4 Years Ago Today

4 years ago today Ed and I were married. Happy anniversary to us!

Can I just say I loved our wedding. It was so "us." We didn't spend an outrageous amount of money. We didn't have tons of people we barely knew attend. We didn't go overboard trying to impress the guests with our catering budget. We simply invited them to celebrate with us as we were joined together as man and wife.

I had such a blast that day that I tell Ed often that we should have a wedding every year. He just rolls his eyes and laughs. He's not much for being the center of attention though.

I used to dream about taking cruises on our anniversary and being showered with diamonds and roses. Who DOESN'T dream about that, right?

Of course, life happened and our anniversaries have not been at all as I had imagined.

Ed was about 900 miles away for National Guard Training for our first anniversary and on our second anniversary we were preparing to move to FL -- he was already in FL. Our third anniversary was spent in FL with me pregnant and him stressed out from school. We spent today with his sister and her family.

Ed even forgot to mention our anniversary on our second year. Yeah, he'll NEVER do THAT again! HA!

While those silly little romantic dreams have not ever happened, I can honestly say that I would not change one thing about our marriage. We have something that runs much deeper than diamonds and roses.

Ed is my best friend. He's who I turn to when I need a shoulder to cry on. He's the first one I tell when something AWESOME happens. We cling to each other when times are tough. Ed doesn't care if my hair is a mess or if my clothes are wrinkled (that's a good thing). He loves me for me.

I have to say that I am the luckiest woman alive. Afterall, I've been blessed with TWO Eds, not jsut one.

Since I mentioned it in my last post...

Vaccinations... Oh joy. It's one of those topics I love to hate. Not surprisingly, this topic is much like the parenting topic. Everyone has an opinion.

Let me add this disclaimer first. If you choose/chose to vaccinate your children on schedule that's your business. I am simply posting my thoughts on the topic. If someone would like more info, hopefully soon I will be organized to provided them with links and book recommendations so they can research for themselves.

While I respect the choice that parents make to vaccinate, I do not think it should be a decision that is made without doing any research first.

There are several options when it comes to vaccinations.

1. A parent can vaccinate fully and on schedule.
2. A parent can select certain vaccinations and only use those on schedule, omitting the rest.
3. A parent can delay certain vaccinations, but give all of them to the child.
4. A parent can select and delay vaccinations.
5. A parent CAN choose to not vaccinate at all.

We have decided to do either option 4 or 5. Here's why.

We believe our child is a gift from God. It is our duty to protect him from harm, keep him healthy and to raise him in a godly home. I cannot, in good conscience, vaccinate my son fully and on schedule if there is any question that those vaccines may harm him; especially in light of the fact that most of the diseases that the vaccines fight are now easily treatable or are no longer being spread.

Now, my son has a runny nose and a cough today and that is about to kill me, so I certainly don't WANT himt o catch measles, chicken pox or what have you. I just have come to the place where I think *right now* the risks from receiving the shots are far greater than the risk of him catching the illness.

The schedule that the CDC has recommended for the immunizations has mostly been recommended because the first two years of life are the most likely times a parent will take their child in for well-child care. Because of the fact that most aprents only take the child in to the doctor to treat illnesses after the age of two or three, the CDC thought it would be best to recommend all vaxes be done when they knew parents would be taking their well children in for checkups. THat makes sense. You can't give a sick kid or a kid who isn't there a vaccination, now can you?

I do think vaxes have done some good things. Polio is not really an issue any more and that's a great thing. At what cost though was polio virtually irradicated? After the introduction of the polio vaccines, cancer rates shot up. That's just a correlation and offers no proof of causation, but it is something to ponder.

It bothers me that while the CDC has denied any connection between autism and autism spectrum disorders, the govt. has set up a fund for those who are permanently injured by vaccines. That tells me that the govt. knows that vaxes are not safe -- at least not as safe as we are told they are. Combine that with the astounding number of children who are dx with ASD now and I am not convinced that vaccines are not a part of the problem.

I also take issue with the chemicals and other ingredients used in vaccines. These chemicals include, mercury (toxic), aluminum (toxic), anti-freeze (listed under the chemical name and also toxic to humans), and aborted fetus cells (ummm... gross and terribly heartbreaking).

