annually is WalkAmerica. Last year Eddie and I participated and raised just shy of $500! This year, I am inviting you to join me in the fight against prematurity, birth defects and SADS. You can donate to the March of Dimes through my www.walkamerica.com to find out more.

I apologize for the begging, but I believe this is a good cause.

And now... back to your regularly scheduled blogging.

Day Two: He's My Friend

2007-02-06T22:43:00.000-05:00

I completely admit that by the end of the first year I knew Ed (from July, 1998- August, 1999) I seriously was fed up with the whole "friend" gig.

We hung out OFTEN. He took me to dinner and brought me roses. He rubbed my feet and fixed my car. All because he was my friend. I longed for more and I am pretty sure he did too.

See, in Jan. of 1999 there was an ice storm. That night I called to talk to Ed, but my brother-in-law, Paul, answered the phone instead. So, I was friendly and spent a long time -- like an hour or so -- talking to Paul. Ed didn't want to talk that night. At least that's what Paul told me.

About a week later Ed stopped by my apartment to return some CDs he had borrowed. Then he proceeded to "break up" with me even though we were just "friends." He told me that he liked me too much and that he just couldn't deal with that right then. Then, he left and I stood in my livingroom completely confused and heartbroken.

Me being all persistant and what-not, I couldn't just leave things be so I did what any self-respecting weenie would do. I wrote him a letter explaining that I felt the same way and I didn't think he was being fair. Of course, I have such a way with words that Ed just had to call me.

And we continued being friends for another LONG 6 or 7 months. While that was annoying as all get out, I have to say that I truly do appreciate that time that we spent building our friendship.

Ed's the only person I've ever been close to for longer than two years. He's the one I tell all my secrets to. He's been there when I've been at about my lowest point and he's seen me at my happiest point. He even watched me give birth after being on hospital bedrest for several days (read: no shower) and he still likes me.

So now, even though our "friendship" nearly caused me to lose my mind 7 or so years ago, it is now what saves my sanity on long hard days.

Day One: He's HOT!

2007-02-05T14:54:00.000-05:00

Today I am going to celebrate my honey's hottness. To be honest, it's what initailly attracted me to him.

The first time I laid eyes on Ed was in a bar. I was out on the dance floor and as soon as he walked in, he caught my eye. It really was like one of those scenes from some cheesy movie where all of a sudden one person sees another walk in and everything goes to slow motion and "love" music starts playing in the background.

I can't say it was love at that point, but it definitely was lust at first sight. He was wearing his cowboy hat, a white button-down shirt and a black vest with his TIGHT wrangler jeans. (It's a wonder we have a child, those jeans were *that* tight). I'll just say that his features were nicely accentuated. ;)

He chose a seat near the dance floor and I just *had* to go dance near him, he was THAT hot. Yes, I was lusting BIG TIME.

That's how we began our friendship -- with lust. Over the course of the next year or so our friendship developed even more. Thank God. It was almost a year after that initial meeting that Ed invited me to go jet-skiing with his brother and best friend. I accepted the invitation, hoping that something more would FINALLY come of this friendship.

See, I'd been longing for Ed to be mine for a whole year now. I knew he had some feelings that way too, but neither of us would act on them. So we remained "friends."

Anyway... I showed up at his house bright and early on the morning of July 3, 1999. I had no idea what awaited me. Imagine my shock when Ed answered his door wearing only his swim trunks. Yeah, I almost had to leave. The lust factor was just about too much for this girl to handle.

I decided to stay though and Ed decided to torture me further by proceeding to finish his morning stretches and push ups right in front of me. The rest of the day consisted of me just wallowing in the sin of lust and ended with Ed rubbing my feet because I was his "friend." It was a really hard day.

Obviously, we finally did move past the "friend" stage. The lust never left though, not while we were dating, not after we got engaged and really, it hasn't left since we were married a little over four years ago. We are both a little older now and I've got my sags and wrinkles, but he's still just as hot as he was back then -- especially when he's got his uniform on. Hubba Hubba.

So that's day one of why I love my Ed.

Why do you love your hubby?

Nine Days of Ed

2007-02-05T14:20:00.000-05:00

I am tpically anti-Valentine's Day. I really really hate the color pink. I am not a big fan of cheesy hearts and cupids. And I don't understand WHY in the world people choose to get all ushy-gushy simply because the date is Feb. 14.

If you're gonna be ushy-gushy, be true to yourself and do it all year around. Know what I mean?

I've always been like this. I am not some scorned lover who just refuses to be happy or any of that mess. I just don't like Valentine's Day.

People have tried to convince me to come to the "pink side" and at least wear red on V-Day. My college pal Jen who also was a resident assistant on the same staff as I was decided she would break me of my anti-V-Day attitude. Since she was a resident assistant, she had a key to my room. While I was in class she broke in and made my dorm room look like cupid had exploded. There were pink and red hearts, streamers and balloons EVERYWHERE!

Now, on some level, I did appreciate the sentiment, but seriously there was way too much pink.

Ed has even tried to break me of my anti-V-Day attitude. When we were friends, before we started dating, he decided to take me to dinner on Valentine's Day. He even showed up at my apartment with three red roses. The evening wsa going great until he said, "It's so nice to have a good FRIEND to be able to go to dinner with."

Yeah, I wasn't convinced by THAT to come to the pink side either.

All that said, everyone is all ushy-gushy already this year. And I have absolutely been blessed with the love of my life; Ed. He truly is amazing. So, while I am NOT joining the pink side, I have decided that each day for the next several days... up until the "Pink Day," share with you reasons why I am completely and absolutely smitten by my husband. Maybe that's too mushy for some of you or perhaps too personal. That's okay. I should sing my hubby's praises, whether anyone reads or not. I will keep my posts PG-13 rated and I can assure you that I will be sharing quite a few funny stories. So, if you know me in real life, you may want to read up so you can have something to blackmail Ed with shoudl you ever need to resort to that.

Middle of the Road

2007-02-04T13:46:00.000-05:00

I understand that being lukewarm is a bad thing -- when it comes to Christianity at least. No problem with that at all. I undestand also that somethings in general are just right or wrong. No problem there either. In fact, I prefer it that way.

That said, I have come to discover that nothing appears to be as black and white as I'd like for it to be or as others say it is when it comes to mommy-hood.

Case and point... Toddler tantrums. Eddie has been a bit of a bear this week. I know some of my older friends or acquaintances would say, "tan his hide," "break his will," or "show him who is boss." Othe friends and cquaintances would say things like, "let him be free," "encourage him to discover the natural consequences of things," or "it's just his way and you shouldn't do anything at all about the tantrums."

To all of those people, I say, "HOGWASH!!!"

I don't believe we are to break anyone's will. Period. If a person is to be broken, it should be at the hands of the Holy Spirit, not some parent on a power trip.

That said, I don't think a child should be allowed to break his parent's will either.

Children need discipline. They need love and they need to be encouraged to grow and develope naturally. That doesn't mean that the parent never interferes and it doesn't mean that the parent controls every aspect of the child's life. There's got to be some middle ground. This is one place where it's probably good to ride smack down the middle of the road. Just make sure you have a crash helmet on. ;)

I want Eddie to flourish in everything he does. Sometimes though, that means that I have to stop him from attempting to do things his way when his way could be dangerous or sinful. I'm sure he'd love to ride down the highway not strapped into his carseat, but tough noogies. Now, if he wants to wear green socks with an orange shirt and red shorts... well, we may just stay home that day, but I'm not going to fight him over it. Know what I mean.

I want Eddie to be himself. I can already see that he is strong-willed and determined, just like me and just like Ed. Heaven help me. I want to teach him how to use those traits to his advantage, I have no desire to stomp out those personality traits. God blessed him to be like this, my job, as his mother is to teach him how to remain true to himself without offending God.

So, pray for me. Pray for Eddie. Pray for Ed. We are all cruising down the middle of Tantrum Highway and our helmets are coming loose because of all the wind. We'd really like to make it to our destination, which is NOT "Surviving Toddlerhood Hill." No, our destination is much further away at "Raised a Godly Son Heavenly Retreat."

Sleeping Beauty

2007-02-04T13:37:00.000-05:00

Eddie looks like my own little Sleeping Beauty when he's dozing. Maybe that's cause he is just adorable or maybe I'm just grateful for the break and that makes him even more precious. :)

Anyway... My Sleeping Beauty is why we didn't make it to church today. First, his diapers are still not they way they should be, if you get my drift. Secondly, since he was sick last weekend, he's been a bit of a bear. Not the cuddly kind either. And thirdly, the bear was sleeping so soundly this morning that I did not dare wake him.

His attitude seems better today, even if his diapers are not. So, I hope that next Sunday I will be able to return to church with my son, not my little sleeping beauty bear.

Cheap Love

2007-02-04T13:35:00.000-05:00

So many times when people hear the word “cheap” they think of something that has little to no value. Sometimes that is truly the case. Sometimes it's just that the very valuable item didn't cost very much financially speaking.

I have to admit that it probably didn't cost much for Ed to win my love. I mean, he is a HOTTIE. That's not to say that *I* am cheap, just that I don't require lots of money to be spent on me. He likes it that way.

I thought that I'd join in Shalee's fun and share a few of the ways that Ed won my heart without breaking his bank. I'll even throw in a few cheap dates that we've had AFTER he stole my heart.

1. One of the easiest things in the world for a person to do is to cook a meal for someone else. Well, that's true unless you are my husband. He HATES being in the kitchen or even going to the grocery store. However, there have been a few times when he donned an apron and prepared some sort of meal for us. They weren't always the tastiest, bless his heart, but I ate them anyway because the sentiment was there.

See, I cook all the time, so it's not a sacrifice or much of a gift for me to cook for him. But when Ed gets up early to make flower-shaped pancakes for me for my birthday like he did 2 birthdays ago, my heart melts. And the only money he spent was the money for the pancake batter and the syrup.

2. I am an outdoors-y kinda gal. Ed is too so we lucked out there as well. I am a little more goofy than Ed though, so that can get interesting. Back in NC, one of my favorite places to visit was the Greensboro Arboretum. Absolutely beautiful. Ed and I would go there and walk and talk and hold hands amidst the flowering crepe myrtles. We'd sit on the benches and cuddle while we watched little kids and butterflies go by. Once in a while, I'd even convince Ed to chase me barefooted through the park. Ahhh... Those were the days.

