re·form: (r-fôrm) v. re·formed, re·form·ing, re·forms v. tr. 1. To improve by alteration, correction of error, or removal of defects; put into a better form or condition. 2. To cause (a person) to give up harmful or immoral practices; persuade to adopt a better way of life.
ma·ma or mam·ma also mom·ma: n. (also m-mä) Informal. Mother.

7.21.2006

My Battle

Ha -- as if I only have one battle. I could think of about twenty things (at least) that I battle regularly. Among my list of battles you'll find, the tongue (HUGE WAR), pride, lack of faith, self-centeredness, etc...

Today my biggest battle has been pride. Well, I guess it's pride, in a way.

As a child I decided that I was not going to be poor and uneducated like my family was/is. While Ed and I may be broke, we aren't poor. There's a difference, but I suspect that only those who have been poor could understand.

In an effort to achieve my goal of becoming un-poor I went to college and graduate school. The funny thing is that neither of the things I went to school for pay very well. I always imagined myself being some fancy smancy business woman who everyone knew and liked and wanted to be. See... there's that pride thing.

Along with my education came independence. I know that if need be, I could certainly go get a job to provide for myself. Independence is not necessarily a good thing -- not when God created us to be communal.

Anyway... Along with my education and independence came an expectation from society that I would work and become a "productive member of society." Ya know... stay-at-home-moms really do nothing for society. (That was sarcasm.)

I'm stubborn enough to be okay with going against what society expects. In fact, most days I kind of like going against the grain. I'm really not one for following the crowd -- just take a look at my wardrobe and you'll see that.

But today it bothered me. It bothered me that people see me as "just" a stay-at-home-mom. It bothered me that the education I paid for *appears* to be going to waste. It bothered me to realize that I really am insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Then, it bothered me that that bothered me.

I know, in my head, that being a full-time mom is a great thing. I love it. And truth be told, I wouldn't want to work a 9-5er again. It was the idea that if I fell off the planet, no one would really notice; well aside from family and all three of my friends.

How sad is that? I mean sad that I care about that.

4 Comments:

Anonymous stacey said...

"It was the idea that if I fell off the planet, no one would really notice; well aside from family and all three of my friends."

I SOOOO had this exact thought yesterday. I did! And yes, obviously you are not alone in your fight against pride. ((hugs))

7:50 AM

 
Blogger Lindsey @ Enjoythejourney said...

Oh I sooooo know what you are saying. One of my best friends (you know her...) is a working girl and I get so frustrated with her sometimes because she really thinks I eat bon bons all day. Sigh.

I wish people realized how much SAHM's have to give up in order to be at home. And, that it isn't always bon bons and roses either! :)

But I wouldn't trade it for nuttin!

7:59 AM

 
Blogger Carrie said...

I just love your honesty!

Not working doesn't negate your education. I think being a SAHM is the hardest job in the world.

8:10 AM

 
Blogger Reformed Mama said...

carrie -- i agree -- most of the time. :)

honesty... sometimes i am too honest and not so tactful. that's NOT a good thing. lol!

11:42 AM

 

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