I don't allow my son to suck on a mercury popscicle, why would i inject that stuff into his blood stream?

Yeah, I know thermisol (mercury) is supposed to no longer be in vaccines, but it is still used in the making of the vaccine and then "washed" out. Nope, not gonna buy that the mercury is gone.

And aborted fetus cells... If I am pro-life, how can I allow my son to be injected with a "medicine" that was created with a murdered baby? I know, I know... we should recognize that his tragedy was used for something good, right? I'm not so sure. Every life is sacred and to utilize a vaccine that was created from a murdered child to "save" my child is hypocritical in my opinion.

Studies have also shown that preemies hav had serious, near fatal apneaic episodes after receiving the DTaP. Yet, they still wanted me to vax my 5 lb. 2 mo. old son on schedule with a full dose, when HE WAS ALREADY ON AN APNEA MONITOR. I'm no doctor, but I'm not stupid.

Let's not forget that catching the actual disease often confers ifelong immunity while vaccinations often wear off after a period of time. Hence, the mumps outbreak in the midwest. Most of the people infected had been fully vaccinated.

One more thing, the only way to know if you child is going to have a serious injury from a vax is by allowing them to get vax'd. I just am not comfortable with that.

And NO, I do not have to vaccinate my child. Almost every state allows for at least a medical exemption. Most offer a medical or a religious exemption and some offer a philosophical exemption as well.

So, if you vax'd your child, no judgement from me at all. I wish there was a way I could vaccinate my child without worrying about the serious side effects. I am not at that point yet. Perhaps when my son is much older and a lot less fragile.

Then again, will my baby ever be anything other than my baby who needs to be taken care of? I doubt it.

Mommy-hood.

So this whole mommy-hood thing is really a fly by the seat of your pants type gig, huh? Even moreso if your own mom was not really the example you needed.

I honestly had no idea what to expect when we got pregnant. I had to read all the books. First because I read EVERYTHING and second because I was/am absolutely clueless about all this stuff. Clueless in spite of having taken that child development course in grad. school. HA!

Throw in the whole preemie thing and well, Eddie Bear may as well have been sent home with a 6 yr. old. Poor kid.

Seriously though. The books have helped, except that every last one of them say something completely different.

"Your child needs to cry it out and be on a schedule," says Ezzo.

"Schedules and crying it out are bad," says Dr. Sears.

"Formula is the best thing because your milk won't satisfy your son," says grandma.

"Put that baby down, you hold him too much," says the little old lady own the road.

Oy vey. How's a new mom supposed to know what to do?

I've chosen to do what feels absolutely right for my son and me. Eddie will be breastfed until I am forced to wean or until he weans himself. He needs all the extra antibodies since he won't be getting any vaccinations anytime soon.

He comes to bed with me after 1 AM or so because I get more sleep than I would getting up to get him everytime he woke up. A well-rested mommy is MUCH better than an exhausted one. And no, I won't nightwean until at least 18 months old.

I am careful about what he eats. No dairy, nuts, or meat yet -- even though he is almost 10 months old. We have a history of allergies in my family and much to my dismay (I'm a peanut addict) he has already exhibited an intolerance to peanuts.

And TV just won't be happening. Cable is an extra expense we don't need and without it we get no channels. Books are better entertainment by far.

We may spank, but may not. We are undecided. Not spanking does NOT mean that our child will be undisciplined. FYI, a rod was used as a directional aid, not as a tool with which to beat the sheep.

Eddie will not go to the nursery during the worship service and Sunday School apart from us is still up in the air. In Bible times they didn't have children's church or nurseries. Childern were with their parents and people still came to Christ and the Holy Spirit still fell (or the Book of Acts is a lie).

Here's the thing, those are choices we have made as far as how we parent our child(ren). Please don't harrass me about them. If you have something useful to add, then by all means, please share. But don't tell me I am spoiling my child. He's a baby and to think you can spoil a baby is dumb.

We don't make judgements about how others parent. There are GREAT parents who do everything completely differently from the way we do things. That's okay.

My son is not perfect. Afterall, he is my little sinner. Rest assured, that he will not be nursing, co-sleeping, etc... for all eternity. But for right now, I want to enjoy his baby-hood. He's quite happy and very well adjusted (except he seems to go for the num-nums on any woman).

