re·form: (r-fôrm) v. re·formed, re·form·ing, re·forms v. tr. 1. To improve by alteration, correction of error, or removal of defects; put into a better form or condition. 2. To cause (a person) to give up harmful or immoral practices; persuade to adopt a better way of life.
ma·ma or mam·ma also mom·ma: n. (also m-mä) Informal. Mother.


Just Let Me Have My chapstick

Okay, this is gonna be a vent of sorts. I'm not angry I just find certain things highly amusing and not really useful.

We are flying on Saturday to San Diego. Being the good little citizen that I am, I decided to check the TSA's website to make sure the I did not pack anything in the diaper bag that would get confiscated. I had already called the airline and they said babyfood would be okay as long as it was still sealed.

Anyway... the list only annoyed me. Why? Passengers are allowed to carry the following items on board:

corkscrew -- Can't that be deadly?
scissors shorter than 4" -- that could hurt.
tools and screwdrivers less than 7" in length -- uhhh... a screwdriver would surely hurt if shoved into my stomach or something like that.
and personal lubricants up to 4 oz. -- unless you plan on joining the Mile High Club (which is illegal), why would you need personal lubricant on the plane.

But I can't carry on my shampoo or CHAPSTICK! Grrrr! Shampoo; eh fine. I'll check it. Chapstick though, I am addicted. It is a MUST have. How will I survive the 5-6 hours of travel without access to my chapstick, especially with that dry air on the plane. It baffles me that personal lubricant is allowed on a plane, but chapstick is not. Perhaps I'll try to tell security that my Blistex is my personal lubricant. I do need it to keep my mouth moist. I doubt they'll buy that though.

This is all in the name of safety, right? Yeah, whatever. TSA, GW Bush, the National Guard, The Navy Seals, none of them can guarantee our safety. I don't think we should be all footloose and fancy-free when travelling, but let's be realistic when we make restrictions regarding what is and isn't allowed on a plane.

Screwdrivers and corkscrews are much more dangerous than chapstick and personal lubricant is really not necessary on a plane. So just let me take my stinkin' chapstick on the plane.


One of THOSE People

I'm one of *those* people. You knowl the ones who write all over their Bibles.

When I was growing up the church I attended taught that the Bible 1. HAD to be King James version, or you'd go to Hell and 2. should never be desecrated with notes or scribbles or anything.

I've defied both of those rules in my old age. I use the NASB -- I believe that translation to be closest to the original text. The King James Version was written to provide the common people during *that* time with access to the Scriptures. Why shouldn't we have a version containing modern day language?


I also scribble (write) in my Bible. My writing often resembles scribble more than anything else, so... I underline things, jot notes in the borders of the pages and use the harder pages in the front and back of my Bible as note pages. Why waste paper? :)

Every once ina while something in the notes will catch my eye and remind me of some truth I had heard but forgotten. Sunday I had such an experience. Notes from two separate ocassions stood out to me.

Note 1 said, "God opposes the prideful. Maybe you are being opposed so that you won't be so independent." Ummm... OUCH!

Pride and independence are probably my absolute biggest struggles. I have my guesses as to why that is, but I'll spare you the gory details. Just Friday I was thinking (whining, lamenting, whining some more) about how I hate our financial status right now and how I swore I'd never end up broke and blah blah blah. I was even trying to figure a way to work and keep Eddie with me. Silly me.

I *knew* beyond a shadow of a doubt when Eddie was born that I needed to be at home (or at teh hospital) with him. However, I was terrified of not having insurance or a roof over our heads or whatever. So, in my natural, sinful, stubborn, prideful, independent state I attempted to work from home in between pumping milk and visiting the hospital and trying to figure out how we were going to pay the astonomical hospital bills.

Suddenly my remote connection to work was no longer working and no one at the office could figure out why, much less fix the problem. So, I was out of that job. I was okay though because I was using my Mac to do some freelance design work. I had a few decent-sized jobs lined up. Wouldn't you know that my Mac died completely too. Utterly dead. I had no way at all to work.

Funny how that happened. Our bills were still paid though and I was much happier being able to spend more time with our son. I shoulda learned this lesson the first time. So, seeing that note on Sunday reminded me that I need to do what I know I need to do and stop trying to play God.

Note #2 said, "The crucified man can only look in one direction, he can not go back and he has no plans of his own."

Well, I reckon that means I should stop trying to plan out every detail of my life and just (to borrow a phrase from Lindsey) enjoy the journey.

My will doesn't really matter and only seems to cause trouble -- I am a redhead afterall. If I am obedient, the rest will fall into place according to HIS will. Sometimes that may stink for me, but it will be worth it in the end -- according to 1 Peter and Job 23:10.


First, I must tell you that I am convinced Pastor is reading my blog. He mentioned on Sunday that people had said that he had been reading their mail after they heard his Peace Speaker sermon. Now, the only way he'd know *that* is if he read *my* blog right? Just kidding. I'm not that self-centered.

Friday I just moped around. Pathetic, I know. Saturday was a new day though and I woke up a little refreshed. I found cheap tickets online one way to San Diego. That's where the car that Ed's grandma is giving us is. So I booked those. We leave this Saturday morning -- EARLY! We'll spend a few days in San Diego, then drive up to Salt Lake City to see Ed's dad. Then we'll head back East.

Yeah, we are gonna drive acros the country with a 13 month old. I think my hubby is on crack too, but I love him anyway.

We figured we should get the car now while he has no responsibility to a job and since the tickets were so cheap.

Then I was social. I know, can you believe it? We cooked out with our upstairs neighbor and their 18 month old son. It was fun.

Sunday was church and then we went to a friend's house. Ed has been friends with this guys since waaayyyyy before I knew him.

Last night though, I got a bug up my rear and was determined to find a job for Ed. I searched online and found a directory of airlines. Some of them are small airlines, some are charter companies and some are cargo companies. They are located all over the nation. VERY good resource.

I sent Ed about a thousand emails with links for jobs he should apply for so he spent today sending out resumes. The owner of one of the regional airlines called Ed back today. He was not very friendly though.

Later we decided what Ed's going to do. Forget waiting on a pilot job. He's going to do a voluntary deployment in VA for 6 months (at least). That's not too far away, so we can visit often. There is a small flight school on base there so Ed can instruct there in his off-duty time. And the pay for deployment is really good. He'll make enough to cover all our bills and to pay for a good chunk of flight time. And that's not even taking into consideration the fact that he is up for a promotion in rank with the NG that will bump his pay up another $400-500 a month.

So, that's where we are. It will stink being separated from him for so long. It will REALLY stink being a single mom for so long. BUT, he can visit and we can visit and this is only temporary.


I Should Just Go Back To Bed

and start today all over again. Maybe then today wouldn't be sucha crummy day.