It cost us absolutley nothing except the gas to get there, but those were the best times.

3. Since Eddie was born money has been fairly tight. Between the money being tight and us being natural tightwads, we've still managed to have a nice meal at Red Lobster without breaking the bank. The trick... share. We will find something on the menu that we both would enjoy and order that with an extra plate. Perfect. And nothing says love better than you offering your special someone those “extra” shrimp that you know you'd love to devour.

4. One of my favorite all time dates though is the picnic. Not just a regular old picnic though -- a picnic in the livingroom.

When we were still dating Ed showed up at my apartment and made me go to my roo until he told me I could come out. While I was sequestered he cleared the livingroom floor, put down a blanket, set some potted flowers and candles and readied the subs that he had picked up for us. Nice, quiet and cuddly. And no nosey people watching you either. All simply for the cost of the subs.

I did a variation on that after we were married. It was our first *married* Valentine's Day. I prepared his favorite meal while he was at work, put on a slinky dress (under my bathrobe) tied my hair up, lit candles and made strawberry shortcake for dessert. This only cost me the time to prepare it, since we would have had to eat that night anyway.

(A word of caution regarding the slinky dress idea: 1. make sure your unmarried brother-in-law lives far, far away or 2. make sure he knows it's Valentine's Day and that he is banned from visiting that day. Trust me on that one.)
So... those are my ideas. Nothing earth-shattering. Just fun and cheap.

'Cause I'm Cheap!

2007-02-03T10:48:00.000-05:00

Ed and I are CHEAP-O! I'm actually kind of proud of our frugality. It's really not a bad thing -- not when I can buy brand new, name brand skirts for $1.

Our frugality has infiltrated every aspect of our lives. We do not buy new cars EVER. We shop carefully for our groceries. We buy second-hand. We have even found a way to have cheap dates -- although that really and truly hasn't happened since Eddie was born.

And don't ya know, cheap dates are always the best. ;)

Anyway... Shalee is hosting 50 Cheap Dates; read about it at her blog. Then, post your ideas for a cheap date. Sounds like fun to me.

Being a Mom is Hard Work

2007-02-02T13:08:00.000-05:00

Seriously. Someone should write a book telling us all the answers.

Oh wait, about 124,557,672,342 books are already out on the subject and they all say something different. Wonderful. Just wonderful.

And asking friends for advice is crazy too because nobody parents the way you do. We all have our own little ideals and things we want to emphasize, so no two parents will look completely alike. I suspect that's a good thing.

My fear though is that we are essentially left to the wolves. We do our best and hope for hte best, but beyond that, there's not much we can do.

Scary, huh?

What's even worse for me is that I really struggle with caring too much about how others perceive me. I know that some people would probably say I am a horrible mom for letting Eddie sleep with me. Then others would say I am horrible for not letting him sleep with me. So I guess I'm wrong no matter what I do.

That's NOT a good place for me to be.

I promise, I am doing my best. I may not always be right, but I suppose in the end it will still work out okay (I hope).

On that note, I am going to go read some more about the reserved, intense, sensitive child and how I can survive having a son who is JUST LIKE ME. Heaven help me.

You Know You Are A Mom When...

2007-01-28T22:28:00.000-05:00

You catch your son's vomit in your bare hands and don't think twice about it.

I never understood that until this weekend. We've been sick. Eddie got it first. He spent the night in the hospital on Friday getting re-hydrated. Today, Ed and I both woke up sick.

It's not pretty around here.

So, my public service announcement is that if you have a child who is sick, please don't take them around other kids. On behalf of Eddie, I thank you.

Butterfly Lady

2007-01-25T13:03:00.000-05:00

I mentioned in my last post that my friend Charlene loves butterflies. They are kind of her symbol. If I ever see a butterfly I think of her. I'm pretty sure that a lot of people at my old church would say the same thing.

When I first realized that Charlene had a "symbol" I thought it was a bit weird. I just have always been plain old Bev. No frills. I've never collected anything. I don't really relate to any specific creature or item. There's nothing that I just absolutely love.

Then, I started to learn more about Charlene and about why she enjoys butterflies so much. For Charlene, butterflies are a symbol of transformation. They are a visual of 2 Cor. 5:17.

"Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come."

The more I think about that verse and where I am in life, the more I understand Charlene's fascination with the butterfly.

When I was saved a set of actions was set in place. So, I was saved. I am being saved. I will be saved. Or, to put it another way, I was transformed. I am being transformed. And Glory, Hallelujah! I will be transformed on that great and glorious day.

I think with transformation sometimes comes reformation. Surely some parts of that old caterpillar are used once the transformation process begins, they are just maybe reformed into a pretty spot on a wing.

I've seen that in my life. Prior to my transformation I was a hard and unpleasant, like a thorny bush with no blooms. There was not much to enjoy. I had a lot of anger and bitterness. I had a lot of hurt that I'd not let Christ heal. I had a lot of selfish desires that served as my motivation.

Upon my transformation (or salvation if transformation is to wishy-washy of a word for you), there was some immediate healing. There was a great deal of forgiveness. There was a renewal of my mind (Romans 12:1-2) so that my selfish desires are more of a burden to me now than before.

I wouldn't be so dumb as to say I no longer have troubles in any of these areas, but you see, I am being transformed and reformed. Many of those hurts have already been reformed into experiences that I can use to help others through various situations. Most of the anger and bitterness has been reformed into a soft spot for those who are struggling in these areas. The selfish desires... well, perhaps those are the thorns on this rose. Ya know... Every rose has it's thorns. (You know you wanna sing that now).

And it's not just struggles like those that are being reformed. My thought processes are reformed also. Ya know... like Romans 12:1-2 says. I am constantly thinking and processing and reforming my thoughts on Christianity in general. Now, That's not to say that my theology is changing. It's not. I am pretty grounded in what I believe. BUT, the manner in which those beliefs are carried out and shared is constantly changing. And I don't think that's a bad thing.

Sometimes it's good to adapt the means of communication to fit the listener. You can do that without watering down the truth. Afterall, if I truly believe that Scripture is sufficient and SUPERIOR to anything man could say and if I am sharing Scripture and trusting the Holy Spirit to do His job, then what do I have to worry about. I mean, I am NOT the one doing the salvation. I am merely the messenger.

The transformation/reformation process is hard though. Sometimes it's hard to let go of pet sins or to see another equally valid point of view when we are used to looking at things from a particular angle. It's a struggle. But this process was never said to be easy.

I do know this. I look forward to the day when I am complete in Christ, and when, as my header says, my image reflects his glory more fully. Perhaps then I will be worthy to utilize a symbol such as a butterfly. Right now, I am stil a big hairy worm.

Thoughts of A Crazy Mom

2007-01-23T22:51:00.000-05:00

I am home alone a lot. Actually, I am not usually alone, but I can't carry on much of a conversation with my 17-month old son. Don't get me wrong, he's great. It's just that repeating "doggie" 578,934 times in a row because he points to the dog kinda gets a little old. Know what I mean?

Anywho... I always have random or not-so-random trains of thought running 20 miles an hour through my brain. Ocassionally, one of these trains of thought will be something that I want to blog about. Of course, by the time I am able to actually sit down at the computer and work on a blog post, I've forgotten everything I wanted to write.

So, for right now, I'll just share some of my random thoguhts from today. Perhaps tomorrow this list will serve as a spring board for my post then.

1. Really, Christians shouldn't fight amongst each other. It makes us all look bad. Sure, discuss theological differences and differences among worship and outreach style. Just be nice about it. There is no need to be mean and call names. And, that's not really Christ-like, now is it?

2. I am a tee-totaller, but not really for religious reasons. I have many family members who have given their lives over to alcohol and whose lives have been destroyed as a result. I don't believe I would "catch" the alcoholism if I took a drank (if that were the case, I'd already be an alcoholic), I just do not want to be a stumbling block to those iin my family who have already fallen and who are trying to pick themselves back up. Besides, I am not good when I've had a bit to drink.

3. I have a play-date tomorrow morning. I am excited. Eddie and I have not ever been able to attend a play-date. Should be fun.

4. Kind of a spin-off from #3. So far, it's been my observation that people in military towns are far more accepting of people who are "not from 'round here." When Ed was at an Air Force Base in Mississippi for 6 months, the church we attended was AMAZING. I'll never forget the time I drove down to see Ed and one of the girls from the Sunday School class called to make sure I made it in alright and to invite me to a lunch the next day. Here in Sumter, the attitude seems to be very similar. They love on the people as much as they can while they are here and that's that.

5. I do miss my church back home. Especially a select few people. One of my dearest friends is Charlene. Charlene LOVES butterflies. Why? Because of the metamorphosis that they go through before they become such beautiful creatures. I've been thinking about the transformations and reformations that I've had. Nope... not a beautiful creature yet. One day though, one day.

6. I need to set aside a block of time to finish redecorating this blog. I am unhappy with the appearance and I need to fix it. Fast.

So those are my crazy random thoughts from today. Well, the ones that I actually remember. Maybe later I will be able to write more on those things.

OOOOHHHHH I Wanna Go!

2007-01-17T23:19:00.000-05:00

This conference is being held at my alma mater and I would give my left leg to go. Seriously.

Paul Tripp is one of my favorite writers. A few of my old profs are leading breakout sessions. AND, it would be a great opportunity to just soak up more information.

Unfortunately, the liklihood of Ed not having to work those days AND me being able to leave Eddie for two days is pretty slim.

Ya know, had I not become a mom I think I would have been a perpetual student. I am such a nerd that school and learning will ALWAYS appeal to me.

I did, at one time, say that if I ever thought about going back to school I wanted someone to shoot me. But that was right after three years of working on my master's degree. Really though, I would jump at the chance to take a single course or to get a whole 'nother degree.

I wouldn't mind studying literature, music, law, psychology and counseling (of course), photography, web design, teaching, and sociology. Notice that there are no "real" sciences or math at all. HA! That's because they really are not my gig at all.

Anyway... I REALLY REALLY wanna go to the conference posted above. But, since I can't go, I thought I'd let you all know about it and maybe you can go.