I decided to toss all those parenting books to the curb and do things my way; Eddie's way. Every child is different. Some kids are not cuddlers or nursers. Others are. That's okay. Those differences are what make life fun. Who knows, maybe my next child (whenever that happens) will want to be left alone? That will be okay too.

Nighty night.

My Eddie Bear

So is my Eddie Bear my hubby or my son since they share the same name?

Ed, my hubby, is sweetie pie. He calls me sweetie pie too. We are that sappy couple that annoys everyone else. I love it though.

Eddie is my Eddie Bear.

Why? Lots of reasons.

Being apart from him while he was in the NICU was absolute torture. I would go out shopping and cringe when I saw new moms or women who were obviously past 35 weeks gestation.

When I would visit him though, my heart would melt.

I was mad too. I had done everything right. I knew personally people who drank, smoked and did other questionable things while they were pregnant and they carried to term. And when the doctor told me that there was no known cause for the particular issues I dealt with that lead to Eddie Bear's pre-term delivery, well, that was just a big fat kick in the teeth.

When I held him at the hospital, I was in my own little Heaven on Earth.

Back to the NICU though. Eddie was hooked up to a ventilator, an IV, an apnea and bradycardia monitor and a pulse-oximeter. Probably a few more things too. He was being fed intraveneously at first and was only receiving lipids and sucrose water.

But, when I pumped my milk for him for fifteen minutes every 2-3 hours every day, I knew he would be getting everything he needed to grow strong and healthy.

Eddie couldn't be heard when he cried because of the vent and I couldn't hold him for the longest time. He was constantly being poked and prodded. His IV site had to be changed every few days or so. He had IVs in his ankle, arms, hands and in his HEAD!!!

When I kissed his head, I felt like I was kissing his and my aches and pains away.

Eddie Bear was a trooper though. He never gave the nurses any problem -- at least none that they told me about. He ate as much as they would allow him to eat and he never suffered any serious complications.

When he smiled in his sleep, I couldn't help but giggle.

When he was finally allowed home, 6 weeks after his birth, I just wanted to snuggle him. That's when he became Eddie Bear.

Throughout my pregnancy I had referred to him as Bubba or Little Eddie. Then, after he was born, he was my little sinner. He's been called Mr. Stinky Pants (with good reason), Turkey Butt, Pumpkin and probably a few other names that are slipping my mind. Now before anyone gets on my case, each name was absolutely meant with love.

I think Eddie Bear is a good name though. It's the best name. He loves to snuggle (maybe too much). He's got nice round cheeks and pudgy little arms like a teddy bear does. Yeah, I think I'll keep my Eddie Bear.

Because It's on My Mind

One of my great life "secrets" is that I have a M.A. in Christian Counseling from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. I graduated in May, 2002. I have yet to professionally use that degree, but that's fine because I believe God has called me to full-time motherhood.

That's not what I want to discuss today though.

I am Southern Baptist. I support the SBC, generally speaking. I think that the SBC has done and can continue to do GREAT things for the Lord -- not because the SBC is so great, but because God is so powerful that He can use even falliable people and faulty organizations to do His Will.

Let me back up for a minute. While I was a student at SEBTS, I was also an employee in the public relations office. As both, a student and an employee, I saw things that I felt were more political in nature than they were godly.

I must interject here that my education at SEBTS was wonderful. The professors that I encountered were genuine and possessed a true passion for teaching the Word of God.

So back to my point... The political "fluff" that went on bothered me, but I attributed it to the fact that even those holding a position in a serminary are still falliable humans and should not be expected to live perfect lives.

I graduated and got married and moved on. The church my husband and I attended durign the first years of our marriage is a small country church that remains largely unaffected by SBC controversies.

Then we ended up in Florida. Daytona Beach, to be exact. Home of Bobby Welch's church. We must have visited 50 churches in the area. FBC Daytona was not a fit for us for some very personal reasons that I will not discuss here. One thing we noticed was that there is a huge battle brewing there between FBC and other churches that hold to a Calvinistic view of salvation.