First, there was the whole thing about Ed not going to the border.
Then, we found out that there are very few choices for other deployments for him (unless he goes to Iraq).
Then there was no cereal for breakfast.
Then, the dryer was giving me fits.
Then, I went grocery shopping. When I got home my car was surrounded by yellow jackets. I am deathly allergic to bee stings of any kind. I had to have my neighbor bring my groceries in for me.
Then, Eddie was nappng, but the lawn guys started up their weedeaters and mowers and trimmers right next to the window, waking Eddie up.

Most of that is small stuff, but I'm not in the mood. I htink tonight's dinner should be Heavenly Hash Ice Cream and some potato chips. That should make me feel better.

I'm such a pathetic whiner.

Is My Pastor a Fortune Teller?

Last Sunday when Pastor was preaching on peace and all that jazz he posed the question, "What are you going to do when it's the last second and that thing your were counting on to carry you through falls through and you lose everything?" (my paraphrase).

I kinda laughed at that part because Ed and I made some investments with Ed's brother and I've kinda (maybe not just kinda) been holdin out hope for those to pay off. These investments will pay off big when they pay off, but it's a wait game.

Ed's brother is the smarty pants when it comes to that sort of stuff, but so far the only answer he's given us is, "be patient."

Yeah right.

Anyway... I have just decided to not even think about those investments. In my mind, they will never pay off. That's why I chuckled at Pastor's question. I thought THAT was a perfect example of what he was talking about. I really did NOT need to see an even more accurate example of what Pastor was talking about. Really.

Apparently though, God thought I needed another lesson in this whole trust thing though; one that would hit even closer.

While Ed's job officially ends tomorrow, his employer had said that he would have 2-3 weeks after the business closed to finish up training his students. Of course, that meant that Ed would get paid for that time. Well, the employer changed his mind or lied because the planes will no longer be available after tomorrow.

Yeah, don't even ask about what I have to say to Ed's boss. It's not pretty and certainly not Christian.

So that was hit #1.

Hit #2 came this morning. Ed has been waiting to hear back from his National Guard Unit about deploying down to the border. Ed could go there for a month and make enough money for 2 months worth of bills. He has been playing phone tag. Everything wit the military is hurry up and wait. Really, it is.

Anyway, it appears that his request did not get put in in time by the full-time person at his unit. That means Ed is not going to the border. That means he is completely unemployed except for the 1 weekend a month that the Guard requires. And let me tell you, that doesn't pay much.

Ed was offered the chance to go overseas to provide support for Operation Iraqi Freedom.

So now we wait. What else can we do? I know Philippians 4 commands us to be anxious for nothing, but I'm having a bit of a hard time with that today. I've even got the pit in my tummy and the loss of appetite to prove it.

Me thinks I should stop listening to Pastor. Perhaps then he will stop gettin' all in my business. LOL!

Just kidding.


That's Eddie's new nickname. Why?

Well, he doesn't crawl. Wants NO part of being on his belly. He WANTS to walk, but hasn't got the balance thing down yet. He's determined to be mobile though, so he scoots.

He'll scoot down the hall, across the floor, on the couch, on the bed... IF he sees something he wants. If there's nothing he wants; forget it.

He won't scoot to me unless I have food in my hand. Sure knows how to make a mom feel loved. HA!

He'll be fully mobile soon enough. He's been trying to pull up for a while. He could get about half-way up before and then he kind of got stuck trying to figure out how to move his legs. Tonoght he got all that figured out just fine... in the bathtub. Silly boy wants to give momma a heart attack, but won't give her any love unless she's got a Cheeto in her hand.


Cleanin' House

Okay, not really. Tonight I've been cleaning out my computer. BOY, did it need that!

Half the time I get in a hurry so I save stuff to my desktop, always with the intention of filing it in the appropriate place later. Yeah, right! There were duplicated photos and documents, tons of files from my old job and just lots of plain old junk. Not anymore though. Everything of mine is cleaned out and organized -- just the way it should be.

It was interesting going through all this stuff though. I found old designs of t-shirts and brochures and magazine layouts that I had created. Some were nice, others... not so nice. I also stumbled upon a ton -- literally -- of stuff I had written or started to write.

I found everything from short stories, to magazine articles to Bible lessons. Lindsey, Ieven found my notes from that lesson a few years ago -- the one on submission. LOL!

Every few years I seem to stumble onto a mess of stuff I've written and I'm reminded that I really do love writing -- even if I'm not that good at it.

I know my internet writing is rarely correct in terms of grammar and sometimes my word choice is less than "professional," but this is the internet. Know what I mean?

Anyway... It was fun to look over some of that stuff.


My Son, The Drama King

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
This was taken this evening after I caught Eddie faking sleep. Daddy gave him rides through the house on the back of his dumptruck in hopes of tiring the boy out. Lol!

I was going to blog about my anxiety. I read Lindsey's blog though and had decided to just sort of expand on that. However, my son is much more entertaining than my whining about anxiety, so I've decided to blog about him.

I've decided my son is an absolute turkey. He's definitely all boy. When I was pregnant I knew I was having a boy even before my sonogram. I craved "man foods" like steak, potatoes, slim jims, and beer. I have never ever ever enjoyed slammin' back a cold one. Beer tastes like what I would imagine pee to taste like. So, the fact that I was craving a beer kind of sealed it in my mind that Eddie was a boy.

When I found out for sure that Eddie was a boy, I had no idea what I was going to do. I've never been a boy and I don't know what boys like. Now, I wouldn't have it any other way. Afterall, if we were to have a girl, we'd be surrounded by pink stuff and that just is scary.

Eddie has certainly lived up to everything I expected a boy to be. He squirted poop all over me while he was still living in the incubator at the hospital. He's an adrenaline junkie. He loves to be flipped upside down and rough housed. He's determined and stubborn and fun. Try scheduling anything for the boy and he will do just the opposite of what you want him to do. He can't walk or crawl, but you can bet your bippy that he will scoot to you for a piece of food.

Now all of that is well and good. It just makes living with him all that much more entertaining. There is one thing I did not expect to have to deal with and that's the fact that the boy is an absolute drama king! Seriously.

He fakes coughing to get attention or something. He has even been known to fake a cry. I know he's faking because he stops at the drop of a hat. When he's fed something he doesn't want, he puts on this face that would make you think you just gave him a dog turd. Now, he's figured out how to get his food out of his mouth and over to the dog without me being able to tell that's what he's doing until it's too late.

Tonight though, the boy completely surprised me with his ability to fake sleep. Yep, you read that right. He can fake sleeping. He had been in bed about 45 minutes or so when he started to cry. Of course we went to check on him. I laid down next to him to nurse him back to sleep. Then he decided to play games.

Eddie wrapped his arms around my arm so that I could not get out of bed without disturbing him. Pretty smart, huh? Then, when he unlatched, I caught him a few times looking up at me to see if I was awake or not. When he saw that I was watching him, he closed his eyes real quick.

Every now and then he'd let out a little babble. Then he decided to roll over onto his stomach. When he did that he turned his head away from me. After a few minutes of him facing the other way he'd pop up and look at me and grin. Then he'd roll over and pretend to sleep again for another few minutes. After a few minutes of that I just let him get up. If I'm not tired I can't sleep, so why should I try to make Eddie sleep if he's not tired. Know what I mean?

