How Much Do I Really Trust Him?

It's easy for me to say I trust God. But do I really? And is there ever a line drawn in the sand regarding that trust and my responsibility? I dunno.

I believe God is sovereign and all-powerful and all-knowing. Nothing happens without Him first knowing about it. He either decrees something to happen or he permits it to happen. Ultimately, the idea that I am in control of anything is laughable.

How do those principles get applied in real life though? I can't very well sit around and say, "Well, if God wants it to happen, then it will happen." I have a feeling that would turn me into a huge couch potato.

For example, let's think about the whole birth control issue. I personally think hormonal birth control is bad news for women's health. Because of that I will not take hormonal birth control ever again. Also, many birth control pills act as an abortificant when the primary method of suppressing ovulation does not work. Being pro-life, I cartainly could not risk "unknowingly" aborting a child. This is a decision my husband and I came to shortly after we were married.

So, that leaves us with a few options. I won't go into detail. You are smart enough to figure that out. I will comment that one of those options is to abstain during my fertile times. No, this is not the ancient rythm method.

But, if I believe God is sovereign and will provide all of our needs according to his riches in glory and that all children are a blessing, then do I really have the right to conscientiously abstain during fertile times or to employ other methods of birth control?

I lean towards saying, "No" on that one. Either I trust that God will allow me to get pregnant only when He wants me to be pregnant or I don't. Plain and simple.

But let's throw another monkey wrench into it. What if I have no insurance and believe it is wrong to depend on the government to pay for my choices? And what if I have a history of medically expensive pregnancies and births? What then? Should I be a good steward of my money and of the govt's money and actively try to avoid pregnancy?

This is where the rubber meets the road. Do I trust God enough to say, "okay, I will only get pregnant when you want me to and I trust you to completely provide for this child and I trust that there will not be significant complications with this pregnancy that will result in the birht of another premature child?"

Honestly, my trust is not to that point yet. Prior to Eddie's birth, I had come to the point where I was comfortable having as many children as God wanted me to have. And I want(ed) a quiverfull. Then Eddie and his bills came along, as did a whole host of other financial issues and everything changed in my mind.

I DO NOT WANT TO DO BEDREST OR NICU OR MAGNESIUM SULFATE EVER AGAIN!!!!

But I want to be at the point where I trust God to take care of all of those issues. I don't know how to get there though.

And for the record, NO, I am not pg. I don't need those rumors spreadin'. HA HA!