We attended the other large church in the area -- Riverbend Community Church in Ormond. That church has the absolute best teaching that I've sat under since leaving SEBTS. however, that church was seriously lacking in brotherly love. Ya know, not one person sent a card or came to visit when we delivered our son 11 weeks early. (that's another rant for another day).

Anyway... every church we visited had nothing nice to say about any church that held to the opposing view of salvation. FBC had nothing nice to say about the calvinists at Riverbend and the reverse was also true.

Now, I am all for spirited debate, but let's not make it mean-spirited debate. Know what I mean?

That was my first inclination that something was going wrong. Then when we moved back to NC I was excited to read that the SBC convention will be in the next town over. I was excited until I began to read about some of the ugliness flying around out there among those in positions of authority at the SBC.

Lately I've been surfin' blogs because I am a voyeur at heart. I stumbled upon more explanations for the problems within the SBC.

I am heartbroken. I know Baptists like to think they are the only ones who will be in Heaven and we have a tendency to think that any variation from our own particular beliefs will send someone to Hell. However, the things I've read indicate to me that many Baptists aren't acting like they are elected to Heaven. Get my drift?

If you are a Christian who is being sanctified, then you accept someone's repentance, agree to disagree on certain issues, you understand God's grace and attempt to emulate it. As a Christian you are not to be legalistic, nor are you to be living in a perpetual state of sin because of God's grace.

Grow up people. The lost are watching us. They need to see Christ, not someone's ego or in-fighting or legalism without love.

That's my rant for today.

How I came to be a Calvinist

I'm gonna use the laymen's terms just because it will make it quicker to post.

Calvinists believe that God elects some to Heaven and some to Hell. His grace is irresistible and Christ's death was/is only valid for those who are saved. Once one is saved, they are always saved.

Arminians believe that those who are saved are saved because God foreknew who would choose salvation. Some Armenians believe one can lose his or her salvation.

I grew up Baptist. I remember when I was 11 years old asking my pastor why God created Satan if He knew Satan would turn against Him. My pastor replied that God wanted us to have free will. That was the end of that discussion.

Fast forward several years. I had been out of church for a long time, then God called me back. A few years later I landed in seminary -- Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary.

My limited experiences up to that point had not provided me with any knowledge of the whole Calvinism vs. Arminianism debate. Really, the only thing I had ever heard was that Calvinists did not believe in missions work or evangelism. Surely that wasn't biblical.

So, I went right on about my merry way, not giving the whole argument a whole lot of thought; at least not until Dr. Hammett's Systematic Theology course. Great class by the way.

During that class I wrestled with the notion that God elected some to Heaven and others to Hell. Or, to borrow Dr. Hammett's illustration, that humans were all running from God and He, in his infinite grace, scooped some up and left others running away.

I started leaning towards calvinism; I wasn't sold though.

I was reading Exodus one night and stumbled upon a verse that said GOD hardened Pharoah's heart. While I had read verses referring to the elect of God, I did not recall reading about God ever hardening someone's heart so that they would NOT turn towards Him.

That verse, along with studying and attending a church that had the most solid teaching I had ever sat under (outside of my time at SEBTS) "won" me over.

That said, I do not understand how free will and election work together. I do not understand the why's behind election. I certainly do not think that calvinism or arminianism should cause strife or division among Christians; ESPECIALLY since the bottom line is that both notions could be wrong. We are relying on human logic to determine the Will of God when we hatefully insist that calvinists are right and arminians are wrong.

Personally, I think it's just stupid to think that falliable humans can possibly understand more than is written in Scripture about salvation.

God is Sovereign

So, what was the point of that huge long post about my son.

First, I was prompted to write it after reading an article that said preemies born before 28 weeks gestation are taking up NICU beds that could be used babies who have a greater chance of survival or less of a chance of being disabled.

My response is: All babies, no matter what their gestational age, have a right to prompt and quality medical services. All babies, regardless of their gestational age or disability status have a right to live -- or at least a right to fight for life.

Secondly, my son barely made it to 29 weeks. Remember all the drugs I was on? There was a chance he could have been born at 22 weeks. While I know that viability status is generally conferred upon babies who reach 24 weeks gestation, there are cases where younger babies survived.

Had some doctor tried telling me that my son's bed was needed for another baby and they would not help him because there was no chance or little chance for survival, I might have ended up in jail.