Ed and Eddie played around a little bit and now Eddie is nursing off to dreamland -- I hope. I didn't have a clue what to expect with a boy and I was a little apprehensive about having a boy, but I wouldn't change it for all the world. He keeps me on my toes.

Drive By

Today I intend to:

  • design 28 hole sponsor signs for our church's golf tournament -- providing computer cooperates.
  • vacuum
  • make dinner
  • clean my bathroom
  • empty catbox
  • take out the trash
  • do dishes
  • go to bank
  • read
  • *maybe* sew

Still no "getting out" goals. Hmmm... Maybe I will look for some local moms groups online. The church up the road has a moms thing on Thursday mornings. Perhaps I will visit that this week.


Goals Update

Well, I kinda am failing at the social thing. Seriously. I didn't even answer my phone a few times (the only three times it rang over the past three days) because I am feeling rather ANTI-social. Not good. In my defense though, I absolutely HATE talking on the phone.

I'm doin' pretty okay with the reading thing. I'm finishing a book I started well over a year ago.*blush*

Housework... ehhh, so so. Ed's been home a lot the past few days so when he's home I focus on him and the kiddo.

I should do baby steps.

Tomorrow my mini-goals are:
  • Read one or two chapters in my book.
  • Vacuum
  • Clean my bathroom
  • Empty catbox
  • Make dinner -- not hoagies or pizza We are having homemade chili mac.
  • Wash the cat and dog

I'll spend the in-between time with Eddie. I know I should have a "social" goal on there, but everyone else works or is busy with their own kids and I really don't want to impose. Perhaps I should look for a playgroup or something. Ideas?

Pastor Must Read My Blog

And after he read my blog, he ate my lunch while stepping all over my toes.

And if Pastor doesn't read my blog (which I seriously doubt he does), then I would have to say that God must be trying to get something through my thick skull.

Why do I say that?

First of all, my last post in my blog was written after having had similar (completely random) conversations with three people during that same day.

Then this morning when we got to church I happened to looked through Ed's Bible. There was a note in there from the church we attended in FL. The note said, "Not know the future, No need to... Hebrews 11." Go read Hebrews 11. That's some good stuff.

There's a whole list of people who lived by faith and, according to verse 13, they had not received the things they were promised by the time they died. They saw them from a distance and admitted that they were strangers and aliens on Earth.

I thought, "Hmmm... interesting. Seems I was blogging about this the other day."

Then Pastor spoke -- after his wife sang The Peace Speaker. He spoke from Mark 4 -- the portion where he and the disciples are on the boat and a storm arises. Pastor specifically commented about how when we are in the midst of a storm (or in the valley) we tend to long for Heaven. Yeah, I thought the same thing -- "Pastor must have read my blog."

Later he was talking about when there's some bill looming over us and we have until 7 AM the next morning to pay for whatever it is or they are coming to take it away or whatever. He said, "It's real great when the night before a fellow Christian walks up to you and says, 'Brother, I sense there's a need. How much do you need?'" And the bill is taken care of.

Then he asked, "What are you gonna do when 8 AM the next morning rolls around and the bill hasn't been paid?" He suggested that we trust God to take care of all our needs -- even when we can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. (That's the Bev paraphrase.)

And I don't even think he knows about Ed's student loan that comes due NEXT SUNDAY!!!! Or the fact that in a matter of just 2 weeks or so, Ed is jobless. Or that we have NO clue where to step next.

So, my only conclusion is that God is once again trying to get something through my thick skull. The sad thing is that the mesage is one that I *know* and even one that I've shared on here several times... "TRUST GOD."

Boy do I feel like an idiot.


I Heard It Said Once

I heard it said once that when life gets rough and our health starts to fail and life just puts us through the ringer that perhaps those trials are part of the Holy Spirit prying our hands off this world, thus making us long for Heaven all that much more.

I suppose that if I look at 1 Peter where it talks about our sufferings making us worthy of the Kingdom, then I can see some possible biblical support for the statement. I bet I could find other Scriptures to support the idea too. I don't tend to look for Scriptures to support my ideas though. I usually try to make my ideas line up with Scripture.

At any rate, I gotta say, I like that statement. I do think that at times it is easy for us to get so caught up in this world and in the trials that we face that we forget where HOME is. And sometimes a trial or a journey in the wilderness is just what we need to remind us of our citizenship.

The past two years (and counting) have seemed/seem like a never-ending walk in some lonely desert, complete with scorpions, rattlesnakes and vultures flying overhead. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever make it to the Land of Milk and Honey. Sometimes I just seem to wander aimlessly, searching for some glimmer of hope. And sometimes I feel like just sitting down and letting the vultures peck out my eyeballs.

Right now we are wandering aimlessly. Our hands are tied concerning just about every one of the situations we are facing. We can only sit and wait and hope.

We are tired though. We need fresh water and a cool place to rest. We need to know that there aren't really any giants waiting to defeat us in the Land of Milk and Honey. We know that provisions will be made for us, that's not our concern. Our concern isn't necessarily even getting to the Land of Milk and Honey *right now.* We just need to know where to step next. We trust there will be a spring of fresh water there -- just show us that step.

In the meantime... this desert has me longing for HOME like nobody's business. Won't it be nice when there is no more wilderness or vultures or scorpions? To be honest, I don't even care about streets of gold or diamonds in the walls. It'll be nice just to be with DAD always. Know what I mean?


I've Been Cursed

with a son who is JUST EXACTLY LIKE ME!

What's scarier is that Eddie has the personality traits that belong to Ed and to me. I admit, I am very, very, extremely stubborn. I get it honest. You've heard me mention my grandma, right? What's funny -- or not -- is that God paired me with a husband who is at least as stubborn as I am, if not moreso. And then, it would seem that God has blessed us with a son who appears to have inherited that trait.

This is gonna be a "fun" ride.

Let me give you a few examples of Eddie's personality.

First of all, before he was even born, he would give me fits. When I was in the hospital, drugged outta my wits on mag sulfate, Eddie would play hide and seek with the monitor. The nurses told me that usually the mag sulfate relaxes the babies too so they are not as active. Not Eddie. He was all over the place.

When he was in the NICU there were many times when I was holding him for a feed and the monitors would start to go off. He looked okay, but the nurses would have to come and check on him anyway. I cannot even begin to count the times when Eddie would smile *just* as the nurse got there. Seriously. It was as if even at that age he knew what he was doing.

The first time he ate food that was not breastmilk, he STOLE the spoon from me and shoved it into his mouth. He got mad if I tried to take the spoon. He got mad if I tried to help him. He got mad if there was no more food on the spoon. He wanted to feed himself and no one was going stop him.

His latest trick also involves food. He eats a lot of table food, but some pureed food too. He is not a picky eater. I could feed him something from the catbox and he'd probably eat it. He likes to eat.