Finally, Winter Arrives

2007-01-17T22:36:00.000-05:00

It's been rather warm here in SC. I was beginning to wonder if I should have left my winter clothes in storage back in NC. But, it looks like I amy actually get to use them for a day or two.

Today was pretty chilly out and tomorrow they are actually calling for freezing rain and sleet. YIPPEE!!! It's finally winter.

Now, to be honest, I would prefer snow to freezing rain, but either way I don't plan on leaving the house tomorrow.

I've already made a pot of chili and I have a batch of cookie dough ready to bake, so bring it on, Old Man Winter.

Remodeling

2007-01-14T23:23:00.000-05:00

So, it's way past time for a remodel around here. Please pardon the dust. Hopefully I'll be able to decide what I want in here quickly and easily and without too much of a headache.

Email to Mom

2007-01-14T22:44:00.000-05:00

If you've read my blog for any length of time, then you know that up unti la few weeks ago, I did not know if my mom was dead or alive. I've spent a lot of time over the past few weeks trying to decide how to respond. This is what I came up with.

Hi Mom.

I don't even know how to respond to your email or to your Christmas card.

Thank you for the money order. We spent it on stuff for Eddie. You absolutely did not need to send us any money. Thank you for thinking of us.

See, I have been worried sick about you for the last ten months. I've searched for you every way that I know how. As far as I knew, you were either homeless or dead. You never contacted me or the boys. You let us worry. You didn't respond to any of my emails. You never gave me a number or an address. That's not fair.

I am sooooo glad you are okay, but I am hurt. Hurt because you did not care enough about your children to let us know you were okay. I know you are going to say you are sorry and all that. Prove it to me. Don't disappear on us again. Keep in touch. Ask about your grandson from time to time. Prove it to the boys. Call Robbie -- he is still living at dad's.

Maybe it's wrong for me to ask you to prove that you care about us. I'm sorry if it is. I'm not saying that to be mean. I want you to know that I do care about you and I love you.

Because of Ed's work, we've moved to SC. Our new address is:
*****************
******************

Sorry if this email upset you. That's not at all what I want to do.

I'll drop your birthday and Christmas cards from last year in the mail sometime this week.

Love,
Bev, Ed & Eddie.

There was so much more that I wanted to write. Not much of what I left out was gracious -- that's why I didn't put it in there.

Of all the things a girl could ever have, I would think a good relationship with her mom would be probably THE most prized possession. What I wouldn't give to have that.

I don't though. There's bound ot be some reason that I have the parents that I have. Only God knows that. If anything though, as bad as this sounds, watching my parents has made me overly critical of how I parent my son.

My husband and my son are my pride and joy.

I've always heard people talk about how much they love their mom or their dad and how much they enjoyed being around them. I never understood that. At all. not that I didn't or don't love my parents. I do. It's always just been different.

Mother's Day has always been hard. How do you buy a card that tells someone how much you appreciate all the wonderful things they've done for you when that's not a reality for you?

Now, I "get" it though. Because of my husband and my son, I understand that stuff that others have talked about regarding their parents. Just looking at Eddie is enough to make me smile for months. How could it not? He's so stinkin' cute.

Who knew you could love someone -- let alone TWO someones -- sooooo much?

New Day Dawning

2007-01-11T12:58:00.000-05:00

Confession time: since Eddie was born I've been struggling with loneliness -- REALLY, REALLY badly.

In Florida, we knew no one and the doctors told us to keep Eddie away from other people so that he didn't get sick. So, that's what we did. Then, once we moved back to NC, things just didn't click with my old friends and when I tried to make new friends, it just did not happen.

I'm fairly shy by nature, but I crave social interaction. See, God does have a sense of humor. I bet he chuckles everytime I turn beet red (which happens a LOT!). That's okay though.

Anyway, there's no reason for me to not be social here -- unless people just don't like me. That's very possible.

So today, Eddie and I ventured out to MOPS. I actually had fun and met a few people.

Eddie wasn't all that thrilled about going into the nursery, but he did okay. They were sweet to him and cuddled with him. He tends to be a bit shy like me.

For now, we are working on being more social; both of us. Maybe it will work.

Blah...

2007-01-09T21:37:00.000-05:00

I'd continue my thoughts on the church, but I'm feeling a bit too "blah" to do that today. Instead, I'll share some about our first Christmas in Sumter.

We were very very blessed this Christmas. I mean that spiritually and otherwise. We had the opportunity to visit with family and to spend time with just the three of us.

When Ed and I got married we sort of started a Christmas tradition. We get up late, unless there's church. We have a leisurely breakfast while still in our jammies. Then we open presents. So far it's probably not that different from what goes on at your house. Here's where it takes a turn though. We never get out of our jammies -- ALL DAY LONG. We do brush our teeth and wash our faces, but that's about the extent of our grooming. Then, the kicker. We do NOT do the traditional Christmas dinner. No ham, mashed potatoes or pie. Nope, we eat off of a veggie tray that was made the night before. We snack all day long on deviled eggs, pepperoni, Hickory Farms sausage, a variety of cheeses, apple slices, carrot sticks, chips and salsa, cucumbers and so on. It's quite liberating.

I usually buy the fixins for a *traditional* dinner sometime shortly after Christmas and we eat that sometime between Christmas and New Year's.

Some people may think this is *wrong* or whatever, but it's what we do on Christmas. I like it.

This year, we flew to Thomasville, NC on Christmas Eve for breakfast at my uncle's house. That was a blast! We enjoyed biscuits and gravy, country ham, grits, scrambled eggs and fresh OJ. Then Eddie got spoiled. My goodness. We were actually concerned about being able to fit everything into the tiny plane for the trip back to Sumter. It was good to see everyone though.

Christmas seemed to continue for about 2 days after Christmas because of all the packages that came late. That was kinda fun.

All in all, it was a good time. Watching Eddie figure out that the toys were for him was amazing. Watching Ed share in Eddie's delight was even better. Now I can't wait until next Christmas.

My Heart's Desire

2007-01-06T22:31:00.000-05:00

Lindsey posted a link to this blog entry today. It kind of touches on what's been going on in my heart lately.

Let me begin by saying that I am Baptist because Baptists tend to line up (in my opinion) better with what Scripture teaches. I cannot be Catholic or Methodist or Lutheran or Pentecostal because of a variety of doctrinal differences.

I do not think it is wrong to say that you believe the doctrines you adhere to are right. Neither do I think it is wrong to hold friendly discussions on doctrines that can be debated. Some doctrines are FAR more important than others and it is a good thing to stand up for those doctrines and to not "give" in those areas.

That said, I am not naive enough to think that only Baptists are "saved" or that only Baptists love God or that Baptists are *always* theologically right.

I've never had a preference towards either traditional or contemporary church services. As long as people can sing "Victory in Jesus" with a little hope in their hearts and maybe a smile, I am happy. I think God can be worshipped TRULY in both types of services. I will say that irreverence does bother me. Again, that can be found in both types of services.

I don't care too much if the church members dress up or wear jeans. I think God says that we can come as we are. I am sure the woman at the well probably wasn't dressed appropriately. I think if we are Christians we will give our best to God. Period. If that's jeans and a nice shirt, then fine.

I guess what I am saying is that it's about the heart people. I think if a church's motives are numbers (money or people) there is a problem. If a church, however, is seeking to glorify God in all that it does, then He will be glorified.

I've been thinking about the church in Acts a lot lately. I think the new testament church is going to be my next study. I am willing to bet that the NT church was a far cry from anything we call church today.

Again, I'm not so naive as to think the NT church was without problems. I tend to think -- maybe hope -- that they were perhaps better at not majoring on the minor things of life. Know what I mean?

If they saw a need, they met it. I haven't read any rules about worship styles or attire. And they preached the Word of God and many were saved.

In recent years I've had the "pleasure" of visiting a variety of churches. I can honestly say that I've not ever been more discouraged about the state of the church universal as I am today. I had no idea the amount of infighting and bitterness that existed. And I've ONLY visited southern Baptist churches. Don't believe me? Take a look around the blogosphere.

I know no one church will be perfect. I know churches are made up of sinners saved by grace. But my heart's desire is to see the NT church as it was in Acts. Or better yet, as it was meant to be. Worshipping. Preaching. Teaching. Serving. Glorifying God. Somehow I have a feeling I won't see that until I get to the other side.

Reflection

2007-01-02T12:54:00.000-05:00

There is much I would like to write about today; Christmas, Eddie, Ed, Sumter, etc... Instead, I will share my reflections on one specific event of the past year.

If you have ever had any sort of semi-serious injury (think broken bone, minor surgery, etc...) then you know that while the injury may heal, there is often a scar or long-term damage that can remain. Sometimes you can't see the scar or the damage, but when the rain comes, that bone aches like it was broken all over again. The bone is healed, but the pain still exists.

And Heaven forbid you are injured anywhere near the old injury. It just seems to make the pain all that much worse.

I suspect that for most the same is true of emotional wounds. They do heal and forgiveness may be very real, but sometimes the pain just never goes away. At least I know that has been the case with me.

I have forgiven my mom for past wrongs. They still hurt from time to time, but truly I do not harbor any ill feelings about those things. But, like any old injury, if a new injury is added the pain is worse because of the pain from the old injuries.

I still have not responded to the Christmas card my mom sent. I don't know how to. The card was kind of random. There was no explanation or anything like that. It was just there; like nothing had ever happened. Like she had never "disappeared."

My mom also emailed me. I got that email last week. The email was hard to read. It was not as vague as the card. She was admitting she willingly abandoned me and my brothers and that the only reason she was emailing me was because she was in a car accident and realized how much we mean to her. She still has not contacted my brothers though.

Here's my problem. I do not believe ANYONE is ever a lost cause. I cannot believe that. There is always hope. It is absolutely not in my nature to think that way. BUT, I also don't like getting burned. I have a very strong sense of right and wrong and justice. If you do something wrong, then you face the consequences. Period. (Told ya I had no grace). I do what I need to to protect myself while still allowing myself to hope that the other person will do the right thing.

I don't know how to do that with my mom. She has WILLFULLY abandoned her own children repeatedly. While we were adults. That's like saying, "You aren't good enough for me. I don't want you. I don't like who you became." Personally, and I mean no offense to those who were adopted out, I think I would prefer to have been adopted out as a child.

