re·form: (r-fôrm) v. re·formed, re·form·ing, re·forms v. tr. 1. To improve by alteration, correction of error, or removal of defects; put into a better form or condition. 2. To cause (a person) to give up harmful or immoral practices; persuade to adopt a better way of life.
ma·ma or mam·ma also mom·ma: n. (also m-mä) Informal. Mother.

1.14.2007

Email to Mom

If you've read my blog for any length of time, then you know that up unti la few weeks ago, I did not know if my mom was dead or alive. I've spent a lot of time over the past few weeks trying to decide how to respond. This is what I came up with.

Hi Mom.

I don't even know how to respond to your email or to your Christmas card.

Thank you for the money order. We spent it on stuff for Eddie. You absolutely did not need to send us any money. Thank you for thinking of us.

See, I have been worried sick about you for the last ten months. I've searched for you every way that I know how. As far as I knew, you were either homeless or dead. You never contacted me or the boys. You let us worry. You didn't respond to any of my emails. You never gave me a number or an address. That's not fair.

I am sooooo glad you are okay, but I am hurt. Hurt because you did not care enough about your children to let us know you were okay. I know you are going to say you are sorry and all that. Prove it to me. Don't disappear on us again. Keep in touch. Ask about your grandson from time to time. Prove it to the boys. Call Robbie -- he is still living at dad's.

Maybe it's wrong for me to ask you to prove that you care about us. I'm sorry if it is. I'm not saying that to be mean. I want you to know that I do care about you and I love you.

Because of Ed's work, we've moved to SC. Our new address is:
*****************
******************

Sorry if this email upset you. That's not at all what I want to do.

I'll drop your birthday and Christmas cards from last year in the mail sometime this week.

Love,
Bev, Ed & Eddie.

There was so much more that I wanted to write. Not much of what I left out was gracious -- that's why I didn't put it in there.

Of all the things a girl could ever have, I would think a good relationship with her mom would be probably THE most prized possession. What I wouldn't give to have that.

I don't though. There's bound ot be some reason that I have the parents that I have. Only God knows that. If anything though, as bad as this sounds, watching my parents has made me overly critical of how I parent my son.

My husband and my son are my pride and joy.

I've always heard people talk about how much they love their mom or their dad and how much they enjoyed being around them. I never understood that. At all. not that I didn't or don't love my parents. I do. It's always just been different.

Mother's Day has always been hard. How do you buy a card that tells someone how much you appreciate all the wonderful things they've done for you when that's not a reality for you?

Now, I "get" it though. Because of my husband and my son, I understand that stuff that others have talked about regarding their parents. Just looking at Eddie is enough to make me smile for months. How could it not? He's so stinkin' cute.

Who knew you could love someone -- let alone TWO someones -- sooooo much?

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