Lately I'll offer him a variety of foods. It will be something like chicken, cheerios, cheese, green beans (pureed), pear dices, etc... Those are all foods he like just fine. He's decided though that if I put something on the spoon and feed it to him, he is going to spit it into his hand and feed it to himself. Why? Probably because HE wants to do it. Nevermind that there is a ton of finger foods right in front of him that he is ignoring.

What's funnier is that if I hold his hands so he can't take his food out of his mouth, he chews it like a nice young boy and smiles at me.

And, one minute the chicken is fine and the next, he's refusing to eat it. Why? because he can.

It's comical and not all at the same time. I mean how could I not laugh at this? Then I think about how he's gonna try me in the future and I get scared.

For now though, I'll just laugh that I have a son who appears to be just what my parents always wished on me -- someone just like me.

You KNOW It's A God Thing When

your husband's company is closing down, causing him to work fewer and fewer hours as the final days of the business approach, which of course means less pay, BUT the bank account somehoe keeps increasing.

Go figure. And no, no one has made any "special" or mystery deposits. Everything is in order, but we have more money than we did -- even though we have paid bills and even splurged a tiny bit on Monday.

Funny how that works.


I Keep Thinkin'

about my mom.

I wish I knew where she was and if she was okay. I feel like I am trapped. I can't help her. I need to help her.

She has always called on birthdays and the like. Not this year. I turned 31 and she didn't email or anything.

I don't even know how to look for her right now. She could literally be anywhere. Most likely she is still in Pinellas County, FL. But where? Clearwater, St. Pete?

Is she working? Does she have a place to live? Is she being abused? Is she alive?

And there is absolutely NO way (that I know of) to find the answers to these questions. She "disappeared" on her own -- even gave warning. So I can't file a missing person's report.

If she did become homeless (which would not surprise me), the liklihood of the authorities being able to find and identify her -- dead or alive -- is slim.

I could call around to all the facilities in Pinellas county where she *might* have gotten a job, but that could literally be any restaurant or any nursing home or any cleaning agency or any hotel... you get the idea.

It's not fair. It makes me mad. If I can't have a normal relationship with my mom, then dang it, I should at least be able to know if she is alive or not.

I know I've gone on about this before. It's one of the many things that keeps me up at night. :sigh:

Settin' Me Some Goals

I need me some goals. I 've gotten slack since becoming a mom. Eddie is a GREAT excuse for not cleaning the bathroo, emptying the catbox, reading, etc...

Now, don't get me wrong, there are certainly days when Eddie just needs me and I am absolutely cannot get anything done, but those days are far fewer than I let on. ;)

My goals will be general, not very specific. Getting specific can also be an excuse for me to procrastinate. Are you seeing the theme here? I am a HORRIBLE procrastinator. When I was in college I used to clean my dorm room in an effort to put off studying.

So... here are my very general goals:

Read more. I usta could read a whole novel in one day, now I am lucky if I read a novel a year.

Be more social. I am turning into a hermit crab. I like people, but I am kinda shy and I stink at initiating get-togethers and the like. And the fact that I HATE talking on the phone doesn't help me plan any outings.Because I hav virtually no interaction with real, live people aside from Ed and Eddie, I am turning into a crotchety old crab.

Make more of an effort to tend to the house and cook better meals.

Now, let's see if I actually do any of these things.


Signs of the Times

This site is kind of a scary read. Let me pull a few things from it for you.

In offering this vision, we declare ourselves to be part of an
interdependent, global community. We stand with people of
every racial, gender
and sexual identity, in the United States and
throughout the world, who are
working day-to-day – often in harsh political
and economic circumstances – to
resist the structural violence of poverty,
racism, misogyny, war, and
repression, and to build an unshakeable
foundation of social and economic
justice for all, from which authentic
and recognition of global human
rights can at long last

Sounds great, right? I mean who doesn't want justice for all and world peace? Too bad the peace and justice this site calls for is based upon false beliefs and the idea that there are no absolute wrongs (aside from conservative christianity).

For example, who among us seriously will argue that the following kinds of
households are less socially, economically, and spiritually worthy?

  • Senior citizens living together, serving as each other’s caregivers,
    partners, and/or constructed families
  • Adult children living with and caring for their parents
  • Grandparents and other family members raising their children’s (and/or a
    relative’s) children
  • Committed, loving households in which there is more than one conjugal
  • Blended families
  • Single parent households
  • Extended families (especially in particular immigrant populations) living
    under one roof, whose members care for one another
  • Queer couples who decide to jointly create and raise a child with another
    queer person or couple, in two households
  • Close friends and siblings who live together in long-term, committed,
    non-conjugal relationships, serving as each other’s primary support and
  • Care-giving and partnership relationships that have been developed to
    provide support systems to those living with HIV/AIDS

Marriage is not the only worthy form of family or relationship, and
it should not be legally and economically privileged above all others. While we
honor those for whom marriage is the most meaningful personal ­– for some,
also a deeply spiritual
– choice, we believe that many other kinds of
kinship relationship, households, and families must also be accorded

I will argue, on the basis of Scripture, that about half of those entities DO NOT qualify as families. Nice trick though, trying to confuse homosexality, bi-sexuality and "swinging" with good, wholesome family values and ideals.

I realize this group is *supposedly* trying to make insurance available to more people, but I believe that's just a side tactic they are using to force *us* into accepting deviant lifestyles as normal and wholesome. I mean, we wouldn't want to deny the single mom insurance would we?

OF COURSE NOT! And I don't think she can be denied insurance, but she surely is listed right up there with the homosexuals and swingers who can't get insurance.

Do they think we are stoooopid? Don't answer that.

The Right’s anti-LGBT position is only a small part of a much broader
conservative agenda of coercive, patriarchal marriage promotion
that plays out
in any number of civic arenas in a variety of ways ­ – all of which
disproportionately impact poor, immigrant, and people-of-color
communities. The purpose is not only to enforce narrow, heterosexist
definitions of marriage and coerce conformity, but also to slash to the bone
governmental funding for a wide array of family programs, including childcare,
healthcare and reproductive services, and nutrition, and transfer
responsibility for financial survival to families themselves

Yep, that's right. The Right seriously wants to harm people. Get real. I am willing to bet that just as many conservatives give charitably as do liberals. And what's that last line... we want to transfer financial responsibility to families. OH! The Horror!

Maybe we want to do that because our govt. fouls up every social program it touches. Maybe we want to do that because we really want to empower people... not strip them down to nothing where they have no choice BUT to lean on the govt. (and thus be forever indebted to whatever the govt. says).

Finally... they say:

We believe LGBT movement strategies must not only democratize recognition and
benefits but also speak to the widespread hunger for authentic and just

Did you catch that second-to-last word, "just." Yeah, right. I am sure that the number of sins listed above should be treated JUSTLY by being awarded insurance and other benefits that are paid for by those of us who are trying to live "just" lives. I bet that's EXACTLY what God thinks.

