My Battle

Ha -- as if I only have one battle. I could think of about twenty things (at least) that I battle regularly. Among my list of battles you'll find, the tongue (HUGE WAR), pride, lack of faith, self-centeredness, etc...

Today my biggest battle has been pride. Well, I guess it's pride, in a way.

As a child I decided that I was not going to be poor and uneducated like my family was/is. While Ed and I may be broke, we aren't poor. There's a difference, but I suspect that only those who have been poor could understand.

In an effort to achieve my goal of becoming un-poor I went to college and graduate school. The funny thing is that neither of the things I went to school for pay very well. I always imagined myself being some fancy smancy business woman who everyone knew and liked and wanted to be. See... there's that pride thing.

Along with my education came independence. I know that if need be, I could certainly go get a job to provide for myself. Independence is not necessarily a good thing -- not when God created us to be communal.

Anyway... Along with my education and independence came an expectation from society that I would work and become a "productive member of society." Ya know... stay-at-home-moms really do nothing for society. (That was sarcasm.)

I'm stubborn enough to be okay with going against what society expects. In fact, most days I kind of like going against the grain. I'm really not one for following the crowd -- just take a look at my wardrobe and you'll see that.

But today it bothered me. It bothered me that people see me as "just" a stay-at-home-mom. It bothered me that the education I paid for *appears* to be going to waste. It bothered me to realize that I really am insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Then, it bothered me that that bothered me.

I know, in my head, that being a full-time mom is a great thing. I love it. And truth be told, I wouldn't want to work a 9-5er again. It was the idea that if I fell off the planet, no one would really notice; well aside from family and all three of my friends.

How sad is that? I mean sad that I care about that.