She's my mom. I am supposed to love her. She's not some random stranger that I can just write off. How do I show her grace though? How do I balance grace with justice? I know it's not really my place to do those things. I am commanded to forgive and to love. Period.

To do that requires that I die to myself. Something else I am not good at.

Funny how some of the most horrible things that others do to you can point out your own shortcomings and can help you grow.

Merry Christmas From South Carolina

2006-12-23T11:27:00.000-05:00

So we've been here almost a month now and this is my first post. That's because we still don't have internet at home. I am posting from the library.

Lots has happened. Let's see.

Well, obviously we moved. We've been getting settled in and all that jazz. There's not much here -- I'll write more on that later.

Ed's been working so that means we have income now. That's a GOOOOOOOODDDDD thing; especially right at Christmas.

Oh yeah... I heard from my mom. Today. Right before I came to the library.

I checked the mail and there it was. A Christmas card envelope with my mom's writing on it and her name in the return address slot. I opened it up immediately and found $100 inside.

Hooooray! Right?

Well, let's see. I had not heard from mom since Feb. The last I heard she didn't know where she was going and had said things were pretty bad. That's like 10 months or so of NO CONTACT.

That's 10 months of me not knowing if she was dead or alive.

10 months of me not knowing if she needed something or if she had enough to eat or if she had a roof over her head.

Gee, thanks for the money mom, but I'd much rather have the last 10 months worry back -- this time worry-free.

I know, I know. I should be like the father to the prodigal son, but I don't know if I have that much grace in my heart. I am sooooooo incredibly glad that i know where she is and that she is obviously doing alright, but I am soooooooo incredibly furious right now that I can't see straight.

I pray that I drop dead -- immediately -- if I ever come close to doing anything like this to my son.

And the $$$. Boy, that's just like her. Money always fixes everything. Well I have news for her. It doesn't. Money is not like Mr. Clean's Magic Eraser. In fact, for me, money is kind of like throwing the stained garment in the dryer and setting the stain permanently.

So, pray for me. Pray that I respond in a godly manner. That I show her grace.

Grace is really not my forte.

Here's the latest.

2006-11-28T23:27:00.000-05:00

We are moving Saturday! This means I am packing up the house ALL by myself. Well, actually, that's not true. Eddie is here and helping. He helps by taking stuff OUT of the boxes before I tape them shut.

Yeah, we are having LOADS of fun here.

AND... I have to vent. Can anyone tell me the EASIEST way to log onto this beta blogger thingy? Seriously. It's driving me MAD! I have to log in like 4 times!!!!!!

You have about a week and a half to post the easy way to log in. I won't be back online until sometime after the end of next week.

Crafty, Me? Nah... Just Cheap.

2006-11-25T22:19:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I actually ventured out -- at like 4 PM. I had to run to Hobby Lobby for a wax thermometer.

I'm cheap and I like to attempt to make cool presents. So this year I decided that the adult women will be getting candles. The men will be getting cookies and other homemade treats. The kids will, for the most part, be getting a variety of mostly non-homemade treats -- but only stuff that I got a REALLY good deal on.

Anyway... While I was wandering around Hobby Lobby I noticed these CUTE painted canvases. They were very girlie and had a script-y type initial painted on them. They were too high-priced for me though. I figured they can't be too hard to make so I marched myself back to the pinting area and picked up a pack of 3 canvases for $3 and some change. Then I noticed the canvases were 30% off. Perfect. I picked up some more paint (I already had gobs at home) and I was on my way.

I started working on the canvases last night. Today I went out and bought some ribbon to hang the canvases with and then I completed the first "initial" canvas for my neice Megan. I'm no artist, but I think this turned out decent. It's not anything super amazing or anything like that, but it's cute. AND, the ones in the store didn't have the pretty ribbon. So... I say this works for me. The girls under 10 in my family will be getting these.

Haunted Holidays

2006-11-24T10:26:00.000-05:00

I'm not talking abot Halloween today. I'm talkng about the traditionally festive and joyous holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas. For many of us the typically festive holidays are also haunted.

For us, the joy and excitement that we feel while watching our child stare at the lights on the Christmas tree or while enjoying the warmth that comes from having good friends and families gathered around is often accompanied by a swift, strong undercurrent of deep sadness. This sadness has the ability to carry us away and to steal any happiness we may feel during this time of the year. Indeed, for some, this undercurrent is strong enough to steal our very life.

We are haunted. Some are haunted by things that we said or did to someone; horrible, mean things. Some are haunted by tragic sins that were committed against them; things like rape and abuse and adultery. Some are haunted by the loss of a loved one or by a broken relationship. Some are haunted by one thing and others are tormented by many.

Personally, I've had a lot of things happen that I could be haunted by. The molestation doesn't haunt me though. It hurts at times, but it doesn't haunt me. The abuse I suffered at the hands of a boyfriend doesn't haunt me. It makes me angry sometimes though. Those things were horrible and I recognize that, but I am bullheaded enough and have been blessed with an abundant amount of grace so that those things haunt me no more.

There are two things that haunt me though.

Every holiday I think about my family. I htink about how a family should be and how mine is not like that. I think about how I would absolutely LOVE to have a relationship with either of my parents that would make me want to call them FIRST when something wonderful or tragic happens. I would LOVE ot be able to say I am a daddy's girl or that my mom and I are so close that we are like sisters. I'd give anything to have my brothers and their families nearby so my son could know his uncles and cousins. And I'd give ANYTHING to know my mom was safe and alive.

These are the things that haunt me. Every Thanksgiving and Christmas and Mother's Day adn Father's Day.

I have no bullheadedness to contribute to overcoming these things. I can only rely on God's grace. That's a good thing, but it's also a very hard thing. See, I am one of those people who has to FIX everything. I can't fix these things. I have to accept them. I HAVE no choice but to entrust my family (and their salvation) to God. This is near impossible for me to do.

Imagine telling Emeril that he could no longer cook and that he had to eat Kentucky Fried Chicken everyday.

Or telling Jeff Gordon that he could no longer race, but that he had to drive an old, beat up, rusted out Pinto.

That's what it's like for me to not be able to fix my family. That's what it's like for me to not know where my mom is and to not be able to track her down. That's what it's like to watch my dad smoke himself into a grave. That's why the festive holidays are also haunted holidays for me.

I look forward to the days when no day is haunted and every sadness is overshadowed by the Glory of our Lord. What a day, glorious day that will be.

Thankful

2006-11-22T14:38:00.000-05:00

So after my last whiney post I decided I should post what I am thankful for, ya know, bing that tomorrow is Thanksgiving and all that jazz.

1. God's grace. Truly, I shudder to think about where I would be without God's grace. And He bestowed His grace upon me because of who He is, not because of anything I did to receive that. How could I not be thankful? How could I not stand in awe? How could I not worship Him?

2. My husband. Ed is absolutely amazing. I have no idea how he stands to live with me. If I were him, I would have run away screaming years ago. But, Ed is a man of his word and he promised to love me until death do us part. I believe him. Now granted, having to put up with me day in and day out may drive him to an early grave, but still...

3. My son. The thought of him just brings a smile to my face. He's THE cutest little boy around. (I hope that's not too horrible to think.) He laughs and talks and is about to walk and is doing all the things that boys his age should be doing. He's even doing some things he shouldn't be doing. While I absolutely hated the morning sickness and then the bedrest and pre-term labor medications, I would absolutely do it all over again for Eddie.

4. Provision. We have been provided for so many times when we thought we were at the end of the line. We've never *had* to worry about the food we eat or the clothes we wear or the place we live. That doesn't mean we haven't worried; we did because we lacked faith. BUT, God was faithful and like He cares for the birds and for the lilies, He has cared for us -- even moreso.

Those are the biggies for me. What are you thankful for this season?

Grrr!!!

2006-11-22T14:33:00.000-05:00

Just gonna vent about a few things.

1. Last night the Weather Channel said it was going o get up to a balmy 52 degrees today. They lied. It's only 43 right now -- at 2:30 PM. The wind chill is 35. It's sooooo windy that when I went to Cook Out (a local YUMMilicious fast food joint) the wind almost blew my bag of food right outta my hand. I am so not kidding.

2. Blogger Beta. I switched because I always had gobs of messages telling me how much better it would be if I switched. They lied too. I have to log in fifteen times each time I come here. Can I go back?

3. Because of the weather I don't think Ed will be able to make it home tonight.I hope I am wrong.

Brrrrr

2006-11-21T22:38:00.000-05:00

I am FAR-EEEEEEEZZZZING! It's been cloudy all day and raining since about 3 PM. The Weather Channel says that it's only supposed to get down to 40 tonight. I think they are crazy. It's already about -2 outside.

AND we are under a flood watch and a high wind advisory.

I WAS excited about the weather because according to the old wives tales, we were supposed to be getting WINTER weatehr -- as in snow. DH, the Air Force meteorologist told me we wouldn't get snow, but I chose to ignore him. Surely the lady in Big Lots who told me about the birds she saw flocking towards the South knows more about weather than a meteorologist, right?

I am totally not one for cold weather. I grew up in FL. I feel comfortable when it's 85 degrees out with about 80% humidity. It's better for my sinuses and it's just so relaxing.

Snow's okay, as long as it doesn't last too long. And any cold weather after Jan. 1 is just wrong.

I actually hate Valentine's Day, but I look forward to it because it signals the coming spring.

So, given all that, I am officially in winter survival mode. I'll be pleasant until Jan. 2, then I get grumpy. My eating will increase greatly, not because of the holidays, but because eating keeps me warm. I will not be going outside unless I am walking to or from the already-warmed-up car. I will be fully armed with tissues and lotion and chapstick at all times due to the dry air. And, I will begin sacrificing fashion for the sake of being warm.

Happy Winter. :)

Prematurity Awareness Day

2006-11-14T10:08:00.000-05:00

Hey there!

I thought I'd share with you that Nov. 14, 2006 (that's tomorrow, or maybe today, depending upon when you are reading this) is National Prematurity Awareness Day. I thought I'd share with you some statistics and some specific ways that you can be in prayer today and in the future.