Yeah, this was a huge rant. I am tired of being labeled as hateful because i believe in right and wrong. I am tired of the left trying to deceive good people by using slick language and feel-good ushy-gushy emotions. It's high time we conservatives started using our brains and thinking about what we vote for and about who is trying to pass legislation. Then, we must vote accordingly.



Hust to clarify... I really want to re-iterate that i don't think there is anything wrong with VBS or AWANA or anything like that. I just don't intend on them being more than a supplement to what i teach my kids at home.

A Good Day

Today has been a good day. Why?

1. Ed let me sleep in.
2. Ed went to get my breakfast this morning.
3. Ed has changed all but 1 diaper today.
4. Ed and Eddie gave me the Wilton Cake Decorating Kit.
5. Ed bought me the new Selah CD. WOWSERS!!! It is an amazing CD.
6. I heard from two old friends.
7. Ed is cooking dinner on the grill tonight.
8. My very good friend is moving to another HUGE farm.
9. Same friend will be renting out her current home (in the country on a small farm) and we *could* end up renting it. Someone else has already asked about it, so they will get first dibs, but it could still work out in our favor.
10. I haven't had to clean a thing today.

So yep, it's been a very good day. Now to get rid of this stupid headache.

Makin' A Cake

Today Ed and I are going to make a cake. I'm even gonna attempt to decorate it with my...

NEW Wilton Cake Decorating Kit!

HA! I wonder how this will turn out. It'll be fun anyway.

Fad Christianity

Challies has a great post today on the trends within Christianity and how the outside world views those trends.

I was just thinking about this yesterday. I had heard the comment that if I punished my child by not letting them attend various church functions that I would be hindering them from coming to know Christ and from growing in their faith. I disagree.

Let me just say that while I think AWANA and Sunday School and stuff are fine, they are only meant to be a supplement to what Ed and I teach our child(ren) at home. Period. End of story.

If my child does something worthy of punishment that would include him not being allowed to do things such as camping with the youth group or ice skating or even youth camp, then that will be his punishment and I will not sit in condemnation over it.

Likewise, it is quite probable that Eddie will attend VBS at some point in his life. I have no problem with that. And should he make a profession of faith at VBS, I will be thrilled, but cautiously so. He will not be getting baptized two days after his profession of faith. I will want to know that he fully understands his decision and that the choice to be baptized isn't being influenced by the fact that all his buddies are also getting baptized.

I don't mean to bash VBS or anything like that -- not at all. I just think that the parents should be the main spiritual influences in the child's life. Know what I mean? I think we run the risk of giving too many children (and adults) "fire insurance" when we baptize them without having seen proof of God's working in their lives.

Anyway... I'm sure I will be bashed for this, but I firmly believe that parents are to lead their children spiritually.


What Happened to My Summer?

Ummm... it's August and my air conditioner has been off since yesterday and it only got to 70 degrees inside today. WHAT happened to my summer?

The other day, when it was still incredibly hot outside, I noticed some of the leaves had already started to fall off of a few trees. It kind of made me happy.

The change of the seasons is better than any actual season; well except for when it's changing from fall to winter. Winter is just no fun.

But when winter changes to spring
and you can see little sprigs of green popping out here and there
and every now and then you hear the a bird singing...
Or when spring changes to summer
and you can smell the fresh cut grass (then sneeze)
and the lightening bugs come out
and days go on forever
and fresh fruits and veggies absolutely delight your tastebuds...
Or my favorite...
when the days start to shrink ever so slightly
and the wind feels just a tiny bit different
and the sunsets look different -- more colorful
and there is a crispness in the evening that warns you that winter is not long off
and every now and then you catch a whiff of a fireplace...

Ahhh... it's Heaven!

I realize it's a bit too early to be excited about the change of this season, but the unseasonably cool weather has me excited.

Perhaps this fall we will get to go to the mountains to pick fresh apples and drink fresh cider. I know I am looking forward to the fresh sausage and ham (even more evidence that I am a southerner). I hold hope that with the change of seasons will come easier times for us and for many of our friends.

And I hope that winter never gets here.;)


Such A Nerd

I am a complete nerd. I have to KNOW as much as I can about any given subject, well except for physics and mechanics.

Ed can tell you that I have literally cried when he has tried to explain how a plane flies or how an engine works or air lift. Those things make absolutely NO sense to me. I get frustrated and I cry. Pathetic, huh?

BUT give me poetry, a classic novel, medical information, a phonebook or even a dictionary to read and I will gobble it up. Sometimes, even just knowing what's around me and what resources I have available -- even if I may never ever need them -- is enough to send me on a mission.

Today I went on one such mission.

While I am concerned that if I ever get pregnant again I could have to deal with pre-term labor and another NICU baby, I do usually try to think positively. I try to reassure myself that there was no medical reason for the difficulties I had last time, so therefore they will not happen again.

But, that concern is always in the back of my mind.

Couple that with the INSANE baby fever that I have right now and I had no choice but to find out where the nearest NICUs are located. Our city's hospital doesn't have one. Lucky me. I discovered that the cities immediately to the west and to the east of where I live both have lare NICU facilities.

To the east there is Women's Hospital with a 37-bed NICU facility. This is a level III NICU. When we were in FL we were in a level II NICU.

To the west there is Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center, which happens to be affiliated with Brenner's Children's Hospital. Brenner's is a level IV NICU -- that's the highest level of care available.

That puts my mind at ease -- not that we will be needing the NICU again -- just knowing that I won't have to drive for two hours each way every time I want to see any child that I could have that could possibly end up a NICU baby.

See. Pathetic, right?

Freedom, Security and Terrorists

So yesterday I ranted about how I think measures that are being taken at airports are being taken to the extreme.

I still think that, but let me clarify. I do not think that being safe is a bad thing. Being paranoid, however, is a horrible thing.

Ed works at a rather large regional airport. He is a flight instructor there until the end of the month. I can tell you without a doubt that if I wanted to, I could fairly easily gain access to places that most would hope were "secure."

Sure, there is a fence around the "sensitive" areas of the airport, but if someone was determined enough, a little bit of barbed wire would not stop the terrorist.

And yes, Ed does have a name badge that allows him access to these "sensitive" areas, but as a former graphic designer, I can tell you with certainty that the name badge would be EASY PEASY to fake. Besides that, no one checks them anyway.

I could go on and on and on. My point is that scanning passengers, strip-searching them, taking away all their belongings and handcuffing them to the seat will not stop the terrorists.

Bob pointed out to me that Israel has super tight security on it's airlines and they've yet to have an incident. AWESOME! How much of that has to do though with them being God's chosen nation vs. the tight security they have in place? I don't know the answer to that question. But I do think it is worth pondering.

I guess what I am getting at is that thinking these security measures are going to save us all is just not wise. They are far from being full-proof. There are lots of ways to get around them.

In some cases, these measures may do more harm than good. These security measures will continue to help bring down the airline industry because people are not going to want to fly (and some of that will be due to fear, some due to annoyance). The employment of more people working for the TSA will just suck out all that much more money from our already broke government. And on and on it will go.

