re·form: (r-fôrm) v. re·formed, re·form·ing, re·forms v. tr. 1. To improve by alteration, correction of error, or removal of defects; put into a better form or condition. 2. To cause (a person) to give up harmful or immoral practices; persuade to adopt a better way of life.
ma·ma or mam·ma also mom·ma: n. (also m-mä) Informal. Mother.

9.24.2006

Disappointed -- I Think?

I am not at all sure how to respond to a situation. I dunno if I'd even call it a situation, to be honest.

I know no one nurses their babies anymore and I know babies are "supposed" to go to the nursery during church and Sunday School, but I can't do either of those things and I feel like an outcast for it.

The mommy wars really really get old. I know pro-bf moms who say horrible things about moms who formula feed their kids and I know I've certainly gotten weird looks for still nursing Eddie. That's just not right.

And I'm sorry, but I can't bring myself to put Eddie in nursery. First of all, Ed and I both feel very strongly convicted about having Eddie in service with us. Secondly, Eddie is still a preemie. While he's not had the problems he could have had, I am not ready to expose him to a whole host of germs that could be lurking in the nursery. Thirdly, I don't think Eddie is ready for nursery.

So, every Sunday Ed and I go to church. Every Sunday one of us holds Eddie while he naps. No problem there. Then when he wakes up he may make a sound or two. The looks start. They say things like, "How DARE you keep your child in service?" and "Don't you know your son is interfering with the work of the Holy Spirit?"

Now, I know those ideas are pure rubbish (especially the last one) but the looks bother me.

So, either Ed or I will take Eddie out when he wakes up. That means one of us misses a chunk of the sermon. Our church has no speakers in the nursery or anywhere like that. The only place where there are speakers is downstairs where the director of the children's ministry is. If I need to nurse Eddie I can't very well just whip it out and nurse in front of the director, can I? He is a man and I would not want to do that.

I am not the only mom who has nursed at Reavis. I am not the only mom who is bothered by this. I appear to be the only mom who will speak up though. Even the moms who don't nurse could benefit. Moms who don't nurse still miss chunks of the sermon when they get called to the nursery to console their inconsolable child.

So, I've mentioned this issue to no less than five people who are in leadership at our church the necessity for a nursing mom's room. One person told me they would check into it. No response -- Ever. One person told me the speakers were disconnected in the nursery because it wsa too distracting to have the sermon being piped in (no comment). One person told me that speakers used to pipe the sermon into the foyer, but people complained about that.

The latest response bothers me most though. This person said, "I don't know what the answer is. Can you put Eddie in the nursery? I never experienced that because I just put my kids in the nursery so I could be fed because I was with my kids 24-7. I needed that God time."

I really wanted to cry then. I know she meant well, but it's not just about me and Eddie. Moms are missing out in a way. Just like that mom needed some God time, other moms do too. But the only answer is to stick the kid in nursery and not worry about it? That bothers me.

I don't know how to respond. Do I get mad? Probably shouldn't, but that's the flesh response I want to give. Do I cry? That's what I am on the verge of doing now. Do I keep pressing the issue? Do we leave to find a more family-friendly church? What do I do?

I haven't any idea. I just know that ignoring the needs of moms in a very reproductive church can't be a good thing.

PS -- If you attend Reavis, don't ask for names. I ain't talkin'. :)

5 Comments:

Blogger Carrie said...

Ugh!

To answer, what do you do, I don't know. That is a tough situation.

Based on the various churches I have attended or visited, I think this issue would be somewhat common. Usually nursing would go on in the nursery with at best a privacy screen. And somehow the services aren't piped in.

Your situation is special, I'm sorry you have to struggle with that. I sorta understand that it may be difficult for the church to accomodate you but the lack of concern is a bit disappointing.

Can you get the sermons on tape?

6:53 PM

 
Anonymous Lindsey said...

You know I love ya Bev, and we're each entitled to our opinions.

I for one will admit, I *DO* need me time...3 kids, 1 of them special needs, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week...the nursery has always worked for us.

It certainly doesn't make you a bad mother or a good mother on that one choice alone.

I think it is great you don't want Eddie in the nursery...but don't be so quick to judge that the rest of us who have/do use the nursery are bad mothers who are missing out.

I for one think a nursing room with speakers/cry room would be awesome. Wish they would have had one back when mine were little. Sure, I'd be feeding them the formula in a bottle in the cry room, but a bottle offered with love is alot better than a breast with resentment! :)

8:17 PM

 
Anonymous Lindsey said...

Sorry, hit publish too soon...anyway with homeschooling the church nursery/lifechurch/thing is about the ONLY place my kids are ever without me.

Trust me, I have huge issues with life church sometimes. I have tried putting them in church with me and it just doesn't work for us. They're bored and I'm frustrated trying to keep them quiet.

Like I said, there are 2 sides to every coin. You just figure out which side works best for you and stick with it. Don't let others sway you one bit.

8:19 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here I am commenting again--I felt bad, I hope you know I wasn't being snippy....I just want you to know that some of us nursery moms are pretty good folks.

I know you know that :)

Honestly, the moms who work all week and then pawn the kids off to nursery/life church as a means of babysitting DOES bother me. Or, the droves of parents who drop their kids off on Wed. nights for Awana while they go off shopping or out to eat---that is sad.

But really, I do enjoy worshipping alone sometimes. Daily my children and I have Bible time, we sing songs, pray together several times a day, read bible stories, and I'm with them ALL.THE.TIME.

So if Cleo likes dancing at life church praise & worship, I guess I don't feel so guilty about letting her go, knowing that 99.9% of her spiritual training comes from home alone.

Again, my apologies if I came across snippy.

8:48 PM

 
Blogger Charlene said...

I'm with ya!!

We do have one option you don't have: a nursing mother's room where the sermon is piped in. But Jasmine thinks it's boring, so she cries if we're in there.

Thankfully it's working better now...SIL or FIL will take her and play with her after worship, and she's being loved and I get to hear the sermon.

I'm praying that we both find something that works!!

12:15 PM

 

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