One out of every 8 babies was born prematurely in 2004. If you think about all the babies born at Reavis and how many (by my count at least 3) have been born too soon, it kind of puts these numbers into perspective.**

The rates of preterm delivery continue to climb in spite of new medical technology. Prematurity does not discriminate. You can be among the healthiest of women and still deliver prematurely.

The thing is that no one talks about prematurity. Expectant parents don't think about it -- and who can blame them? If you've never had a preemie or known anyone who had a preemie, then there is no reason it would cross your mind. BUT, I believe knowledge is power (yeah I stole that line from Schoolhouse Rock). That's why I am sharing this with you.

There are certain risk factors that contribute to preterm labor. Among these factors are things like smoking, increased stress levels, obesity, and lack of social support. There are also numerous signs of preterm labor. You can read about those on the March of Dimes Website at www.marchofdimes.com.

Perhaps if an expectant mom that you know is made aware of the risk factors and signs of preterm labor, her labor can be stopped and she will be able to carry to term. So, pass this information along to your pregnant friends.

Now, as to how you can help. Of course, you can donate money to the March of Dimes. That's a wonderful thing to do as they fund a great deal of research towards preventing not only prematurity, but stillbirth and birth defects.

You can also lend a hand to moms who are on bedrest. Bedrest just stinks. Your house is never clean enough, you have to eat your husband's cooking and your are home alone most of the time with nothing to do but worry. If you know a mom on bedrest, just stop by and visit or give her a call to let her know you are thinking of her. Those little things will help get her through the bedrest.

BUT, the most important thing you can do is pray. One thing I learned with Eddie is that God's timing is perfect. It may seem quite whacked out to us and we may not always understand it, but God is God and we are not.

You can pray specifically for:

The moms on bedrest and who deliver preemies: Pray for moms to have peace about God's timing. God knit each one of us together before we were even a thought in our mother's mind. That's no different for preemies. Knowing that gave me such peace when I was in the hospital. Pray that they would have strength to endure the bedrest and the ability to be joyful after the birth of their child -- even if they have a preemie. Pray that the mothers would have the wisdom to know how to handle their preemie and what their child needs.

The preemies: They are such fighters -- Eddie is proof of that -- but they are still quite fragile. The health problems that preemies are at risk for can range from blindness to anemia to apnea of prematurity. Some of these health risks can be deadly. Additionally, after the preemies come home from the hospital they are at a higher risk for catching illnesses that present as the comon cold in adults and older children, but that can be deadly for preemies. Preemies are also at risk for developmental and learning delays. Pray for a hedge of protection around them.

The doctors: Pray for them to have the wisdom and knowledge as to how to treat the mothers when attempting to stop preterm labor. Pray for the NICU doctors to be gentle with the parents and also for wisdom. And pray for the NICU nurses. These nurses are truly a special breed. They see a lot of suffering among the most "innocent" people and they continue to do their jobs with a smile on their faces. They also are used to minister to the parents; whether or not they intend to. Pray that they would have strength to continue with what I would say has got to be the most difficult job on the planet.

I think I've made you plenty aware now. Sorry for the novel. I do hope that you will keep this information in mind and that it will be beneficial to you or to someone you know.

**Reavis is my home church -- this was an email I sent out to the ladies there.

A Little Background

2006-11-12T23:26:00.000-05:00

Thought I'd share a little about how I landed in Seminary; more than just God called me to go, so I went.

Growing up I wanted to be an astronaut and then a veterinarian. The only problem with those careers was that they required the ability to think with a scientific mind. That part of my brain was left out. I do not understand physics or mechanics or chemistry. I could probably pass a course in those subjects, but not wihtout lots and lots of tears.

Don't believe me, just ask Ed. He's VERY intelligent in those areas and he's tried explaining simple concepts to me dealing with aerodynamics and I ended up in tears. That stuff just makes NO sense to me.

Sometime during middle school or early high school, I figured that out. I also had discovered two other passions; music (I played the trombone) and writing. By the end of my stint in high school I had determined I would obtain a college degree in music education and then I would end up in the mountains of NC working a sa songwriter.

I was going to start out as a high school band teacher. The problem was that I had neither the discipline or the talent to make a living as any sort of musician. So, I switched my major to English education. I wanted to teach high school language arts. I love reading and diagraming sentences. Yes, I know the latter officially qualifies me as a geek, but I'm okay with that.

About the middle of my second year of college I had a scary thought. I would be only 20 years old when I graduated from college. If I taught high school, my students would be just a few years younger than I was. So, I changed majors again. This time I changed my major to Mass Communications with an Emphasis in Print Journalism. That's the degree I graduated with.

Yes, I know my writing on here is rarely grammatically correct, but this is a blog -- not anything that anyone actually reads for grammatical correctness.

My goal then was to become a copy editor. There is just something exciting about taking a written piece of work and tweaking it until it is absolutely perfect. I knew that I would also be required to have knowledge of page layout and design so I took a course or two in that.

As graduation approached I found myself absolutely terrified that I would have no job and no way to pay off all $4500 of my student loans. I ended up taking the first job I was offered.

You know Val-Pak, the blue envelopes you get in the mail with all the coupons? I worked for them designing ads on second shift. I learned a great deal while there, but it was in FL and I just had to leave there.

I ended up in NC working for a company that publishes in-flight magazines for several airlines. I was the promotions coordinator. I learned all about the printing process and more about the graphic design programs I had been using. My boss was absolutely wonderful. The company was a strong company. I was paid well and I had good benefits. I was on my way to an art director position for one of the smaller publications. All in all, it wsa a wonderful experience.

It wasn't "it" though. Who cares if ads get printed in magazines? Really, how does that impact eternity? It may somehow, for some people, but in my estimation, it didn't and I simply could not live working a job that meant nothing in eternity.

I started looking at my options. During my senior year of college I had taken the LSAT and I had done well. I was going to study communications law, but couldn't afford to even apply to law school. I started looking at law again. This time though, I thought about child advocacy law. That's certainly a worthwhile profession and it's something I would have loved to do. The only school in the area with a program in that specific area was Duke.

Now, I am certainly no Duke fan, but if they weren't so pricey, I might have considered attending there. So now I had to look at some other career. I decided to look into social work. I have always had a heart for the poor; specifically for educating them so that they could improve their situations.

In social work though, you have to deal with a lot of pretty horrible stuff and I would venture to guess that as a government employee, I probably would not have been able to share the Gospel. So, scratched that idea.

Next idea lead me right back where I started; education. Problem: teaching in public schools would tie my hands too much. I know there are some wonderful, Godly teachers out there, but I'm not one to keep my mouth shut when I see things being done that are wrong. I probably would have been fired within a month.

I kept praying and praying and praying. Through a series of "coincidences" *wink, wink* and prayer and soul-searching I felt the call of God on my heart. Ministry was to be my career.

That call landed me at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary studying for a master's degree in counseling.

I'll expand on my thoughts on counseling and things I learned in a later post.

Remember The OJ Simpson Chase?

2006-11-12T23:11:00.000-05:00

Friday Ed asked me and Eddie to come to SC to visit him. Of course, I was happy to do so, especially considering that Eddie had done so well on my last trip to Charlotte.

I quickly learned though that the trip to Charlotte was a fluke. Eddie was madder than a firecracker and twice as hot. Boy, he did NOT want to be in that carseat and he was gonna make sure all of I-85 knew it.

Finally, the boy fell asleep. Praise God. I am sure I would have crashed had I had to drive through Charlotte listening to him scream.

After he fell asleep, my mind wandered. I thought to myself, "Ya know, if for some reason a cop decides he wants to pull me over, I'm not sure I will stop." This thought immediately brought back visions of OJ's famous Ford Bronco Chase. At that point I would have MUCH rather dealt with 178 police cars chasing me down the interstate than to risk waking Eddie up.

Right about the time I had that thought I heard something. Police sirens. I looked and the police car was flying up behind me with his lights just a flashin'. I had three thoughts.

1. I didn't do anything.
2. Get over in the next lane.
3. If this cop wakes up my boy, he's gonna have ME to deal with and that won't be pretty.

Eddie stayed asleep for a few minutes longer. Longer for me to make my way down I-77 and into Rock Hill, SC. I only almost got in an accident once. That's hard to believe considering that Charlotte has about the worst traffic i have EVER seen in my life and that they apparently have NO requirements for getting a driver's license in SC.

I'm not sure I will like driving in SC. I think when you get your tags there they install a lead brick on your gas pedal and they break your turn signals.

At any rate, we made it down there and back safely. Eddie enjoyed his time with daddy and I got a bunch of really cool used books for just a few bucks. What more could a girl ask for?

What's That Kid Worth?

2006-11-09T23:02:00.000-05:00

Ed got his orders yesterday and today he was in SC. I'll spare you the ridiculous details of his current housing. Just know that the amount of beaurocratic red tape and just flat out dumb rules never cease to amaze me.

I will share one of these idiotic rules though because it's so dumb it's hilarious. Ed's in on-base housing right now. Basically it's a dorm room with a private bathroom. If he wants his family to live there (yeah, a family is gonna live in one room and do dishes in the bathroom sink) he can pay $75 for a pet deposit AND, this is the kicker, a $75 kid deposit.

Nope, not joking. How wild is that? thank God the privately-owned world does not require kid deposits.

A Day For The History Books

2006-11-08T22:00:00.000-05:00

Or at least for the baby book.

My dear, sweet little boy was just full of surprises today. He's kind of left me wondering if that whack on the head maybe did some damage. LOL!

Poor thing, yesterday he was all snotty and yucky. Then while I was looking up the correct Dimetapp dosage for him the stinkin' coffee table jumped up and bit him right under his eye! Can you believe that? Our coffee table has always been well behaved. ;) So then the boy had a snotty nose and a HUGE, I mean HUGE welt and a nasty shiner under his eye. He was truly pathetic.

I gave him the Dimetapp and he drifted off. Of course, we had several nightwakings. I don't think those will EVER end. But the history making started way early. Too early, if you ask me.

My son, who happens to love his sleep (just like his daddy) and who very rarely wakes up before 9 AM (yes I know I am blessed -- I prayed for him to not be a morning person) decided to wake up at 6:50 AM!!! WHAT???!!! Up until today, I thought Eddie was unaffected by Daylight Savings Time. Reckon I was wrong.