Perhaps if we did our best to keep security in check without going overboard and taking granny's knitting needles or the babys diaper cream and put some of our trust in God instead of in our government, things would be different.

I dunno though... those are just my thoughts.


Not Running Scared

No doubt you've heard about the thwarted terrorist plan to blow up planes.

Our terror alert system has been upgraded to "Ernie" (orange). Ya know, aside from them being more stringent at airports and at the military bases, I really have no clue what the point of this color code system is for the general public.

We can no longer take a bottle of water on a plane. We must drink our baby's formula to prove that it's formula. We can't even carry a small carry-on bag anymore. Guess that means we should carry our tampons, diapers and our breast pads in our hands.

But this is the land of the free?!

I'm sorry, but I do not intend to live in fear. Stopping thirsty passengers from taking their water on the plane will not stop terrorists. Searching little old ladies and taking their finger nail files or their knitting needles won't stop the terrorists. Continuing to strip our freedoms as Americans and invading our privacy in the name of safety will not stop the terrorists. It may make a few Americans a little upset though.

Yes, keep tabs on KNOWN terrorists. Be alert and pay attention. But don't take away the very thing that the terrorists are trying to take away.

When the govt. intervenes as it has, it is doing precisely what the terrorists desire; making our country like theirs. That can NOT be a good thing.



I still don't know where my mom is. I have heard nothing from her since February aside from a few weird emails. I get no responses to my emails and I have no other way to contact her.

That makes me mad and sad and hurt all at the same time.

With Eddie's birthday and with my birthday coming up, I keep thinking about my mom. Surely she would call or write or SOMETHING. Wouldn't she?

Obviously she hasn't. And my hands are tied. There is NOTHING I can do at this point.

Yet, while this is a sad situation and while by the world's standards, I probably do have every right to be angry, I can't really be angry because I know God is sovereign.

BooMama posted today about a conversation that spun off from one of her previous posts on God's sovereignty. A reader had popped in and mentioned that she was angry with God because of the abuse she had endured. Another reader had shared how she was able to overcome that same anger through God's love.

I can so relate to both of them. I spent my high school years and my college years anger and bitter. The world was out to get me and I wasn't going to let it. I had been abused sexually by my grandfather at the age of five. My mom verbally and physically abused us and my dad was never there. Then when I started dating, the first guy I really dated (Chris) treated me like dirt. He never hit me, but he made me feel like the absolute scum of the Earth. Then the second guy I dated (Jason) threatened to kill me several times.

First, I thought I deserved what I got. Then, I got angry. If God wasn't going to protect me, I'd protect myself. I shut everyone out. I thought that would make everything better. I thought that by shutting everyone out I was demonstrating my strength and my "health."

Boy was I wrong! It wasn't until my grandpa, the same one who abused me, got sick with cancer that I understood forgiveness and grace. Somehow, God gave me the strength to help my grandpa in his last days. God gave my heart the ability to mourn over my grandpa's illness and death. I didn't quite recognize that grace for what it was at the time though.

Several years later, while watching a group presentation in my Counseling Women class, some of those wounds were re-opened. I struggled with that because I felt like maybe I had not really forgiven Grandpa. Then I thought about it some more.

Emotional wounds are no different from physical wounds. When you suffer from a deep cut on your hand, the wound will heal over, but there are scars. Sometimes, well after the wound has healed, the scar can become itchy or it may even hurt a little. That doesn't mean that the wound is unhealed though -- just that you have a scar.

The pain from the abuse I've been through will not ever go completely away. There are many days when I am reminded of something someone said or did to me. But the pain is different. Now it's more of a sorrow that I feel for the person/people who hurt me.

Those who hurt me could not possibly have loved me -- really and truly. They do not/did not know God, thus they did/do not know TRUE love. How can I expect them to express to me something they themselves have never felt? I can't stay angry at them.

Forgiveness is a gift and a command. It is not something we can do on our own, but it is something we are commanded to do. And when we consider the ways in which each of us has wounded Christ and how he continues to forgive us, we really have no excuse for not forgiving others.

Finally, if we really trust God and we really believe that He is sovereign, then we have to know that whatever trials and tribulations we my face have a purpose (whether we know that purpose or not). Then, we have to ACT as if we know that.



It looks like Ed will be volunteering to go to the border here soon. That should be fun.

Or not.

The two week stints here and there with the Guard are one thing. They pay the bills and they are relatively short stays. We are unsure as to how long Ed will volunteer to go this time. I'm hoping it's not for too long because I HATE being alone.

It's funny because I am not really worried about our bills and stuff like that. I am so tired though.

I feel like we have been in a perpetual state of transition for the past two years and nine days (when we moved to FL). I just really want to be settled in a house, NOT an apartment and not have to worry about certain things anymore.

I don't care to be rich -- never have really. I do like stability and consistency though.

It's a battle for me though is to remain supportive of Ed's career change and to not let my own wants and desires take over. There are days when I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs, "Dude, just go back to Toyota and forget this flying gig."

I would never do that though. He's wanted to fly since he was a teenager. Now he has the chance. He loves to fly. He feels like he has accomplished/is accomplishing his goals. That's an awesome thing to know -- that your hubby is happy.

And he does take GOOD care of us. What more could I ask of him?

I suppose I'll keep asking God to get Ed a job with an airline. Of course, who knows how the airline gig would work out now?

Ultimately, I can only sit back and watch what God does. I'm excited and anxious all at once.

A Simple Rant.

So I already mentioned how Ed found out he was gonna be out of a job. Remember, he ran into a co-worker at the Sprint store. Wait til you hear this next little bit.

I met Ed for lunch that day. Neither he, nor the desk person had heard from the owner at all. BUT BUT BUT a realtor came through showing the offices to some people.

Niiiice. What a class act.

Not only that, but it's been about a week since we found out about all this. In that time, Ed has tried to contact the owner of the company for various reasons not even related to the closing of the business. He's gotten no response.


So today I checked Ed's email. We do that -- no secrets and all. The owner sent out a mass email saying that he's closing the business and that current students have 2-3 weeks to finish up their training.


He could not even face his employees. Was that maybe because he's known for quite a while that he was closing down, but failed to give any warning. In fact, he's flat out lied about his goals for this business.


Sorry, just had to get that off my chest.


More Fluff

These are a few shots from the reunion.

Eddie, Jordan and Madelyn. Madelyn is the younger girl. She and Jordan are first cousins. Eddie is their 3rd? cousin.

Group shot. Can you find me nursing Eddie? And yes, even at 5'5", I am one of the taller members of my family. :)



Small versions of pictures from this weekend:

My cousin's son, Jaylen, helping Eddie with some presents.

Eddie with his favorite present -- the V-tech ABC apple thing that I already want to destroy. LOL!

Eddie Wanting to open his presents.

Eddie with Dad's wife after getting a taste of frosting.