The idea that a disabled child or a child wo is going to be more medically expensive is absolutely disgusting. Thank you pro-choicers for helping society come to the place where our weakest and smallest members are now expendable.

The other reason for that HUGE post was to remind me of God's sovereignty.

Ultimately, it was God's decision as to when we got pregnant. It was God who decided when Eddie was born. And, it was/will be God's timing as to when all those medical bills will finally be paid. (That last one is a rant for another day.)

It would not have mattered if we had been using birth control methods. As our pastor's wife said the other week, "God is in charge of conception." If God could make Sarah get pregnant, as old as she was, surely he can make someone on the pill or using condoms get pregnant -- if HE so desires.

As far as the prematurity... I did everything I was supposed to. In fact, the doctors said my low-lying placenta and polyhydramnios were idiopathic. That means there was no KNOWN cause. Again, that experience, as wretched as it was, was part of God's plan.

The bills... well, He has promised to supply all my needs, so...

The point is that I need to trust him no matter what. Even if I don't trust him, His Will will still be done. It just makes my life a little easier when I trust Him.

He's My Son

This time last year I was 19 weeks pregnant with my son and working a crummy job while living in the absolute worst place on earth (Daytona Beach, FL). I had no clue that the road ahead of me way about to become very bumpy.

From the time I saw the second line on the pregnancy test, I KNEW I was having a son. Later, my cravings confirmed that. I mean no little girl is gonna make her mom crave steak, potatoes, BEER!! and slim jims. Get real!

My mother's intuition wasn't only correct about the gender of my baby though. I knew the whole time that my son would not make it to 40 weeks gestation. I didn't know exactly how early he would be, but I knew he would be early. I always predicted that instead of being born on his due date in October, he would be born in August. I was usually joking when I said that though.

See, August in FL is a horrible time for hellacious thunderstorms. Thunderstorms that scare me enough that I end up in tears. I just knew that the stress from one of those storms would put me into labor.

Anyway... so at 19 weeks gestation, everything was peachy. In fact, at 20 weeks (and on my wedding anniversary) we found out we were having a healthy son. The doctor said everything looked great and she'd see me in a month.

Yeah, I wish it would have been a month before I saw her again.

Let me back up for a minute and say that I had been having braxton hicks contractions since about 12 weeks. The doctor said they were nothing to worry about; and for most women, they aren't anything to worry about.

At 22 weeks I started spotting, but it wasn't a lot or anything that worried me. Then the spotting (WARNING: graphic description) turned bright red and clumpy. I called the doc and left a message with the answering service (it was a Saturday) that I was on my way into the hospital.

My doc was there when we got there and checked me. I was contracting, but not dilating. They determined my placenta was low-lying and gave me a shot of terbutaline. That stuff is no fun, but it was bearable. I also got stuck 4 times while they tried to give me an IV and had to spend the night in the hospital.

The next day I was sent home on modified bedrest. I worked from home and took it easy.

The amazing thing is that my doc was at the hospital that I went to when she never got my message. She just "happened" to be there with another patient.

At 24 weeks gestation I thought to myself, at least now this baby will survive if born today.

At 27 weeks I went back to the doc and my placenta had moved out of the way. I felt great. my braxton hicks contractions had slowed down and I had had no more bleeding.

27 weeks and 5 days, I had a tiny bit of spotting, but it went away. Ed, my dear husband, was talking to his sister on the phone that night. She mentioned that she had a few preemie outfits that she wanted to know if we wanted. Ed told her, "No, as big as Bev is, we aren't going to need any preemie clothes."

As soon as he hung up, I told him that I wasn't going to make it to 40 weeks.

The next day I woke up to a gush of blood. I freaked.

I called the doctor and they had me come in for a checkup. My amniotic fluid was high; a condition called polyhydramnios. They also ran a fetal fibernectin test to determine if my body was gearing up for labor. I had to wait two days for those results.

I was put on STRICT bedrest. I wsa allowed to get up to pee and to eat. That was it.

Thursday afternoon the nurse called and told me that I needed to go directly to Halifax Medical Center because my FFN test had come back positive. They needed to administer steroid shots to develop the baby's lungs in case he did come early.

