Can I Make A Confession?

At this point, I have to say that I am most definitely NOT one of those women who just loces being pregnant. I know some women would look down on me for that, but I'm sorry. That's just the truth.

During my pregnancy with Eddie there was maybe a total of 4 weeks when I wasn't gagging, on bedrest, contracting, or drugged up. I thought after the first trimester that everything would be wonderful. That's what everyone says. Sure, my all-day sickness subsided, but I had Braxton-Hicks contractions regularly starting at about 12 weeks or so.

Then, there was all that pre-term labor and bedrest and medication. That just was awful.

Now, I am about 6 weeks pregnant and everything is the same as during my first trimester last time. I keep hearing that every pregnancy is different, so I was hoping that I'd be lucky and not be gagging all the time this pregnancy. No such luck.

And, I know this will sound silly, but when I'd have those Braxton-Hicks contractions last pregnancy, I'd get this weird sensation throughout my abdomen and chest. It's not something I can describe really. It was a tightening/gas/heartburn/gotta pee sensation. While I obviously have not felt my belly tighten since I'm barely pregnant, I have to say that that familiar, distinctive sensation has hit me on occasion. That bothers me. Makes me worry about pre-term labor again.

Then, of course, I get all upbeat and remind myself that I WILL go full-term this time or else I dunno what. So, new fears hit me. Ya know... my first child was only 2 lbs and 13 oz when i pushed him out with no medication since the epi didn't work. I dunno if I can handle having a 6 pound baby and an epi that doesn't work. Honestly, that scares the mess outta me. Truly.

Of course, there's also the basic pregnancy stuff that's just not fun. You know, being 31 and having a face that looks like the before picture on a "proActiv" commercial and the maternity clothes that are just hideous and the constant peeing and heartburn and hunger and gas. Joy.

I am excited about the new baby. I have already begun thinking of names for *her*. I like Ella for a first name. Not sure about a middle name though. If this baby is a boy though, I haven't a clue what we'll name him. Ed wanted to name Eddie "Soda Pop." I am absolutely serious!

I think it will be great fun to watch Eddie and his new sister. ;) I just wish there was an easier way for her to get here.

Does that make me an awful mom?