We had planned to drive to Charlotte today to see Ed and to get our active duty military ID cards. I was really dreading taking my son (who did not sleep as long as normal and who had a snotty nose and a shiner and who absolutely DESPISES his carseat) all the way down to Charlotte. That's a good hour and a half drive -- if traffic isn't wonky. But it's Charlotte and the traffic is ALWAYS wonky.

Against my better judgement, I loaded the boy up and off we went. Do you know, the boy did not even fuss. AT ALL. I'm not joking. This is the same boy (I think) who gets mad when we get in the car to go to the grocery store that is 5 minutes away.

AND -- There was no traffic! Well, there was some, but this was NOT normal I-85 traffic. There were no accidents and no crazy drivers and no delays.

So all that was well and good and it made me very happy, but the true test would be seeing Eddie around Ed's co-workers and then, the dreaded drive home.

Uhhh... Eddie let Ed's superior (a woman who is about 38ish) hold him and walk with him and play with him. FOR AN HOUR!!!! Eddie does NOT like strangers. AT ALL. He is usually stuck right on my hip when new people are around.

So by this point, I am already shocked and awed by my little boy. I could tell he was getting tired and I knew traffic was gonna be hairy. I loaded the boy up and we set off, bound for home.

My little sweetheart is not one who just falls asleep. He is one of those kids that won't just cry it out for five minutes, then roll over and go to sleep. He will scream it out for 6 hours, then when you finally pick him up he falls asleep as soon as he hits your arms. And half the time, he even fights sleeping in your arms. I am so not kidding. That's why I have bags under my eyes.

Anyway. He was a little fussy when we first left. I knew he was tired and I figured I'd have to pull over somewhere to nurse him and let him nap. I thought I'd at least get as far away from Charlotte as possible though before I pulled over.

I got on 85 and started clicking along and I looked in the mirror only to see my boy's eyes drifting downward. NO WAY!!! The boy went to sleep without screaming, without nursing, without being held and IN HIS CARSEAT THAT HE HATES!!!!

I almost had to pull over because I thought I was going to pass out from shock. Seriously.

I tell ya, the boy never ceases to surprise me.

Dirty Little Secrets

2006-11-07T15:49:00.000-05:00

I have a few dirtly little secrets. Compared to some people, I'm sure my secrets aren't all THAT bad. But, they are still my little secrets. They are so secret that I'm even gonna share a few.

1. I have days like today when I don't do my makeup or even get out of my jammies. Oh the horror!!!

2. I gave up listening to secular music for the most part several years ago. Most of it is just too vulgar -- even the stuff the rest of society would deem "clean." HOWEVER, I absolutely LOVE George Strait. He has got the most amazing voice and I love that he doesn't try to sing country pop. He just sings country.

3. Kind of going along with #2, I really don't watch TV. We don't have cable and we get no channels in on our TV. That's not a bad thing. We do watch movies though. And one of my favorite movies is Pure Country, with George Strait. I also like Sweet Home Alabama, though that's probably got some stuff in it too that I should not watch.

4. I sometimes eat cereal for dinner when Ed is not home.

5. I listen to *gasp* talk radio more than I do music when I am in the car. If I can't get a good talk show, then I listen to preaching. Last choice is music.

6. I can eat a whole medium pizza by myself and sometimes I do.

7. I hate changing diapers. I actually gag when I have to change Eddie. Heaven help me when/if I get pregnant again while Eddie is still in diapers. Between the morning sickness and the diapers I won't be able to keep anything down.

8. I am a voyeur. I like to watch people. Not when they are doing anything private. Just in general. I observe people at church and in my neighborhood. It's entertaining.

9. I like M&Ms on my pizza and in my popcorn.

10. I like having the bed to myself when Ed is not home. Man that's heaven.

It's About Time.

2006-11-07T15:45:00.000-05:00

Yesterday Ed told me that his superior at his Guard Unit had receive an official email from the base in SC. The OFFICIAL email read something like this:

Here is the information you need to prepare the orders for SSGT. ________. This is the UNOFFICIAL information though, so please wait to receive the OFFICIAL information before you begin to prepare the orders.

Gotta love the govt.'s organization. LOL!

Anyway... Ed called me today. He has orders. The SC base wants him there tomorrow to start, but seeing as how his orders are being drawn up today and THEN he has to out process from his unit and I still need to get my active duty military ID, he won't be leaving for SC until Thursday. Then we will see him again when we move.

At least it's a step in the right direction.

Told Ya So.

2006-11-06T10:51:00.000-05:00

It's been confirmed, Eddie is indeed a genius.

I told ya so, just like I told the NICU nurses that my son is not a wimpy white boy.

Today was Eddie's 15 month check up. He's is now in the 10th percentile for weight and height. Not bad for someone who started out at a measley 2 lbs. He does like to eat. :)

Developmentally, he is caught up with his peers -- according to his actual age, not his adjusted age. They gave me the little checklist thingy to see what all he was doing. they told me to only bother with the 12-15 month section, but I read ahead anyway. Can't help it; it's in my nature to read ahead. :)

I have to say, my boy is doing nearly all the stuff on the 18 month checklist and several things on the 2 yr. old checklist and even a few things on the three yr old checklist. Now, some of those things are things like, asserts his own will and has temper tantrums. But others, like naming body parts and pointing to objects when I call them out are also "advanced" activities that Eddie does.

Yeah, I know I'm bragging. And I know that all kids develop at different rates. But I'm my son's mom. Doesn't that entitle me to automatic, extensive bragging rights and delusional thoughts about my son being the most famous genius doctor who comes up with a cure for cancer?

Healing

2006-11-05T21:36:00.000-05:00

Today at church we prayed for a man who has cancer. We prayed for him to be healed. I absolutely believe that is within God's ability. Whether or not it's in His will for this man to be healed on Earth or in Heaven is a completely different story.

While we were praying I could not help but think of a woman who was sitting with her son across the aisle from me. I imagine that she and her children cried out to God many times for her husband to be healed from cancer. I cannot even begin to imagine how they felt when he was ultimately healed. Her husband passed away this past spring. Surely, it was a bit emotional for her to watch the church pray over someone else who has cancer.

This woman though is an absolute inspiration to me. I've seen others lose a spouse to cancer well after their children were grown and these other people sort of fell apart. They became angry and distant. Not this woman though. She has remained strong and steady. I'm sure that's mostly for her childrens' sake. But she's been a living testimony of God's grace to me and to many others in the church.

She's left raising two daughters and a son alone. She doesn't complain or anything like that. She's more or less accepted what has been given to her and with that, she's accepted the grace to bear this burden. Surely that's got to be an amazing salve for a hurting soul.

I think I could take a few lessons from her in accepting what I've been dealt.

My Little Genius

2006-11-05T21:18:00.000-05:00

Okay, I really can't say for sure that Eddie is a genius, but as an *ahem* objective observer, it is my professional opinion that his IQ does indeed place him in the genius category. AND, my dad's wife told me last night that Eddie is a genius. So it's NOT just me who thinks this.

He is 13 months adjusted (15 months actual age) and already he is just blowing my mind. He knows where his head and nose are. Simply amazing. It absolutely does not matter to me *at all* that when I ask where his nose is he sticks his finger IN his nose. :)

Now, I have no earthly clue when children are supposed to begin to identify body parts and quite frankly I don't really care. I just know my boy is special because he can identify some of his.

Actually, nearly everything he does (even pooping in the tub) makes me just feel like I'm gonna pop with pride.

I've been proud of stuff in the past, like the PICA award I won for a book design I did and completing my master's degree. But, I've never felt as much pride as I do when I watch Eddie. Everything he does amazes me.

I have to laugh because the NICU nurses "prepped" me by telling me white males were wimpy and because everything I've read says that preemies have this problem and that problem and that they are prone to learning disabilities and ADD andmotor delays and blah blah blah. I bought all that stuff too. That's not to say that statistically those things are not true, but I don't think statistics can stop God from making a preemie into a genius, or even into a normal little boy.

At any rate, my boy never ceases to amaze me. He is handsome, and sweet (he likes to give mommy kisses) and kind and loveable and smart. He got all those things from his dad cause goodness knows that is certainly not an accurate description of me.

My question though; is it still a sin if I am proud of someone else? I don't know. I won't say I don't care because that would be, well, sacrilegious or something.

Walking? This Apparently Means Trouble

2006-11-03T15:39:00.000-05:00

So my little boy took his first steps on his own yesterday. He took two steps and plopped down. Then he did it again.

Of course, he hasn't done it since. What's even "funnier" is that since Eddie took his steps, he's been super clingy. EVERY SINGLE COTTON PICKIN time that I put him down, you know, so that I can go to the bathroom, or make dinner or jsut give my back a rest, he just gets mad.

Mad like his face turns red and he screams until he starts doin' that lip-suckin' thing. It's not been pretty around here lately.

But, he took his first steps and that's enough to make me smile.

No Harm, No Foul

2006-11-03T10:53:00.000-05:00

I'm moving onwards and upwards. Shaking the dust off my feet, so to speak.

Some things have happened (actually they've not happened) in recent days that kind of disappointed me. A potential friendship seems to have dissolved into thin air before it really ever even started. That had left me wondering if I had upset this "friend" in some way.

This has bothered me all week. I'm kinda sensitive like that, ya know. :) HOWEVER, I've decided to not waste my time worrying about this anymore. If she's just too busy, then so be it.

In other words, whatever. No harm, no foul. No hard feelings towards her, just maybe a few hurt ones on my end. Nothing I won't recover from.

ZOO CREW

2006-11-01T21:13:00.000-05:00

Today Eddie and I joined our upstairs neighbor and her son at the zoo. Today was the first time Eddie's actually acknowledged the animals. Every other time we've been to the zoo he watches the people.

I can understand that. People are fun(ny) to watch.

Anyway, you guessed it, here are some pictures from the zoo. The last picture was taken as we were crossing the little bridge to get from the entrance to the main part of the zoo. Yes, I do live in one of the most beautiful places on Earth -- especially in the fall.

Eddie's Second Haloweenie

2006-11-01T21:10:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was busy, but not because we were doing Haloweenie stuff. We spent the morning at the park playing and having a grand time. Then we came home, ate lunch and Eddie napped.

