re·form: (r-fôrm) v. re·formed, re·form·ing, re·forms v. tr. 1. To improve by alteration, correction of error, or removal of defects; put into a better form or condition. 2. To cause (a person) to give up harmful or immoral practices; persuade to adopt a better way of life.
ma·ma or mam·ma also mom·ma: n. (also m-mä) Informal. Mother.

7.26.2006

I Wasn't Going To Do This.

I really was trying to not think about last year and all. I kind of knew that some parts of this year would be tricky, but really, I have a healthy, happy mess of a son, so I really shouldn't be sad or anything like that, rihgt???

I guess I can blame my sister-in-law though. :) She sent me a really sweet email today saying that she was thinking of us. She is 29 weeks pregnant -- the same as I was this time last year. She said that Eddie's prematurity really kind of hit her because of where she is in her pregnancy and all. It really was a sweet email.

It did bring back a flood of memories though. I'm not sure what to do with them. I kept a journal at another online site, so everything I went through is documented there. It was one year ago today that I was put on strict bedrest and that they ran the fetal fibernectin test to see if I was at risk of delivering early. The rest of the story is in an earlier post on my blog.

Anyway... so what do I do with these memories? I have other bad memories from other times in my life, but they don't seem to bother me like these do. I'd like to just repress all my bad memories, but I don't think that's a good thing. lol! I suppose I should use them to learn. Or to remember God's faithfulness.

In happy news, Eddie and I went to have his 1 year pictures made today. I'll post those later maybe. Perhaps that's what instead of being sad about last year, each year I'll start celebrating his birthday on July 26 since that's when he started screaming that he was ready to come out and play.

1 Comments:

Blogger Charlene said...

You're not alone! I really struggled with Jasmine's first birthday too...both because it meant she wasn't a baby anymore, but also all the memories of her birth. My mom, without batting an eye, says that the day I was born was the best day of her life. I guess that's true for me and Jasmine's birth, but it was also the worst day of my life.

I believe God can heal those memories, he can show us how he sees those days and we can see his hand in each and every thing that happened. I'm praying for that for both of us :)

Thanks for your transparency!!

5:04 PM

 

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