At that moment, my world crashed in on me. We were living away from all of our friends and family who cared for us. We had no one to turn to. Ed was a student and I was unable to work. And what in the world was going to happen to our baby?

We went to the hospital and checked in. I was given a lovely hospital dinner of some sort of roasted meat, some bland vegetables, a cold potato and some juice. NASTY.

Then they administered the steroid injections. Of course I was hooked up to a fetal monitor and a mommy monitor. They noticed I was contracting about every two minutes and when they checked me, I was dilated to a 1.

They decided to give me the "fun" stuff; magnesium sulfate. Can I just say that I wouldn not wish magnesium sulfate on the most evil person in the world. That stuff is just NASTY!!

Usually they give you a high bolster dose to stop the ctx, and then bring you down to a maintainance dose or 2-4 mg/hr. I was on 8 mg/hr. and still contracting.

Now, I'm not a big person. I was only 140 lbs when I was going through all this. So you can imagine how doped up I was. I could not even speak, let alone roll over. And good gracious, there was no way I wsa getting up to go to the bathroom.

That means I had to have a catheter too. Ummm... OW!!!

Between the catheter, worrying and the nurses coming in every hour I got NO sleep. All night I was begging the nurses to turn down the magnesium. I was so sick.

Remember that tasty meal they served me?

Yeah, I remembered it too around 10:30 that night when... well, I'll spare you the details.

The next day they tested my blood and decided to turn down the mag. THANK GOD!! They took me off of the mag around 5 PM and made me spend the night again. The next day they let me go home. That meant removing the catheter.

Uhhh... double OWWW!!!

When you are worried about pre-term delivery, you don't want to go to the bathroom after having a catheter removed. It's just not pretty or reassuring.

I was still having mild, periodic ctx, so they made me get procardia. Procardia is a blood pressure med that is also used to stop ctx. It also makes you sweat.

Did I mention this took place at the end of July, in FLORIDA.

Yep, they gave a pregnant woman in FL in July a medication that makes her sweat. My poor husband was in long johns because I had the air cranked so high.

Of course, the strict bedrest continued.

The following Tuesday I went to the perinatologist. They told me the baby was fine and that I was dilated to 2. My bag of water was "bulging" and I barely had any lip at all on my cervix. Basically, my son was NOT going to make it ot 40 weeks gestation. They didn't think I'd make it to 32 weeks.

They sent me back home to rest.

Next day I was back at the hospital and back on the mag. Oh joy. I was kind of glad about being in the hospital though.

See, Ed was supposed to have been leaving to go to NC for his National Guard drill that weekend. We knew NO ONE in FL and I didn't want to be home alone and have a premature baby. However, becuase I was in the hospital, he was able to get out of his drill.

The same night I was admitted, they discovered my water was leaking. They kept me on the mag. though, along with antibiotics. The next morning my doctor came to visit me. She said they were turning off the mag. and they expected me to deliver fairly soon after that.

That was Thursday morning. I wsa 29 weeks and 1 day gestation.

Nothing happened all day. As "luck" (used loosely) would have it, my doctor was not on duty that night so if I delivered that night it would be with a stranger looking at me in all my glory.

Did I mention that because of the mag. and bedrest and all, I had not showered in about 2 days. Color me embarrassed.

Around 10 that night the ctx were stronger. They really didn't hurt though. They felt like mild gas pains. I've had "other" cramps worse than that. At any rate te nurse checked me and was shocked to find that I was already 6 cm dilated. She called the doc and the anesthesiologist.

Originally I had planned to go unmedicated, but they said it was a high risk delivery so I needed the epidural. The $1200 epidural didn't work. Yeah, I was a little peeved when I got THAT bill.

The doc came in around midnight and checked me. I was an 8. He left for a bit. While he was gone the NICU nurses came in and set up a station next to my bed. They briefed me about what would happen after my son was born. They told me he would be in the hospital until close to his due date. They said white male children did not fair well at all. White male preemies are often called "wimpy white boys."

I told them they could have my son for no longer than 5 weeks.

Later, the doc came back to finish off my water. I wanted to hurt him so bad for that. My ctx were manageable until the water was broken. I am figuring it was probably around 2:30 AM at that time. The ctx were so close together. I don't think there was longer than a30 second pause between each one.