After naptime I worked on Fort Eddie and then we walked around the mall. By the time we got home, it was 6:30 and we were both beat. Good excuse to not take Eddie out -- he gets cranky when he's tired. He gets that from his dad. LOL!

Anyway... here are a few pictures from the park yesterday.

Look at these eyes. How could I not just absolutely love this boy?

Fort Progress

2006-11-01T20:48:00.000-05:00

The fort that I am building for Eddie is coming along pretty well. I did hit a few snags in my sewing, but nothing that can't be fixed.

Thought I would share some pictures. The walls are just about done and I still need ot sew the roof on.

Because I HAVE To...

2006-11-01T20:26:00.000-05:00

Sorry, I know this is a little bit late, but the past two days have been busy.

I have to comment on John Kerry's comments.

I didn't hear the entire speech, but the part I heard on the radio ticked me off on many levels: ~that the military is dumb,
~that you're nothing if you don't get a college education,
~that the only intelligence is that given by books and classrooms,
~and that the only way to get ahead in life is to have a college education.

I'm not even going to bother addressing the last three issues.

I don't *really* care that Mr. Kerry (thank God that's not President Kerry) doesn't agree with the war in Iraq.

I don't *really* care about Mr. Kerry's rubbish implying that the War in Iraq is another Vietnam, except that comments by people like him about our military are making this war more like Vietnam than anything that's actually taking place in Iraq.

And I *REALLY* don't care to hear excuses for Mr. Kerry's inexcusable remarks regarding our military.

Honestly, aside from hoping that Kerry comes to know Christ if he doesn't already, I don't *really* care much for him.

HOWEVER, I do take personal offense when someone indicates that my husband is unintelligent, crazy, uneducated or of poor character. I suppose that makes me crazy, at least according to Kerry, since I was offended by his stupid remarks.

Doesn't Scripture say something about, "Out of the heart the mouth speaks"? I am guessing that even though Kerry claims his comments were a failed joke, he at least believes a little bit of what he said -- that only the uneducated end up in the military.

What does that say about him, didn't he serve? Was he "uneducated" or "unintelligent" during the time that he VOLUNTARILY signed up to serve in Vietnam? If that's the case, then how come he used his service in Vietnam in his campaign last election?

I would think that, of all people, Kerry, who experienced firsthand the treatment from the anti-war crowd when he returned from Vietnam, he should know how that feels. And he should know that statements like his are only going to damage the morale of the troops.

While these comments bother me to no end, I am sort of glad that he made them. He has shown his true colors. Perhaps if he keeps talking, he will completely ruin any chances he may have for winning a presidential election. I can only hope. Goodness knows I would not want my husband to have to serve under kerry as commander-in-chief.

In Other News

2006-10-30T23:05:00.000-05:00

Eddie apparently like forts and tents and stuff. He absolutely loves it when we hide under a bedsheet or make a fort from boxes for him. So, Ed made the frame for a fort for the boy.

I spent some time today sewing the walls. Tomorrow I will finish the walls and will attach the roof. I'm pretty excited.

The frame is just made from PVC pipe and I found some great, colorful fabric at Wally World yesterday. I think later I'll get some of that really fluffy, furry material and put that down as a "rug" in his fort.

My boy may have goofy parents, but he's got the best fort in town.

Picts will be posted when I am finished.

What a Joke

2006-10-30T14:32:00.000-05:00

Seriously. Ed STILL has no orders. They have known about this deployment since September and as of today, the next to last day of October, the military has not yet provided Ed with orders.

Ed's boss called the people who do the orders. Their response was that they should know something about when the orders will be done at the end of the day today. Note that they DID NOT say that the orders will be done by the end of the day today, only that they will have a better idea of when the orders will be done. GRRRR!!!!

Seriously. How does anything in our govt. get done?

I just really hope it doesn't take them as long to do these orders as it has taken them to do his promotion. He's been waiting for that since 1991 when he got back from Desert Storm.

Good thing God knows our forwarding address, right?

Pastor Said,

2006-10-29T16:37:00.000-05:00

"God knows your forwarding address."

I had to chuckle when he said that too considering that we don't know our forwarding address yet and we are supposed to be moving soon. :)

Pastor was talking about stewardship today. It was a good sermon. While he did not ONLY focus on $$$, that was a good bit of his sermon -- being obedient in our finances.

While I admit that I am far from perfect in that area, it is an area that I feel more secure in. I know I need to tithe and I do tithe. It's the first check I write whenever we get any money -- at least that's how it USUALLY goes.

Stewardship in other areas for me... well, I need some work.

Gifts: A hard one for me because I know my main spiritual gift is teaching. If I could do anything all day long, it would be teaching. It's hard to get into teaching though when you move around so much. Know what I mean?

Talents and Abilities: I know I have one or two, particulary with PRINTED graphic design and such. It appears as though there are an abundant number of people in our church who have these skills. That's a good thing for the church.

Time: OHHHHH, this is a biggie for me. I can waste time with the best of them. I am a procrastinator. I procrastinate studying or packing or doing laundry by cleaning eveyrthing else first. Seriously. The best way to procrastinate is to start another project. I need serious help in this area.

My Son: How am I to be a good steward with my son? He is, afterall, on loan to me. I try so hard. I want to protect him from so many things. That's one reason he has not received any vaccinations aside from the RSV vax. That was a hard decision to make.

I stay home with him because I think that's the best for him. I want to teach him everything I've learned. I am trying so hard in this area. Of all the areas, this is the area of stewardship that I take most seriously. It's the one that scares me the most too.

There are of course, other areas of stewardship, but these are the biggies for me.

Rain, Rain

2006-10-27T22:13:00.000-04:00

It's cold and rainy out. Been rainy most of the day. I like these cold rains though.

My idea of a perfect evening, before I was married, was popping in some Ella Fitzgerald or Joshua Redmond, curling up in my comfy clothes on the couch and reading a good book while sipping hot cocoa filled with marshmallows. Doesn't that sound heavenly?

Now that I'm married though *and* now that I have a kiddo, that's just not going to happen. That's okay though. I get to snuggle with my sweetie pies while listening to the tap tap tap of the rain and breathe in the sweet smell of my baby's skin. Not much is better than that.

Since Ed's finally home after being gone all week, I am gonna go do just that.

In His Own Time

2006-10-26T21:33:00.000-04:00

My son is a perfect example of one who marches to the beat of his own drum. He does things when HE wants and that's that. He won't take any flak from anyone about it either.

I should have known that being Eddie's mommy would be an interesting ride when he came busting onto the scene 11 weeks early. But I allowed myself to imagine a child who would do things right when I expected them and in order. HA! Joke was on me.

When Eddie started rolling over, he rolled from front to back first. Everything I had read said that babies roll from back to front first. Not my son. He hated being on his belly so why on Earth would he roll onto his belly intentionally?

Then, he started walking while holding our hands in April. He was only 8 months old actual age and about 6 months old adjusted age. He had never crawled or scooted or anything like that. He just wanted to hold our hands and walk.

Teeth... babies are supposed to get bottom teeth first, right? Not Eddie. His top teeth came in first. He has his four front teeth and now he's getting molars. Where are the rest of his teeth?

He's been cruising for a few months now but when we try to encourage him to stand, he just sits down. He doesn't want to stand.

Feeding Eddie is always a delightful chore. Especially when he decides he's NOT going to eat what you made him, but that he is going to eat your food instead or that he's going to feed the dog or drink water or clean his high chair tray. Have you ever tried to put a spoonful of food in the mouth of a child who is violently shaking his head "no" while pointing to your plate and demanding your food? Loads of fun, I tell ya.

Ya know, now when I put several foods in front of him, he points after each bite to tell me what he wants for the next bite. And Heaven forbid I should try to trick him and put something else on his spoon. He's too smart for that.

He started scooting a little while ago. We assumed he would never crawl because he hated being on his belly so much. Well today, after months of walking holding our hands and months of scooting and a few months of cruising, Eddie decided to crawl. Go figure.

He's such a little turkey. I love him to pieces, strong will and all. I can already see though that he and I will probably butt heads more than a few times. I wonder where he got all this strong will from. Certainly, it couldn't have come from me, right?

Living in Limboland

2006-10-25T23:11:00.000-04:00

It's a fun place, really. You ought to visit sometime. It's guaranteed to take at least 5 years off your life.

Ed has been working at his unit in Charlotte all week so that we can have some sort of income. They still don't have orders for him for SC. The last update was that the orders would be ready by the end of the month. That's what, 4 business days away??? They had better get a move on.

I extended our lease to Nov. 10. I wonder if I should just extend for the whole month of Nov. Or should I just go ahead and move to Sumter without Ed having any orders? At this point I really don't care where we end up, so long as we have an income. Know what I mean?

And one last rant. Sorry, but for those who want the govt. even more involved in our lives and business -- ARE YOU STOOOOPID or just crazy? Seriously.

If the govt. cannot even manage certain SMALL things like typing up orders for a military member, then what in the world make you think the govt. is capable of educating our children, providing quality free healthcare to all Americans, or managing your retirement account?

Sorry... I'll teach my own children and manage my own money and find my own doctors. Thank you very much. Doing it myself has GOT to be better than spending my life in limboland.

Mom...

2006-10-23T22:51:00.000-04:00

So tonight I hopped on over to the blog I created for my mom. I thought I would see if anyone happened to post a comment. Much to my surprise someone did comment.

She left some info that she has access to concerning my mom and my mom's job. I used the info she gave me to email the company where my mom was last employed. I don't know if they can provide any information, but I thought it would not hurt to ask.

We'll see what they say.

Potty-Training 101

2006-10-23T22:37:00.000-04:00

I know, Eddie is a bit young to actually begin potty-training, but if potty training will prevent me from having ot fish turds outta the tub, then I say the boy is ready.

Tonight I had already drained the water from the tub and was getting the boy's towel ready. He kept wanting to stand up, which I should have understood as him saying, "Mom, there's a big somethng coming outta my rear and I don't like it."

Instead, I took it as, "Look mom, I'm gonna stand up no matter how many times you tell me to sit down."

Then I heard it. That little, "pfft" that didn't come from his mouth and I thought, "Oh no! He's gonna poop. Quick. Put him on the toilet!" (He's only a year old so we don't have a "potty" for him yet."