Me and Eddie.

Eddie playing wiht his tambourine. I exchanged one of the walkers for a drum kit that has a tambourine, bells, a marakah (sp??) and drums. WHAT was I thinking?



52 Of My Closest Relatives

Family reunion was today. It's for my grandma's side of the family - the VunCanons. And yes, the spelling on that last name varies even amongst brothers and sisters.

I'm related to VunCanons, VonCanons, VunCannons, VonCannons, VaughnCanons, FinCanons, FunCanons, etc... Kind of funny. Actually, there is a book of this part of my family's geneology on the reference floor of the local library. This part of myfamily settled here in NC back in the late 1600's. Pretty cool, huh?

Anyway... back to today.

I only knew about half of the people who were there, but everyone knows me. HA! Seems they all remember me from when I wsa knee-high to a grasshopper and had no hair. My dad's cousin was telling me today that she used to be worried about me not ever gaining any weight when I was really young. How funny is that??!!

When I was about 3 or 4 yrs. old we lived on my great uncle Thurmond's property. My dad worked for him and my Aunt Rachel (Thurmond's wife) helped my mom with us three kids. They have always been near and dear to my heart. I don't get to see them often though.

Thurmond runs pony rides at one of the local flea markets and Rachel has alzheimer's now. Thurmond did make it to the reunion today though. Eddie loved the horses. :) Uncle Thurmond invited me and Eddie to come stay with him and Rachel sometime. I might have to take him up on that.

Of course, Grandma rolled her eyes when I was nursing Eddie *discreetly* in the group photo. lol! My uncle Dwight just laughed.

All in all, it was a good day. Good food and fun times.

Eddie's Par-Tay

Eddie's party was a blast. About 15 people were here (in my TINY apartment).

I ordered 8 large pizzas because I was expecting more people. I had 4 pizzas left at the end of the party. YIKES. Guess what I had for breakfast. lol!

I showed Eddie's video and everyone loved it. I have to make sure the link in my last post is working so you can see it too.

We sang "Happy Birthday" to Eddie while my dad's wife held him. He stuck his hands on the edge of the cake and then licked his fingers. He wasn't quite sure what to make of the frosting though. Ed shared his cake with Eddie, so he didn't even get to really enjoy his first cake by making a complete mess. :)

Then we opened presents.

I had specified on the invitations that no gifts were necessary. We really did not want people bringing gifts; we just wanted to celebrate and hang out with people we love. Of course, no one listened. Eddie made out like a bandit. I hope that doesn't sound bad -- I was just amazed by all the stuff people bought him.

My grandma gave him this v-tech apple shaped thingy that lights up and sings the "ABC" song. I think that's his new favorite toy. She also gave him a pack with a shape sorter, stacking rings andstacking cups in it. We need to return that though -- he doesn't need two of those.

My dad and his wife gave him a $25 Target gift card.

My brother gave him a $25 gift card.

My cousin Amy gave him a cute outfit.

My Aunt Tami and her family gave him another cute outfit.

My Uncle Dwight gave him one fo those walker thingys that he can also ride on. I need to return that as well -- he already has the Fisher Price Hippo walker thingy ($4 thrift store find).

My friend Bev gave him an American Express gift card.

My friends Ronnie and Charlene gave him $50.

My cousin Kerri gave him a Little People dumptruck.

My brother-in-law Paul gave him a walker thingy that has all sorts of little toys ont he front of it. He opened it already and Eddie loves it so we will be keeping that walker. lol!

Ed and I gave him a little dog that is a combo xylophone and piano, a CAT dumptruck and some MegaBlocks.

This morning I checked my email and one of my online friend sent Eddie an gift card.

Now I just have to figure out where to put everything. lol!! I have no idea what to spend the gift cards on. I suppose I could buy diapers with them, but that's no fun. :)

In short, the party was a blast and we were/are very blessed by everyone's generousity.


Eddie's First Year Video

Let ME Be The Mom!!!


I love my grandma dearly, but she is a pistol. She doesn't hesitate a second to tell you what she thinks you are doing wrong. Yesterday she had a mouth full for me.

I was saying something about Ed's job situation, but that he has options. She immediately said, "Well, you may just have to put that baby in daycare and get yourself a job." She thinks it's horrible that I have an education and am "not using it."

I replied, "I WILL NOT!"

Of course then she brought up that you don't always have options and stuff. I told her that if things got really bad and I absolutely HAD to go back to work, I would, but that things aren't that bad. I should have reminded her that daycare would eat up any income I made anyway.

I also (this is one good thing about having a preemie) told her that daycare is a hotbed for germs and illnesses that Eddie is more susceptible to. Bad idea to mention that.

She said, "Well, if you'd let him get his shots that wouldn't be a problem." Nevermind that the illnesses that they have vaxes for are not necessarily the problem -- except for RSV. I told her that I don't feel safe giving Eddie the vaxes just yet -- if ever. Of course, then she promptly reminded me that he can't go to school without his shots. Can I just say that I hate it when people call vaxes "shots" -- to me it makes me think of animals and the shots they have to have.

Boy, when I told grandma (for about the thousandth time) I was gonna homeschool you should have seen her face. She tightened her lips and got this look of absolute disgust on her face -- like I was just gonna completely damage *MY* son.

Like I said, I love my grandma. But, I am Eddie's mom. I am open to useful information, but I am not open to someone looking down on me because I choose to parent MY son in the way I believe will most benefit him. And, I happen to be one of *those* people who will do something just to prove you wrong. So, now my plan to homeschool and not vax and all that jazz is really set in stone. There will be no changing my mind.


Of course, yesterday's discussion only made my decision to nurse Eddie *discreetly* at the reunion without hiding in the bathroom much easier. I'm stuborn like that -- it's a trait I inherited from none other than dear old grandma. LOL!


Ho Hum

I've got so much rattlin' around in my brain right now. It's making me crazy.

Dad will be here tomorrow. He and one of my uncles who will be in town this weekend for the reunion really really don't get along. Should be interesting.

There's the party tomorrow night -- in our very small apartment -- with about 20 guests!

I'm contemplating getting rid of the cat and that makes me sad.

I'm also contemplating different ways I can make some money using my design skills. The problem there is that I am on a PC and I don't have decent software.

I wonder at what point does it become a bad idea for one to chase his or her dreams. This is a tough-y for me because I am an idealist by nature.

I'd really like a date with Ed. I just need to know Eddie is with someone who is very patient and kind and okay with holding a baby the entire time we are gone. lol!

I wonder about Eddie's development. In some ways he's on schedule for his adjusted age and in other ways it seems like he may be tad bit behind. And every baby is different and every baby book says something different (imagine me rolling my eyes).

Of course, the big thing is what's gonna happen at the end of this month. Who knows? Wanna hear something really really really stinkin' HILARIOUS? Ed's job is over at the end of the month, so is the grace period on his $60K student loan. Yeah, I'm dying laughing over THAT one.