Around 3 AM I started pushing. At 3:23 AM Eddie was born. He was pink and trying to cry. His cries sounded like a little puppy dog.

His APGAR scores were 6 and 9!!! AMAZING for a 29 weeker. Of course, they rushed him off to the NICU. I didn't get to see him until about 5 that morning.

I had no idea what to expect. In our first picture with him, I'm smiling, but it was fake. I was mad and sad and angry and scared.

Later, I came to see little ways God worked during that whole process. The whole time I kept thinking about Psalm 139. That's how I KNEW Eddie would be okay.

The timing of everything worked out perfectly. Two of my dearest friends from my church in NC got there just in time to help me to completely break down.

Even the time Eddie was born is significant to me. He was born at 3:23 AM. Romans 3:23 says that ALL have sinned and come short of the glory of God. That means that even my son, who is amazing and beautiful and sweet and absolutely adorable, was born under the curse of sin. It's ONLY God's grace that would allow him into heaven should something happen to him now.

We call Eddie our "little sinner." Not because there is anything cute or funny about sin, but because it serves as a good reminder that we are all sinners. Some people have gotten upset with us about that, but they are generally the same people who got upset when I referred to the "unknown" baby in my belly as "Bubba," so their opinions don't bother me too much.

Da Vinci Code

So there's all this hype about the Da Vinci Code.

Christians are mad and non-Christians are mad that Christians are mad and Dan Brown's making a boatload of $$$.

Well maybe not so much sine the movie did not fare well at the theaters.

Why are Christians mad? Hmmm...

I can understand being bothered that someone is spewing blasphemy about Christ. I can understand being upset that people are buying into this book as though it were Scripture. I can even understand being upset that people are suggesting that Christ was married.

Should we be so angry?

I dunno.

The Da Vinci Code does encourage us as Christians to know WHAT we believe and WHY we believe it. That is always a good thing. Once we know those things, we can share with others about the falsehoods in Dan Brown's book.

However, just getting all ticked off and spewing back that Dan Brown is of the devil isn't going to win any non-Christians over. Know what I mean?

Besides, if you believe as I do about salvation, then Dan Brown's book won't hinder those who are going to be saved from being saved. God is in control of everything and even Dan Brown can't surprise God.

All About Mama

Hello. I'm Mama, obviously. I guess I should start out by explaining my title.

You're probably asking from what have I been reformed. Perhaps a better question would be what about me has NOT been reformed.

I was a shy, little girl who took a lot of abuse.
I was a mean person who retaliated in various ways to said abuse.
I was a single woman who mistrusted men.
I was a person who said I would NEVER submit to my husband.
I was a Christian who had turned away from God.
I was Armenian in my views on salvation.
I was a wife who did not want children because they frightened me.

I could go on, but I think you get the idea. I am happy to report that the above statements are no longer true about me. PRAISE GOD! The abuse stopped when I stopped taking it, but that made me mean. Just ask my husband.

My husband didn't even like me when we met -- IN A BAR -- because my disdain for men was so obvious. And why did we meet in a bar? Quite frankly, because people had hurt both of us so much that we decided to take our frustrations out on God by turning away from God.

Once we both got our lives right with our creator and our master, we liked each other a little more.

Our goals were completely different though. He wanted to move to the middle of nowhere and I wanted to move to the heart of the inner city and minister there. We weren't married though at that time. We really could have ended up chasing our dreams. Fortunately for us, God had other plans.

We ended up married and I ended up a (gasp) SUBMISSIVE wife. Imagine that.

In the 4 years that we have been married we have both converted to the calvinist view of salvation and we have had a child. Who woulda thunk it?

So what I am saying is that virtually EVERYTHING I once thought about myself and about the world around me has been reformed; or should I say transformed. Your know, the whole Romans 12:1-2 thing about being transformed by the renewing of your mind.

This transformation has affected every inch of my being; from how I parent the child I was scared to have, to how I treat my husband, to how I witness to the lost. I can honestly say that I don't believe there is a such thing as a partial reformation or transformation.

Think about it, if you have a pile of legos arranged in the shape of a heart and you move one little lego, the whole shape changes.

I gotta run. I know that's a quick ending, but I'll be back for more late.

Much love.