And I picked him up too late. Loverly.

At least the water was already down the drain.

There's nothing like trying to fish a turd outta a tub full of water. Which do you do first? Grab the turd or drain the water? Gotta grab the turd because if you don't, the boy will. But what do ya grab it with? Do ya KNOW what happens to toilet paper in water? And I'm not using MY hand to grab a turd.

Anyway... I sat the boy on the toilet just for the fun of it. He laughed. Then I had to take him off the toilet and clean the turd outta the tub without him trying to reach over the edge to get the turd and since he was naked, I was really hoping he wouldn't pee all over everything.

I sat him on the floor and then he pulled up on the toilet. He saw that there was water in there and wanted to play. I stopped him before he could though.

While Eddie may not have learned a thing tonight, except that there is water in the thing he likes to flush, I DID learn a few things.

Get a bigger bathroom when you start potty-training.
Keep one of those little fish nets beside the tub.
Naked boys in bathroms are bad news.
I'm ready to potty train.
Sadly, Eddie is content to poop or pee whereever he pleases and has no desire to potty train yet.

We escaped tragedy this evening, barely. I wonder what tomorrow night will hold.

And yes, I did just spend an entire post talking about turds.

Halloweenie

2006-10-23T16:27:00.000-04:00

Challies blogged about Halloween today. He raised some interesting points. I was already thinking about posting my thoughts on the topic, even if my thoughts are kind of random.

I really hate Halloween. I don't like seeing mock cemetaries and "dead" people hanging from trees. Ghosts and Franken-ghouls freak me out. Haunted houses are wretched.

I see nothing at all pleasant about celebrating death and fear and terror. Yeah, yeah. I know not everybody celebrates Halloweenie in such a grotesque manner, but I''m talking about the people who do.

I thought we were supposed to think on those things which are noble and pure and righteous. I thought fear did not come from the Lord. If fear doesn't come from the Lord then it must not be a good thing, so why celebrate fear? And don't even get me started about those haunted houses that have fake Jasons and Freddies running around. They are celebrating murderers -- even if the murderers are fake.

The whole "holiday" (ha ha) really creeps me out and that's without even going into it's origins or how pagans celebrate the night.

How should Christians celebrate? I have no clue; earthly or otherwise. I've heard that providing a safe "Christian" alternative is a wonderful thing and I've heard arguments against it. I've heard people say that it's okay to let the kids play dress up and go out for a night of trick-or-treating. And I've heard people say that if Christians participate, even with "good" costumes and no celebration of death or the dark side we are celebrating evil. Challies suggests that the day is a good time to show our Christian love to the unchurched.

As for me and my house though, we are thankful that we will be in the middle of the moving process when October 31 rolls around, thereby allowing us to provide everyone with an adequate excuse as to why Eddie's not participating this year.

Now, Eddie does have a costume, but he wears that on regular days sometimes, so... :)

Sumter, SC

2006-10-22T22:53:00.000-04:00

This past Thursday we decided to take a trip down to SC to actually check out some fo the rental property in the area. Ya know... since we had the time and since Ed STILL had no orders. He still doesn't, by the way, but they say he will have them within the next day or so.

And people seriously want the govt. MORE involved in our lives? Are they stupid?

Sorry. Didn't mean to go there.

Anyway... We loaded the boy up in the car and headed on down. It's really not that far -- only a 2.5-3 hr drive. That's kinda nice. My friends from NC could come visit. Columbia has a nice zoo, I hear.

Oops! Another tangent.

I had gone online to search for properties available in the area and then I got out my handy-dandy little map and highlighted where we needed to go. We had a plan and we were stickin' to it or somebody was gonna get hurt. :)

We got there and drove up to the first house on our map. It was a little out of our price range, but if ther is no availablity on base for Ed, then the military will be paying anyway. We wanted to keep our options open, ya know?

The house was super cute. Fairly new. In a nice neighborhood about 5 minutes from the base. There was a big yard and trees all over for privacy. As we wer backing out, the military couple who was moving out of that house pulled up. They let us take a peek inside. I fell in love and was ready to sign a lease then and there -- even with no orders.

Ed insisted we check out some of the less expensive properties on our list. Here's the thing.there was stuff that was waaaaaayyyy below what we could afford and stuff (like that first house) that was just out of our price range. Nothing in between. That made me nervous. And rightfully so.

We journeyed on to our next stop. We had to stop by a realtor's office to pick up some keys to a house we wanted to look at. We should have left immediately after talking to the receptionist. While I am a little country and many of my friend are very country, this woman was waaaayyyyy country. I almost could not understand her. Seriously.

I asked her if she knew about the area where this particular house was located. She kind of laughed and said, "I ain't never lived there. The girl who lived there before got a little boy, I think. They live there six months or so." (I can't bring myself to type exactly the way she talked, so use your imagination).

Her response should have been clue #2 that we should just skip that one.

The house was on a 1 acre lot and was only $450.mo. Ed had asked the realtor on the phone the day before why the house was so cheap. She just laughed and said ti was a small house. Too many people laughin' about this house, if you ask me.

We drove out there anyway. As we pulled onto the DIRT ROAD we justlooked at each other and hoped for the best. Then we had to pull onto the "lawn" to park. HA! I looked to the left of the house and saw that the neighbors had decorated their yard nicely. They had an old dilapidated boat, and a rusted out truck they were using for planters. Their lawn furniture consisted of a blue flowery loveseat and chair. I'm NOT kidding.

The actual house we looked at was not BAD, but it definitely was not anything I'd CHOOSE to live in.

So, we continued on. We drove by 4 or 5 apartment complexes that had woodpanels in the windows, broke down air conditioning units in the "lawn" and half-naked "ladies" getting dressed in front of the open window. These would be the places that were below our price range.

There was one apartment complex that was right in our price range. We got there and it was like really bad deja vu all over again. I was smack back in Daytona Beach.

The manager there had the same personality as the mgr. in FL. The look of the apartments was the same. Everything. We did get a key to check out a vacant apartment. As we walked there we passed at LEAST 20 or so dead roaches. These weren't jsut roaches though. They were those palmetto bugs. You know. The roaches that dive-bomb your head and that are about as big as Eddie's foot.

And once we saw the actual apartment, we decided that was definitely not hte place for us.

We did find one apartment complex that was SLIGHTLY less expensive than the houses on the upper end of the $$$ scale so we went there too. They were nice -- for apartments. Spacious. Clean. New. Quiet. Not in the ghetto. However, after the deposits and pet rent (grrr!), the apartments turned out to really not be that great of a deal.

So... Still no place to live. Still no orders. Lease still up on Oct. 31. Ed will be in Charlotte tomorrow with the Guard. Hopefully he will get what he needs then and will be on his way to SC.

Pardon The Dust

2006-10-22T22:52:00.000-04:00

I'm remodeling a bit. Things may seem way outta whack every now and then until I decide what I like.

2006-10-22T15:00:00.000-04:00

'>Fall 2006

Family; A Thing of The Past

2006-10-17T11:14:00.000-04:00

We have all heard the discussions about how homosexuality would bring about the downfall of the family. We have all read about how women in the workforce would cause a decline in the number of traditional families. We've probably all said, "It's coming. It's part of "their" agenda." And we've probably all heard in response that there is no "agenda," that people just want the right to enjoy their lives and to love who they "naturally" love.

Well folks, it's happened. This article discusses the results of a recent study by the US Census bureau. For the first time there are fewer traditional families in America than there are single people, single parents and "non-family" entities. The non-family group refers to gay or heterosexual couples cohabiting out of formal wedlock.

What's next? I don't want to know. I know that those who are in favor of pushing gay rights are laughing and asking if this is part of the "gay agenda;" the same agenda they don't believe exists. Others are stating that this shift will allow people to be who they are wihtout out guilt or shame or fear and that must be a womderful thing.

I'm sorry, but i don't want to be who I am naturally. Who I am naturally is absolutely vile in the face of God's holiness. Yes, he loves me no matter what, but my sinfulness cannot handle His holiness. I guess if you mock God anyway you don't really care wht your sinfulness does to Him.

Who Do You Love More?

2006-10-17T10:48:00.000-04:00

"He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me."

Matt 10:37

I am reading The Wasted Life by John Piper right now. GREAT BOOK. I highly recommend it. In fact, I am even considering giving my copy away because I think EVERYONE should read this book. I NEVER give books away.

Anyway... Piper talks about how the wasted life is one that does not seek to glorify God in EVERY single aspect. That's an idea I had heard before and I agreed with. I still do agree with, but I am thinking more and more about what that means.

Piper used the verse above in one part of his book that was talking about magnifying Christ in the midst of pain and suffering. He says that when we are able, after losing all that is dear to us, to say that we have everything we need and more, we are magnifying Christ.

Now, to be honest, I've always thought that loving Christ more than my parents was a relatively easy thing to do conssidering my upbringing. I don't think I had really thought about that verse though since Eddie's birth so the verse struck me kinda hard.

In Luke 14:26 we are told that those who do not hate their parents and children and their own life cannot be Christ's disciple. I don't think we are to literally hate, but rather that our love for our parents and children should dull in comparison to our love for Christ.

I have to be honest, aside from Ed, there isn't a single thing or person I love more than Eddie. When Eddie was born prematurely, I was angry with God because I was scared of what might have happened to Eddie. I SHOULD have been praising God for being who He is -- regardless of the outcome of Eddie's prematurity.

I don't know how to love Christ more than Eddie. I don't know how to be like Abraham who was willing to sacrifice Isaac to honor God. I pray that I learn how to be that obedient and that loving towards Christ.

Hurry Up And Wait... Still

2006-10-17T10:45:00.000-04:00

Oy Vey.

Ed still has no orders from his NG unit. Why? Because they are fighting over who is going to pay him while he's "deployed." So we have 14 days before we have to be out of our apartment and we have no orders and no place to go in SC.

WooHoo! This is more fun than Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.

Now You Wait Just a Nose-Pickin' Minute

2006-10-14T14:06:00.000-04:00

Eddie's new favorite thing to do is stick his finger in his nose. It's quite comical and disgusting all at once. He does it quite often during mealtimes which just makes it all that much more gross. I thought I'd share my son's amazing talents with you all.