So... lots goin on in my head. Trying to not worry. Trying to trust God and not scream, "Yo God! What is UP??!!! I know He's got a plan. I'm just waiting for that plan to unfold.

Green Meat Thursday

No, I don't actually eat green meat. That's just nasty.

When Ed was in Biloxi with the Air Force for 6 months, he and the guys would shop at Albertson's on Thursday specifically to purchase "green meat." "Green meat" is meat that has an espired SELL BY date. The guys could save money from their per diem by purchasing cheap food and making themselves. The money they saved went into their checking accounts and their wives were free to buy non-green meat with it.

Since then, any marked down meat has been dubbed "green meat."

I happened to stumble upon a bunch of "green meat" today, so I loaded up considering Ed's current employment status.

In addition to doing my weekly grocery shopping, I've also managed to wash three loads of laundry (it's not put away yet), clean out the fridge and freezer, vacuum and feed Eddie and myself breakfast and lunch.

I still have work to do though. I have to balance the checkbook, dust, put away the laundry (my least favorite chore), clean both bathrooms and figure out what I am doing for a cake for tomorrow night. Will I bake the cake myself or will I buy one? So...

Back to work it is.


Not Even 11 AM And A Banner Day Already

That was sarcasm.

Yesterday I mentioned that I was going to rant about lousy customer service. The reason for my rant was going to be SprintPCS. I'll spare you the details for now, but just know that once this contract is up in 400 more years I will never ever ever ever do business with them again.

So, back to today.Ed went to the Sprint store yesterday to sort some stuff out. He had to go back today because no one there can get their stories straight. While he was there he ran into one of the other flight instructors from the school at which he teaches.

A little background. Ed has his commercial pilot rating and is a certified flight instructor. But, in order to get a job with an airline he must have 156,784,313,546,121 flight hours. He is a little over half-way there. We were able to come back to NC partly because the school where he is at said that they needed flight instructors badly and that the school is busy and all that jazz.

We packed up all our stuff and promptly left that pit called Daytona. Ed starte working at the flight school. He's worked the desk. He's helped other instructors. He's cleaned the planes. He's instructed and he's been vomitted on twice by inexperienced wannabe pilots. He's given up family time to work the desk so that he can be a "good" employee. In short, he's bent over backwards for this school.

We've had our concerns about the school. The planes are not maintained as well as they should be. The business is very very very slow -- even though they promised it wouldn't be. And on and on.

Anyway... back to today (again). He saw this co-worker at the Sprint store (who coincidentally was having the EXACT SAME problem we've had). His name is Pete. Pete was the chief flight instructor at the school, but Ed took his place. It wasn't one of those things where the new guy came in and stole someone else's job. Pete is planning on moving on soon, so he resigned that position while still remaining a flight instructor.

Pete asked Ed if he had talked to Rob yet. Rob is the owner. Then Pete proceeded to tell Ed that Rob is closing the school in 30 days. The instructors can finish out their students -- at least until the planes wear completely out. Then that's it.

Nice. Real nice.

So Ed has a few options.

#1. He has several applications out with the airlines. He's waiting on them to contact him. When that will be, no one knows.

#2. Ed could volunteer for deployment to the Mexico border or to Iraq. He's not keen on either of those sinc ethat would take him away from us and would not help him gain flight time. If he volunteers to go and then an airline calls, he's stuck and would be unable to take the airline job. They don't wait around. This option would pay the bills though.

#3. He can volunteer to go to Langley AFB with the NG. There is a flight school near there where he could build up flight time in his "off-duty" time. Again though, if he volunteers to go and then an airline calls, he's stuck and would be unable to take the airline job.

#4. He could go back to work at Toyota and give up his dream of ever flying professionally.


Ed is the kind of guy who will do what it takes to provide for his family. I just really don't want him to have to not fly; especially after what we've gone through to get his flight time and all that.

We've been praying, for years it seems, for God to show us what to do and when to do it and where to do it and all that. We are still waiting. Trying to be patient, but it's getting a little tough right now.


A Small Struggle

When I was in seminary I very quickly came to understand that pastor's wives were to be a certain type of person. Pastor's wives wear big hats and floral print dresses. Their hair is always "done" and their makeup is perfect. Their shoes match their handbag and they never sleep in anything other than a pretty nightgown.

Their homes are perfect; decorated with beautiful antiques. They serve dinner on beautiful heirloom china and their meals are always homemade and perfect. They entertain guests frequently and use linen napkins -- paper napkins are beneath them. They iron their clothes and never fight with their husbands. Their children are not kids and always wear matching outfits.

She is sweet and kind. Always smiling and never saying a mean word.

In short, pastor's wives are feminine. I am not.

While those things are not necessarily true, the ideas I had about pastor's wives made me thankful that I was never going to be one. LOL!

So why am I rambling on about this? When I was a girl I used to like the idea of being the wife that I just described. Then something changed. I don't know if this change came about after I went to college or if life just jaded me or what.

I read things in various blogs about femininity and wonder where I fit. There's one blogger who I just outright envy. She has it all together.

Here's the problem for me. I don't like flower printed clothing and big hats. I don't iron unless absolutely necessary. I cook from scratch often, but not all the time. I never sleep in anything pretty anymore.

My son has never worn shoes. I don't like shoes and I rarely carry a "handbag."

I speak my mind and I don't smile if I don't feel like it.

None of the things the pastor's wife does fits my personality at all.

So if I don't like the things that are "feminine" where does that leave me? I wouldn't say I am masculine -- not really at all. How does one grow to appreciate those things? How do you become feminine without giving up who you are? I know Scripture teaches that women should not look like men, but can't you do that without being "feminine" -- at least my idea of what feminine is?

Anybody got a book on the topic? I need some help here.


Reminders are a good thing. They keep us in check. They remind us that life is fragile and that we are not at all in control. They also help us to remember times when God has been faithful and seen us through the valley.

I was coming here to post about how I think our country is going downhill in terms of customer service. I could seriously rant on that for weeks and weeks and weeks. Then I had a friendly reminder.

I checked my bloglines and clicked on a post by Michele Malkin. Here's the link: A call you will never forget. Be forewarned though before watching it that it is a tough video to watch and listen to.

The video is a call from a man who was in the WTC on 9/11.

What a reminder about life and how surprising and unexpecting it can be. For us anyway. Kevin Cosgrove had likely given no thought to the possibilities of what could have happened on that day; certainly he didn't think that his place of employment would literally be brought to the ground.

Scripture tells us to not dwell on yesterday and not to worry about tomorrow because life is but a vapor. So for the rest of today, I am doing just that.

And because of the uncertainty that life holds, I think I may spend a little extra time with my son and hubby.

More Song Thoughts

So Ed doesn't like my choice of songs for Eddie's video. He says it's too sappy and all. I see his point. Neither Ed nor I are particularly mushy people. So...

What about "I'm in a Hurry" by Alabama?

Eddie has been in a hurry since before day one -- hence his early arrival. He hasn't slowed down a lick either.