re·form: (r-fôrm) v. re·formed, re·form·ing, re·forms v. tr. 1. To improve by alteration, correction of error, or removal of defects; put into a better form or condition. 2. To cause (a person) to give up harmful or immoral practices; persuade to adopt a better way of life.
ma·ma or mam·ma also mom·ma: n. (also m-mä) Informal. Mother.

5.29.2006

Mommy-hood.

So this whole mommy-hood thing is really a fly by the seat of your pants type gig, huh? Even moreso if your own mom was not really the example you needed.

I honestly had no idea what to expect when we got pregnant. I had to read all the books. First because I read EVERYTHING and second because I was/am absolutely clueless about all this stuff. Clueless in spite of having taken that child development course in grad. school. HA!

Throw in the whole preemie thing and well, Eddie Bear may as well have been sent home with a 6 yr. old. Poor kid.

Seriously though. The books have helped, except that every last one of them say something completely different.

"Your child needs to cry it out and be on a schedule," says Ezzo.

"Schedules and crying it out are bad," says Dr. Sears.

"Formula is the best thing because your milk won't satisfy your son," says grandma.

"Put that baby down, you hold him too much," says the little old lady own the road.

Oy vey. How's a new mom supposed to know what to do?

I've chosen to do what feels absolutely right for my son and me. Eddie will be breastfed until I am forced to wean or until he weans himself. He needs all the extra antibodies since he won't be getting any vaccinations anytime soon.

He comes to bed with me after 1 AM or so because I get more sleep than I would getting up to get him everytime he woke up. A well-rested mommy is MUCH better than an exhausted one. And no, I won't nightwean until at least 18 months old.

I am careful about what he eats. No dairy, nuts, or meat yet -- even though he is almost 10 months old. We have a history of allergies in my family and much to my dismay (I'm a peanut addict) he has already exhibited an intolerance to peanuts.

And TV just won't be happening. Cable is an extra expense we don't need and without it we get no channels. Books are better entertainment by far.

We may spank, but may not. We are undecided. Not spanking does NOT mean that our child will be undisciplined. FYI, a rod was used as a directional aid, not as a tool with which to beat the sheep.

Eddie will not go to the nursery during the worship service and Sunday School apart from us is still up in the air. In Bible times they didn't have children's church or nurseries. Childern were with their parents and people still came to Christ and the Holy Spirit still fell (or the Book of Acts is a lie).

Here's the thing, those are choices we have made as far as how we parent our child(ren). Please don't harrass me about them. If you have something useful to add, then by all means, please share. But don't tell me I am spoiling my child. He's a baby and to think you can spoil a baby is dumb.

We don't make judgements about how others parent. There are GREAT parents who do everything completely differently from the way we do things. That's okay.

My son is not perfect. Afterall, he is my little sinner. Rest assured, that he will not be nursing, co-sleeping, etc... for all eternity. But for right now, I want to enjoy his baby-hood. He's quite happy and very well adjusted (except he seems to go for the num-nums on any woman).

I decided to toss all those parenting books to the curb and do things my way; Eddie's way. Every child is different. Some kids are not cuddlers or nursers. Others are. That's okay. Those differences are what make life fun. Who knows, maybe my next child (whenever that happens) will want to be left alone? That will be okay too.

Nighty night.

3 Comments:

Blogger Lindsey @ Enjoythejourney said...

Oh yes....I can so relate to this post! I think all of us mommas suffer from Mommy guilt over our choices at times.

I know you and you know me in real life, and I think we can both agree we're both good mommies! yet we do things differently.... You like breastfeeding----I'd rather have major surgery without anesthesia than breastfeed a baby!!! :) I nursed Cleo for 9 months out of sheer guilt, and my other two were blissfully bottle-fed.

I tried cloth diapers but crashed and burned. I wanted a natural delivery but ended up with 3 csections, one of which was emergent. I loved my sling though...couldn't live without that thing!!!!

But then on the flip side I'm a crunchy homeschool mama now...a community of which almost everyone seems to breastfeed and homebirth! Sometimes I can scarcely take it all in.

The beauty of it all is that you grow and change and develop as time goes by. Things I'd never have done with my first aren't as big of a deal now, and vice versa. Poor Reece, baby #3 has never had a name-brand diaper on his rump because now I'm too cheap and he gets generic diapers! He's just lucky if he gets fed.... half kidding here! But then again, I have cuddled and talked, and just RELAXED with him in ways I wasn't able to do with the girls either.

In the end you do what you know is best for your child and throw the rest out of the window. You love them each deeply because YOU are the mama, not someone else. Don't let anyone else bully you about your choices. You stand accountable to God alone in the end. I try to look at everything in my little bubble:
1. Is God happy with my choice?
2. Is my husband happy with my choice...am I forcing my idea or are we in agreement?
3. Is my child happy?

Everyone else get in line! :) Love ya girl.

11:19 PM

 
Blogger Reformed Mama said...

Thanks for droppin' by. I was worried that my thoughts would come across as judgemental. Know what I mean? This has got to be, by far, the toughest job I've ever held. :)

9:58 AM

 
Blogger Lindsey @ Enjoythejourney said...

The toughest---but the most rewarding by far!!!! You were not judgemental at all.

I'll never forget when I got a speeding ticket with all 3 kids in the car. It was a humbling parenting experience---I had to tell my kids that mommy was wrong, and that I wasn't going to jail! :)

11:06 AM

 

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